A
male
age
30-35,
*otSureAboutKids
writes:When I got married, my wife and I talked about having kids some day. Now I'm not sure that I want to have kids... I'm starting to feel pretty sure I don't.This is the most important question I've ever had to answer, because kids are the most important thing to my wife. If I don't want to have kids, then our marriage will be over. How can know for sure how I feel? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 You are young, perhaps you just need more time to think this through. And more time to settle down and be ready for a child. You might feel you dont want a child now because she wants one NOW and right now you are not ready? Are you feeling pressured? Don't see anything other than difficulties? What are your reasons for not wanting a child? You dont describe any, which leads me to think you want one just as much as you don't want one. So my guess is: you want a child but not right now. Right now you are too young, not mentally ready, not financially ready, or ready in any other way. And you need more time.
How to know for sure how you feel? Impossible. But when you see your child I am 100% you will love it. My mom told me my father didn't want me when she was pregnant with me, but that everything chanced when I was born and I was a daddy-girl when I was little. We were inseparable. Not that I remember now, but it's what she said.
Make a well informed decision, don't just throw it out there "I dont want kids". Tell us why not. And if you dont have any good reasons, could this be nothing more than a passing thought? After all you DID want children not too long ago. It could be the pressure and being newly wed thats stressing you out.
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 When a Husband doesn't have a wish for a child and the Wife had a very big wish for a child this is gonna be really a problem. You are 21, you still have a time to think it over again. if you dont wanna ruin your marriage, i think 1 child will be better. For now, relax your self, tell her to give you a little bit more time to think about it and yes let your self really think about it. I wish you two will find a better way and time to speak about this. Goodluck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): You guys could compromise - she wants kids and you think you don't ... so just have one child. That way she gets to be a mummy and you don't feel overwhelmed by a whole tribe. Both your needs are met so to speak. I know you don't want any kids but for your wife, could you settle for putting up with just one? I used to think i'd want about 10 kids and then i thought i wanted none - now i have 1 boy and he is the best decision i ever made. I don't want anymore children but personally i am glad i didn't have none as I feel have been blessed in life with him indeedy. Another factor is that you are quite young - maybe wait a couple of years for you to feel more ready, there is no rush when you have your whole lives a head of you. But be honest with her about your doubts as talking may help.
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A
female
reader, loops  +, writes (28 May 2010):
You have answered your own dilemna you do not know yet what you feel. Until you do for sure give yourself some time to mull it over and make a rational decision. In the meantime be honest with your wife and admit your having doubts, and try to get to the route of why so you can be certain if this is a long term issue, or just short term nerves. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 If you're anything like me, you'll never know for sure.
In fact, I recall noticing that the part of the marriage service that referred to having kids was optional, and asking the priest to not say that part. So I started out pretty sure I didn't want them. What brought me around was a few years of living for work and weekends and the annual two weeks of holidays. Travel was nice and all, but I came to find it an unfulfilling life. We'd been given a lot of gifts, and raising good kids was one way to pay that back.
What I'm saying is give it time. I went 180 degrees on the issue between 20 and 30. You may too.
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