A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, I need some insight from the guys on a personal matter. I know that it is a private thing, but I am having a hard time dealing with how much my boyfriend masturbates. We probably have sex about twice a week on average and I would like to have more but I am having a hard time initiating because I feel so insecure. I know all about "morning wood" and everything, but is it normal for him to wake up every morning and go masturbate right away? I can't bring myself to initiate sex with him because I always think that he's probably just jacked off a half an hour earlier and he won't be into it. I know that to a point this is none of my business, and that's what he tells me whenever I bring it up, so what am I supposed to do? He tells me that he doesn't have a high sex drive, but it seems to me that a 28 year old in a committed relationship should not be feeling the need to get himself off every single day - especially when I'm in the next room! Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): If you don't initiate things he probably thinks you're not interested. Don't be shy, I'm sure he will be thrilled for you to make a move on him. If you're asleep then maybe he doesn't want to wake you. Try waking up a bit earlier or something, and see what happens. Don't feel insecure, just go for it an see what happens. You can make a difference here so don't just sit back and let things make you unhappy.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Why can't you two have morning sex.. He has "morning wood", you want sex more than twice a week... seems the solution is simple... Arrange to wake up together, or ask him to wake you up and not go into the bathroom to take care of his needs alone.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Why not tell him that, or show him this post? Masturbation is normal, but I agree this seems a little, off to do it every morning while you're right there. Tell him it's off-putting to your sex drive and that you'd want more sex if he wasn't doing that. Masturbation is only a problem when it interferes with someone's ability to have a good sex life with their partner, and here it clearly is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Hello,
Most men masterbate, however he needs to initiate more intimacy with you. You deserve a happy sex life with him, and its seems as though you're not content. Talk to him, express what you're feeling. is your relationship happy? Do you both communicate well? Sometimes people seperate themselves and take care of their own needs when things aren't going well.
Masterbation and self exploring is normal, however its frustrating if he's doing that more then he's having a sexual relationship with you.
Talk to him...
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 How long have you been with this guy? Yes masturbation is private business, but in a long term relationship it shouldn't be held away as a secret exactly either. Try talking to him and say you would like more sex, but you are insecure about taking initiative. And that you wonder if he wants sex if he has recently masturbated? I think though, that you shouldn't try and worry so much about whether or not he just masturbated. If he wants sex and you take initiative he will have sex with you. If he just masturbated and doesn't want sex I am sure he will tell you so! And you shouldn't feel upset or rejected by that either, at least not the very first times.
If he, however, continues to reject you because he has just masturbated, then the masturbation has interfered with your sex life and is not so private and innocent anymore. But for the time being, with you not being able to express that you want more sex, him masturbating isn't the problem. The problem is that you need to speek up!
Best of luck and I hope you find him to be just as interested in more sex as you are! At least if you talk to him you will be able to figure out if he prefers masturbation over sex with you in the morning...
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A
female
reader, Courts4  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 This is just wrong.
Before he goes to the bathroom to ,just have a morning glory with him (sex in the morning)
That will satisfy the both of you and it will get him over his addiction.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Sounds like he's in love with his own hands. Have you confronted him on this? Does he j/o openly or does he hide it from you?
Personally I recommend you initiate it whenever you want. If he says he's not upto it because he just masturbated, be blunt and tell him you'd rather he didn't. It's not point your being reticent because he's (literally) jerked off.
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A
female
reader, loops +, writes (10 June 2010):
He may have a high sex drive, and if you are only having sex twice a week then this would explain why he masturbates so much. If you think about it logically, he isn't hiding this from you, and isn't it better that he is doing that rather than seeking out sex elsewhere. Masturbation is natural and normal and a part of knowing your self and being comfortable with your sexuality. Regardless of your relationship status, and sex life most people still do it regardless. I would be appreciating the fact he is being honest and open with you about it rather than making it a secret, or cheating on you with other women. Seek counselling for your issues regarding sex as it seems you have insecurities and issues that need addressing for your own sake before they make you seriously unhappy.
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