A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 19, I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now never been happier and I know he's the one he is a few more years older then me. I've always wanted a baby. Last week I had a scare, told my boyfriend and he said if you are it's good news it's not bad, obviously it will be a shock if you are but i would be really happy about it. He also started talking to me about what they would look like if i was. I found out I wasn't pregnant ans now i really really want a baby now that i know my boyfriend approves. I don't know what to do?
View related questions:
want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 A child is a gift and blessings from God. If you are pregnant and give birth to a baby ,you are blessed.
Some people would plan to have babies only when they are financially capable.They want their child to have the best things in life.
In the process , how much must one accumulate enough to have a child? Is it really for the child or is it for the parents enjoyments.
Does this mean that those who are poor should not have children?
Having children is not about wealth or giving up the good life.
It is about the sacrifice and joy in raising them. A poor mother may work hard and suffer lower standards of living to support her child but she finds joy and fulfillment being a woman and a mother.
What about those people who are rich but are too preoccupied with their careers and have no time for their child?
Will having a child makes them better parents because of their wealth and materialistic wants ?
What good is materialistic things when you cannot give a mother's love and spend time with your children?
If you feel it is the right time , by all means go ahead because it is your life.
It is just a matter of arranging your priorities in life.
Different people have different priorities.
A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (15 February 2010):
you may not want to hear "wait" but thats my answer. The worst thing you can do is bring a child into the world with little money, then be forced to spend most of your life working rather than raising the kids. Without money saved up, parenthood is a struggle not a joy.
Also you need to make sure hes gonna be there for good, how many relationships formed in teenage years, last. Thats also a bad thing, a baby with separated parents. On the positive side, he wants kids, thats half of the battle won.
The best thing you can do from now is save up money
Hope you have lots of babies!
...............................
A
female
reader, cls1990 +, writes (15 February 2010):
 I'm the same age as you & my partner & I have been together 2 years & have lived together over a year. We went through a similar thing to what your going through now. We have both wanted children for a while now. I posted a question on here, search for "are we ready" I got lots of good advice & think it might help if u have a quick look :) hope it does anyway x
...............................
A
female
reader, 1sincere1 +, writes (15 February 2010):
Be happy it was just a scare, as exciting as the thought of having a baby is, it's not what it's made out to be and at 19 you have so much mre you could be doing with your life than getting pregnant for someone you have only known for 10 months, a baby does not bring couples together it puts strain on relationships. You will more than likely end up regretting ever getting pregnant... please don't do it! Your life will change so much, you won't have your freedom anymore.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): This is not enough evidence to assume he wants a baby now.
A baby is one of the biggest steps people ever take in life. It's not something to do when you THINK you know what your partner wants based on something he said about a sligtly different situation. If he thought you were already pregnant then his reaction could be influenced by not wanting to be an unsupportive bad guy.
Ask him face-to-face while he knows you are not currently pregnant, and THEN see what he says. If he wants to get pregnant then he will tell you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (15 February 2010):
His support of a scare does not mean he's ready. Don't go tryin to get pregnant without first asking him concretley if he's ready
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 February 2010):
It comes down to money. Have you got £10,000 for the next 18 years? Or would you be better off getting a good career and such first. Too many people have a baby without thinking about added costs. You will lose your social life, your money, you will need a house in a good area with good schools. The list is endless. Make sure you and your boyfriend are in a good place together first, then have children. You don't want to have a child and end up broke with no home.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 What about plan A. getting married, plan B. the place were U two are going to live then plan C. future finace. if its on rush make plan D. for a baby... I wish you all luck..
...............................
A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (15 February 2010):
 A lot of people are going on about finances. Having a baby will not be easier if you are rich. You both sound like mature people, but as @kelsey has said, its the time you could offer the child that is more important.
I know its not a permament answer, but the state can help if you dont have enough money. As long as you can offer the child all the love that you have, and give the child plenty of time and affection you will be fine.
Please don't rush into having a child though, its a big descision to make, and you and your boyfriend need to be absolutely sure that you can cope. That your relationship is strong enough. I would recomend sitting down and having a long chat with him about it, would you both really be happy, are you both ready, is the relationship strong enough, will you have enough support from family and friends etc etc, also with your living arrangements...are you living together? Because if you are not it might be an idea to see how the relationship copes with you living together before bring a little person into the relationship.
I wish you all the best, and please keep us updated with your journey :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks both of you :-) x
...............................
A
female
reader, loops +, writes (15 February 2010):
Hi there.
It sounds like your on the right track but make sure its an informed decision and not just based on the fact you have got a good reaction to a scare. Its great to hear that your boyfriend would be happy about a baby it shows hes truly commited to you, however that doesn't mean you have to do it this minute! I have had a similar situation recently whereas my boyfriend started talking babies (i've known i wanted children since i was 16-17 im now nearly 23) and my hormones went into overdrive and i loved the idea, however take a small step back and try and view the whole picture, im sure you two would be fantastic parents regardless but having a decent money situation/ stable relationship etc is hugely important as a baby will add pressure, not bring you both together!
Hope this helps a little, sorry if i sound like a kill-joy!
...............................
A
female
reader, kelsey18 +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Sounds like you both like the idea. your both ready. maybe you too should start considering trying for a baby? However its best to bring a baby into the world knowing that you have the TIME to take care of the little one and also that your financially stable enough to bring up a child giving he or she all the best opurtunities in life. hope this helps :) x
...............................
|
