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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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What are some birthday ideas for my friend?
Q. Hi ppl. Um male 21. Its my best friend's birthday next week. She s quiet and shy type of girl. What should i get her for her birthday? Any ideas? Any sweet and thoughtful ideas? Thanks in advance ppl. :)...
A. 29 September 2010: A good hair straightener??... (read in full...)
How can I break it to a grown man that he needs to stop shoving his tongue down my throat?!
Q. Yes, yes. I'm sure this has been asked many times. I tried searching previous posts, but only found little girls asking questions and, frankly, found nothing entirely relevant to my problem. Sorry if this is seemingly redundant! So, now for my...
A. 29 September 2010: While kissing, two words...
"less tongue"
He's a grown man, he can take a hint without crying.... (read in full...)
Could this be a sign of a mental illness?
Q. I am married to a man that can never see his own flaws, but yet he can always point out my flaws. It's like he has to be right because he is the head of the household. I am aware that he may know he is wrong, and just have so much pride to actually ...
A. 29 September 2010: Yeh it can be, but need more info/signs.
Its more likely that he's perfectly normal and its just the way he is.... (read in full...)
Is his demeanor and arousal a weakness or strengh?
Q. If a guy gets a hard on when he's sitting with a girl and they are currently just friends (neither appears more attractive than the other), yet he continues talking like he doesn't need anything from her (not needy)...... Does she feel she has power ...
A. 29 September 2010: Eh??... (read in full...)
Advice on love handles?
Q. This isnt a love question but im just curious. I'm 16 years old, weight isnt an issue for me, my figure is normal, but i have this fat belly that really bothers me, like when i wear clothes without a jumper to hide it basicaly! I would like some ...
A. 29 September 2010: Nah, its not spanx... I looked that up and yeh, they look uncomfortable. I'm just talking about a loop of fabric that isn't about squishing things together... its more of a fashion thing. ... (read in full...)
Failing at school and love... help!
Q. I'm 16 and I am failing at school and love. I want to be a muscian, im not too bothered about financial success, and the fact is that I'd rather ride my moped down to the beach and jam with my friends than go to school. But everyone thinks that i ...
A. 29 September 2010: Good advice fordyboy... where the hell were you 15 years ago when I needed a boot up the rear?! ... (read in full...)
I'm baffled why he didn't want to have sex with me...
Q. Okay, I'm looking for a male perspective really, but women feel free to answer too. I'm 21 and out clubbing every weekend, my eldest brother too does exactly the same and we regularly end the night together. He always brings his best mate out wi...
A. 29 September 2010: "should i text him Or let him make the effort? I don't wanna be too keen, yet i don't want to look uninterested."
Hah, don't start over-thinking things now... if you guys have always been very "go with the flow" and its been working for you then... (read in full...)
Advice on love handles?
Q. This isnt a love question but im just curious. I'm 16 years old, weight isnt an issue for me, my figure is normal, but i have this fat belly that really bothers me, like when i wear clothes without a jumper to hide it basicaly! I would like some ...
A. 28 September 2010: Well two major facts about fat...
#1. We all genetically have different spots where we accumulate the most fat... but generally for guys its the stomach, for girls the hips/butt.
#2. We can't target which fat we wish to lose when exercising.... (read in full...)
I want someone that I have a deeper connection with.
Q. I have been in this relationship for almost 2 years. And we have been living together for almost 1 1/2 years. He is a great guy; loyal, caring, trusting, respectful, same values, kind, and I know he would make a good husband and father. He will ...
A. 28 September 2010: "Movies, TV shows, music all paint a beautiful picture of LOVE and what being inlove should be like. I want that fantasy tale, that beautiful love story and I am no where near it!"
We all do... but this ain't reality. After 1.5 hours and the guy ... (read in full...)
Straight? Gay? All These mixed signals...
Q. So I have this friend, who insists he is straight, but something, a gut feeling maybe, is telling me he isn't completely. He knows I am gay, he played a gay role in a film that I wrote for a festival - he's fine with me. Actually we are quite close, ...
A. 28 September 2010: "He goes out of his way to talk about girls, and relationships, and the sex he has with girls rocks their world. I don't think this is to deter me from liking him (like subtle hints) but more he is consciously trying to lay on the straight mask."
... (read in full...)
Horny for my brother in law!
Q. Hi I am a 31 year old married guy. Successful carreer, beautiful loving wife and gorgeous 2 kids - whatever I do circles around them. I have known my wife since we were 15 - we were each other's first love and no one ever got between us. However, I ...
A. 28 September 2010: "Deep down I think that he too fancies me"
"I am sure that he has some thoughts about me"
"we do find excuses to hug or cuddle each other's shoulder in a friendly manner"
You're heading into dangerous territory when you start making assumpt... (read in full...)
Does he like me as more than just a friend?
