A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I have broken up after 2 years. He cheated on me once with his best friend (female) and I forgave him. The second time I found out he was dating her at the same time as me and called it quits. Both times did not involve anything physical like sex. He claims he dated her to stop her from dating a guy who was a bad influence. Now they are still best friends. He claims to only have feelings for me. I know for a fact she's still in love with him. He still wants me to take him back but cannot stop communications with her. They talk everyday on the phone sometimes early into the morning. I dont think I should take hi back even thought Im in love with him. I always felt as if hes the one for me until this so its not easy for me to let go. So my question is, am I doing the right thing, I think I am but Id like some input because I dont want any regrets. My heart still wants him but my head says no.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 123skyscraper  +, writes (19 October 2009):
listen to your head. if you keep this guy he will continue to cheat on you. he's not going to have a 'friendship' with his bf. i bet you if he could sort out his relationship with his bff he would not be with you. either way he treats you badly and wants to have his cake and eat it too. you are his back up in case his relationship with the bff doesnt work out.
you deserve better than that. if you feel you cannot trust someone, you simply cannot build a relationship out of it.
be strong and let him go. i know it hurts. the longer you hang onto him, the more it will hurt later on as i dont see this relationship lasting if u want happiness in ur life.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 October 2009):
Listen to that heada of yours. He'll only hurt you again and again.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 Listen to your head, it sounds like it got brains.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 You say your heart says he's the one for you. But... obviously... he is not the one for you. Look how he has treated you. That part of your heart that is hurting... I'm sorry for that... but you know he's no good for you and you have to leave him... because he does not love you like you deserve to be loved. You know that, and now you just need to have the courage to act upon that. It will not be easy, but it's for your own best interest. Don't get stuck in a relationship that makes you believe love should hurt like this. It shouldn't hurt like THIS. It should hurt if he died in a car crash. It should hurt if he developed cancer. But it shouldn't hurt because he cheated on you. That's when it's time to say goodbye to the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): I think you're doing the right thing too. If it was just a case of you being jealous of a (platonic) relationship with someone who just happened to be female then that's one thing. But he's cheated on you. He's proven he's that type of person. If I were you my self respect would demand I cut him out of my life completely.The sooner you make that break complete, the sooner you will find someone new. And there's not exactly a shortage of single men in this country.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a really trusting person, and Ive let people lie to me and made myself blind to things just because I loved the person. Im not sure if I can ever go back to trusting him fully because he ruined 2 chances I gave him. There will always be that sense of doubt. And I will never be okay with their friendship as it has ruined our relationship twice, I just cant believe that they are only friends.Im going to try and move one with my life. Its not easy when hes trying to convince me I making a mistake. But I'll get there eventually I guess. Thanks for your advice.
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A
female
reader, loops +, writes (18 October 2009):
your heart holds on to the smallest amount of hope when you love someone. Im going through this at the minute. I was with a guy who i loved wholeheartedly and was the only person id ever felt so strong about, thought he was the one, wanted the whole hog, marraige kids the works. Like you before we split up this time he cheated on me and i forgave him, this time he kicked me out of our home together because we 'fought too much' yet keeps telling me he still cares about me and has been thinking about me/about our future. I understand its incredibly hard for you, like a tug of war between your heart and your head. But if your head is screaming at you to go nowhere near, i would probably listen to it. Will you ever trust this guy again fully or will you be always watching over his shoulder, and youve already said his friendship with this girl would drive you insane. I always think that if its meant to be at some point it will be regardless, but for now you dont really deep down feel like its right, and that really, is your answer. Ive found throwing myself into other things, although it hasnt gone, i think about this guy daily, but it has helped me move forward in tiny steps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Follow your head. Your head is strong.If you don't want to hurt your feeling you have to protect your heart. Let him go. You'll find someone treat you better. There is alot of fish in the sea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Girl, you are absolutely doing the right thing. I know it can be difficult making decisions like this when you care for someone but as time goes by you will realize that it was all for the best. Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds and is playing you both.You know the answer here, you know you deserve better than that and one day some guy is going to come along and be able to focus all of his energies only on you without hesitation. Hold your head up high. You are a strong woman and I admire your ability to create healthy boundaries for yourself.
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