A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:This is a question for those people who have a tour guide boy/girlfriend or husband/wife.My girlfriend is an international tour guide and I'm dealing with a situation where she is only at home for about 7 or 8 days before she heads off on her next 5 day tour. During those days she is at home, she works everyday for local tours. With my full time job, I get home late in the evening so the only time we really have for each other is a couple of hours in the evening or if we both get a day off, we try our best to make the most of it. For now, I remind myself that in the future we will not be so busy - especially once we come back to Australia together (though if she picks up her work in Australia, we will be increasingly busy again!).How do you handle the increased time they have to spend away from home working long, and often irregular, hours? How do you cope with them constantly going overseas up to 10 days or more each month to various countries for their work?I remind myself that it's not as bad as having a partner involved in the armed services and gone for months or years at a time in dangerous environments. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, soul83 +, writes (11 June 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbsolutely. I don't really consider it a long distance relationship of sorts anymore. Because we spend as much time as possible together when she is around. She only goes overseas once or twice a month. Yes that sounds like a lot but actually the time flies.
I'll admit that at first I was very apprehensive about her having so much time away - was worried about us becoming too adjusted to being apart from each other and eventually opting to be single. But this hasn't eventuated. Distance can make the heart grow fonder but I remain resolute in not going back to a situation like I had before where we were living in different countries.
It is still hard but I keep myself busy working and just enjoying simple pleasures. A part of me still wishes that she could be around a bit more often but nevermind. Just means it will take longer for us to work on our relationship and iron out the problems as they arise.
I guess I'm more patient than many people :-/ But I came all this way to be with her so I'm not giving up on her esp. as she is pursuing her dream and career. The knowledge of the countries will aid us in choosing the best destinations when we travel together later :) Plus the more experience she gets, the better and easier it will be to get a decent paying job in Australia. Although she talks about wanting to stay at home and relax once we go back together... I want her to keep working and for us to work at a partnership business of taking Chinese to Australia and abroad. I see other potential China-Australia business opportunities as well. We both want to be bosses so there's potential there ;)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 June 2010):
 I would still consider the 5 days she is apart from you as a sort of long distance relationship. Because during that time she is far away, and it is so often that she leaves as well, you almost need your own life separate from her because of this. If it was so that she was gone only 5 days once a year, I'd tell you to just be patient and suck it up. But it is 5 days every other week. That means a whole different living style, one more compatible with those in long distance relationships. As you have survived the distance before, try to think of this as the same. Only this is step 2, there's distance, but every other week you get to see her and catch up and enjoy being with her. Perhaps just as well! Going from a long distance relationship into being together full time can be a handful and too much at once. In this manner you get to grow closer while still being apart having your own personal space.
As for the difference in personalities. Opposites do attract, but they are also in essence necessary. People complete each other this way. And as for interests being different, what is important is that the values are the same, you want the same things, you back each other up on the important things in life. Similarity in values and morals is important. Not whether you both like soccer or not. Like you said, you teach each other things. Thats great! And it keep the dynamics going in the relationship, never makes it boring, and makes it grow.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (11 June 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK I think I was jumping the gun on the thinking about shared interests thing. After all, opposites do indeed attract and we accept our individual interests and pursuits. I'm a bookish person - slowly changing to be more outgoing thanks to my job as a teacher and of course thanks to my gf ;) Love reading, time to myself, doing nerdy things like browsing the net, going to a museum etc. But also embrace the Aussie way of life of relaxing, drinking etc etc.
She's the complete opposite! I find that so fascinating to look at the way in which Asian culture and work ethic compares to Aussie thinking. She's much more outgoing and loves to boss people around - definitely work-oriented and tries to make the most out of every situation. Loves shopping, relaxing at home and saving money.
That's where she's my complement. Teaches me to not be too lazy, to save more, to work harder. And I teach her how to relax and have fun from time to time. We've survived 7.5 months living together (1 year 4 months knowing each other inc. the time apart in the LDR). Despite the fighting of the past, I think things can work out.