Q. Should I think my male friend likes me as more than a friend if he always wants to know whats up with me and other guys,and will always act like he never touches any other female. We hang out all the time and talk everyday..Am I reading too much ...
A. 28 September 2010: Mmmm... I agree with dirtballs general rule up to a point. The problem is that being "forced together" is so broad that only when a guy approaches a girl he doesn't know and strikes up a conversation voluntarily could it not be considered "forced ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to accept this relationship because of her passionate kiss with another man before she met me!
Q. Hi All, My mind is in total confusion. So please Can any one help regarding this. One girl is in love with me. Even me also just started loving her. Actually she was loving a another guy before in college days. They were friends from 8 months an...
A. 28 September 2010: Yes you can accept this relation... if you can't then honestly you're just acting silly.... (read in full...)
Gf living life of riley, while I work to making a home - fair?!
Q. dear all, my gf dosent see a future in me, because i have 15k student debt! we where making out after a session of sex, and i asked her how she slept, as she seemed to be having nightmares. she didnt want to tell me at first, but after pers...
A. 27 September 2010: Can you say gold-digger?... (read in full...)
He was in a relationship with my friend, I don't want her to hate us
Q. i've been in tutoring for chemistry.And ive known the guy thats tutoring me for a little ovver a year.we have been flirting with each other alot!and i really like him.and we are secretly seeing each other. the reason we feel that we have to be se...
A. 26 September 2010: Well you're already secretly going out with him, so things not working out and him not tutoring you anymore is already a possibility for one.
As for your friend... well I don't recommend keeping it a secret from her, that's much worse than if ... (read in full...)
Should he have told me about these past things?
Q. I've been with my bf for nearly 2 years and just found out something that has brought up a few issues for me, and I'm not sure what to think. Basically when I went to use facebook, he'd left his account logged in, and I saw an interesting mess...
A. 26 September 2010: Well, when you think about it, he could have told you about it, but he's not exactly under any obligation to tell you... The past is in the past and talking about ex's, particularly painful experiences with ex's isn't exactly a topic that many ... (read in full...)
Still obsessed after 13 years
Q. i am 24 years or age and i really need help and advice. i have been in love with a teacher i had in my junior school since i was 11. he left the school the same year i moved to high school but even so i cannot shift my feelings for him and the pain ...
A. 26 September 2010: Well, I'll be honest here... I really think that you need to see a counselor and talk this out. If you are seriously thinking about him every second of every day yet you haven't seen him in 13 years? That's really not healthy... it sounds more ... (read in full...)
To threesome or not to threesome...
Q. Ok everyone i need help so my boyfriend told me he wanted to spice up our sex life and try new things. I thought he ment to try new positions. Come to find out he wants to have a threesome. I dont mind the whole girl on girl thing or another girl ...
A. 26 September 2010: Ergh... don't do a threesome just because you're scared of losing him. Only do it if you BOTH want to do it.
If you absolutely feel you have to have a threesome (which you shouldn't), make sure that you lay down what you are and are not ok with.... (read in full...)
I love you and I'm in love with you
Q. HELP PLZ! i dont know if this is a silly thing and that im making a big thing out of nothing...ive been in arealtionship with my bf,for 2years now. we both love each other alot. and we are planning to get married in 2years. the thing is that he used ...
A. 26 September 2010: So did you actually tell him to say "I'm IN love with you" instead of "I love you"??
Cos if you didn't then its easy to see why he might be a bit confused...... (read in full...)
She doesn't avoid me but she does seem to avoid my feelings for her, should I still ask her out ???
Q. Ok yesterday afternoon when the girl I really like finished college I met up with her and did what always do have a chat and a laugh. But when I bring up feelings or sumthing similar she becomes evasive of the whole thing like she's not interested ...
A. 25 September 2010: I agree with quietecho.
She already knows your feelings for her... she's subtly trying to let you know that she doesn't feel the same way about you.
You can listen... or you can ignore her signals and get rejected, but it'd be a shame to lo... (read in full...)
Bennefits of Porn
Q. Hi: I have read a lot of negative things at forums about the dangers and evil of PORN (OMG) and wish to offer my perspective on Porn. When I got caught up in Porn, it was not because something was missing in my current marriage. I just liked ...
A. 23 September 2010: You have a death wish my friend :)... (read in full...)
Super complicated relationship, should I trust her again and give her another chance?
Q. hi well its started we met online on msn, she used to love and tell me that she loves me so much but i was with another girl so i kept blocking her and telling her that i love another girl till a day me and the other girl argued together so i went t...
A. 23 September 2010: C'mon man... this is a no-brainer.
You already know the answer... so just give this girl the boot, block her, delete her, do what you have to do so that she can't keep getting her claws into you again.
You may think that when you take her bac... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 23 September 2010: "Women do understand, that's why it hurts. Hurt over porn is an emotion, not a choice. Therefore it is not a lack of understanding on her part."
