A
male
age
36-40,
*ark23
writes:I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 20 - we have been together for 3 years. She is at college studying and lives at home with her parents but spends alot of time at my place.I have a bit of a criminal record and a year ago I got a suspended 2 year sentence for GBH (grevious bodily harm). After that she made me promise I'd stay out of trouble and stuck by me and I did and she's 3 months pregnant.2 weeks ago I was out and got into a fight and have been charged over that. I have court coming up and because I'm on a 2 year suspended sentence I know I will 99% be going to prison - for at least 2 years. The thought of prison is bad enough and I haven't told her yet as she is doing her exams but I am worried that she'll dump me. that is the last thing in the world i want to happen especially as she is pregnant with my kid.I know I haven't kept my word and her parents don't like me and I know they will tell her to dump me because of this. We have been through so much and I don't want to lose her.How can I tell her how sorry I am and try and convince her to stick by me when I am in prison?
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female
reader, loops +, writes (30 May 2010):
You can only be honest with her, and I would do that sooner rather than later. It's bad enough that you have broken your promise by getting in to trouble again, but keeping it from her too will not go down well. It's up to her really whether she decides to stick around for you or not, but I wouldn't put any pressure on her to do so, and I would attempt to try and be understanding should she not. It's a hell of a lot of pressure already for her being in a relationship where her parents don't like you (I speak from experience here as a few members of my family- granted not my parents mind) really don't like my partner. But you have now made it a lot harder for her, both from pressure from her family, and being left to start raising your child on her own. You need to give her as much support as possible regardless of what she decides, as you as harsh as I am going to sound are completely responsible for the position she is now in by breaking your promise to her.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 You can tell her how sorry you are and hope that she will stand by you .
What's done cannot be undone. One insane moment can cause you so much heartaches.
There is nothing more you can do about it, but to leave everything to fate or God.
Get a good lawyer and try to think more positive.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 I know this maybe is not the most sensitive things to say in this difficult moment, but I think that if you love her, you need to let her go, not to find ways for " convincing " her to stick with you.
Look at the facts . You got a suspended 2 years sentence for GBH ( and you've been lucky, it's up to 5 years, isn'it ? ). You promise your girlfriend you'll stay out of trouble- and less than one year after the promise, ( and knowing she is pregnant ! )you get into another fight.
It seems there is a pattern here, maybe you have a problem with controlling your anger- or with controllling your drinking, perhaps ?
Whatever is it, right now you are not in fine fettle to be a good companion , and a good role model for your kid.
Use this time to think what you can do to clean your act for good- and perhaps, who knows, once you have really changed , you may win her back.
But right now, you should not demand that she sticks with you- because you would be doing wrong to your own child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Leaving your woman and your child for prison is rough. My advice is to stop getting into fights. If she sees you can't do that, she's not staying with you. So you have to change, and do whatever it takes to prove that.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Hey bro, ive done time, lots of it, and you know how I looked at it? after about the 3rd time i went back, I realized, your girls going to do whatever she's going to do, either you can ask her to stay with you and hope she does, or you can dump her and let her live her life, it's not her fault your getting locked up, it's your fault, so why should you expect her to put her life on hold for you? why should she be denied love and sex and happiness because you make stupid decisions? seems pretty selfish to me, but that's just something I learned, now I dont get into trouble, now Id rather be getting pussy, then locked up wondering whos getting mine, think of that when you you get your date, convince yourself of that, make sure you never fuck up again, and if you want it bad enough, you will remember it when you go to do something stupid next time!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): As Q says take it one day at a time. Lots of people do wait for people while they are in prison. She has stuck with you up to now. Once her exams are over sit her down and tell her, and take it from there.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, mr.lonely +, writes (29 May 2010):
You made a mistake. You didn't think through the consequences of your actions. Tell her what happened, apologise for breaking your promise. Learn from the experience. A child doesn't need a farther that's in and out of prison; it needs a role model. If you do go to prison use that time to work out how you can become a better man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): You need to SHOW her your sorry, not tell her. Talk is cheap, and her parents know this. You need to turn your life around and grow out of this phase of your life, or let her go and find a man who's mature and capable of providing for her and your child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): I would explain to her how you felt after you got into that fight, and that you regret it 100% and that you wanna be with her for forever. Honestly, I hope she waits for you, and if she truly loves you, she will wait no matter what.
Good luck,
xoxo
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