To quote a website:
Even if you can’t get passionate about your partner’s interest, indulge them by agreeing to have a go, or asking them about it. It is important that you accept your partner for who they are and there interests come as part of that package.
We have already achieved that.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (11 June 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chigirl
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. We've already been through the long distance stage last year before I came to China to be with her. Now we are living together and planning a good future.
I understand and respect her work even though she says she misses me so much when she goes abroad. Thankfully it's only for 5 days at a time for now. She's so lucky to have the opportunity to travel to so many different and beautiful places.
We're planning to go back to Australia in December to spend Christmas with my family. It will be her first time to visit them (and hopefully her first time to visit Australia if her work doesn't take her there first). I have my fingers crossed she can take the time off work to come with me during this special time of year and that like I said, she experiences Australia for the first time with me and not a tour group ;)
It's so true that I can do what I want and be a bit of a slob while she is away. Can stay up late watching movies on the laptop and drinking beer (though that's hard to do all of the time given my job requires about 50hrs per week inc. transport time). I'm the sort of person who can enjoy my own company - though I of course like to meet other foreigners/locals.
I've done a lot of reading about tour guides and the many pressures they face. Certainly one of them is the inability to answer the phone on the job as it would be very unprofessional to turn attention away from her tourists. She has a lot of responsiblities and must spend a lot of time on her feet pleasing them and put up with any complaints or unreasonable demands. So I've been offering massages, making sure she takes her umbrella for sun protection, buying her sunscreen to protect her skin in the summer months etc. I want us to talk some more about her job though because I have been lately finding out about her aspirations from her friends :-/ The problem is that she doesn't want to bring her work home which is fair enough.
You know, we really fit each other well and are constantly telling each other how much we are for each other. We both love travel, but that aside we are almost like opposites in our personalities. She's very strong and bossy, I'm much more relaxed and easy-going. Often I find myself thinking about what our shared interests really are? Sometimes it feels like we are two completely different people yet we also fit well together as a couple...
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 June 2010):
Hi again! Im not sure if you remember, but I am in a long distance relationship myself so I know what you are talking about. I think it is a state of mind you just have to get yourself into. I find it very hard to not be needy and want more. I think some people just deal with it better than others, so try and be aware of what type of person you are. I'm a person who can stay for longer periods on my own and enjoy the company of no one else but myself, but even I get lonely at times. What type of person are you? If you are a very social one, maybe you will do better since you can occupy yourself with friends and others, thus not feeling so lonely for the times when she is gone.
I also think having plans makes it easier, planning to be together on more stabile level later on, just like you are. Then you have something to focus on, and you know that it will not always be like this. But at the same time I think it is important to not put your life "on hold" until that time comes. Enjoy the benefits of the situation, you get to focus on your work, or you get to go places and live almost the life of a single person for the days she is gone. You can eat what you want, be a slob, go out and see whomever whenever etc.
Keeping up a good communication is also important, like others mentioned. Make sure you e-mail each other as often as possible, but if she is not always able to reply then respect that. Always respect each others and each others work. Even if you don't like that her jobs keeps her away from you, it is what she chose to do. So if you want her you should also respect her job. That means you shouldn't be upset about her leaving, you can't demand more than she can actually do etc. This is hard, but it will make things easier at the end of the day. Supporting each other is important too. I imagine, if you find it hard to be without her, she finds it just as hard to leave you. She will need your support and love to get through as well.
Best of luck! Google long distance relationships and see what others have to say for more ideas and stories.
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A
female
reader, loops  +, writes (10 June 2010):
If neither of you are willing to change your jobs and are both happy with them I suggest you make the most of your time together, emails, instant messenger and web cams, phone calls. Whatever keeps the communication channels open while you aren't together. When you are at home make sure you make time for each other, even if its just a half an hour lunch so neither of you feel left out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): You are right it is not as bad as having someone in the forces, but you have both put work before your relationship. You have to either change your jobs, or make the most of the time you do spend together, making sure you email, text and the like inbetween.
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