Well... no... most MEN AND WOMEN don't understand the others point of view about porn, again, that's w... (read in full...)
Do I stay and live a perfect life with someone I don't love? Or do I risk having to struggle in life in order to have another chance at love?
Q. Years ago, as a child I began to develop feelings for a boy in my grandparents' home town. By the time I was 19 I fell in love with him and we secretly dated (my parents have always been very old fashioned and I never had a boyfriend so I was scared ...
A. 22 September 2010: "Jmtmj- I wish so bad it were easy to pick up and leave and not care who i hurt and also what if I leave and end up alone and more unhappy? I'm very scared of the future, I know I need to grow up but I need to get the guts to do it. I don't know ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of my new flatmate!
Q. I'm jealous of my new flatmate at university. We've been at university since saturday and already he has a girlfriend. He's so far spent all of this week doing nothing but drinking, going out and having sex. Meanwhile, nothing has really happened ...
A. 22 September 2010: Change it, don't change it, it really is up to you. But how many girls do you think ACTUALLY approach random guys? Out of 100 girls, how many do you think actually do that?
There's still a big mentality that its the guys job to approach... (read in full...)
He was convicted for theft! Should I ask him about this or just stop replying to his texts altogether?
Q. Found out my potential new boyfriend has a criminal conviction for theft!!. I met him online and have been chatting for over a month on the phone. We got to really like each other and planned to meet on Friday for the first time but I googled his ...
A. 22 September 2010: What age was he when he commited this crime??... (read in full...)
Do I stay and live a perfect life with someone I don't love? Or do I risk having to struggle in life in order to have another chance at love?
Q. Years ago, as a child I began to develop feelings for a boy in my grandparents' home town. By the time I was 19 I fell in love with him and we secretly dated (my parents have always been very old fashioned and I never had a boyfriend so I was scared ...
A. 22 September 2010: Well... that sucks, what an awful situation to be in.
This is what happens when you deny your feelings when it comes to decision making... Its good not to be entirely controlled by your emotions- but you certainly shouldn't ignore them!! You've ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my boyfriend and his ex?
Q. Boyfriend and I started dating 2 weeks ago. Sometimes he brings up his ex (they broke up August 24th) which kind of bothers me. His ex blocked him on FB but added him yesterday. I can't really complain b.c my ex and I broke up a month before they ...
A. 22 September 2010: I don't think you should be worried... they broke up for a reason. Plus you've got your ex as a FB friend and you know that it can mean absolutely nothing and you never talking to them at all. They can just sit on the friend list and no contact be ... (read in full...)
Should I go and see my friend regardless of how his girlfriend feels about me? I don't want to cause any trouble!
Q. My best guy friend "Aqim" just got out of the hospital and he's feeling very lonely and depressed. I bought him a few gifts but I hesitate to go and spend time with time and give him his gifts when his girlfriend hasn't. (She went away on a ...
A. 22 September 2010: Just go... he just got out of hospital and if that isn't a good enough reason to go see a good friend and make sure they're ok, then what is?? ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of my new flatmate!
Q. I'm jealous of my new flatmate at university. We've been at university since saturday and already he has a girlfriend. He's so far spent all of this week doing nothing but drinking, going out and having sex. Meanwhile, nothing has really happened ...
A. 22 September 2010: Well yeh, you're right, it doesn't make you look very approachable... but why do you need to look approachable? Your flatmate probably goes out and approaches others instead of waiting around for others to come to him. It pays off, it really does. ... (read in full...)
Erections from behing happy, not from sex arousal?
Q. This is something I'm not used to asking other males or females who have had relationships with males. Has anyone ever noticed or gotten erections from non-sexual happy thoughts, or just simply being happy? I used to think arousal only occur...
A. 22 September 2010: Yeh, over here we call that a "platonic boner"
... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 22 September 2010: I totally agree with you Myau...
"Women dont understand it and never will for one reason only. They dont want to understand. They are right and thats that."
...but here's the thing... most men don't understand it from most women's point of... (read in full...)
Why is my husband so secretive?
Q. hi,my name is amrita.I am married for 6 months and i am now pregnant,but when i ask my husband questions,like whats his monthly payment or whats his password for yahoo he dont wanna tell me these thing.I gave him my password to my yahoo cause i love ...
A. 22 September 2010: Just because you're married, doesn't mean that you have to "meld" together and become one person... its important to have time to yourself and keep being the wonderful individual that attracted your partner to you in the first place.
You m... (read in full...)
I wish I could take the two men and combine them into one! What do I do?
Q. I have my partner and a lover,but I would like to break up with my lover because he is married and my partner loves me very much and to his eyes I'm the perfect woman and I want that to stay like it is so far,but I'm very in love with my lover ...
A. 21 September 2010: put down the hacksaw..
... (read in full...)
I feel bored to tears with everything in my life!
Q. I need some advice. Have you ever felt bored to tears with everything in your life? Interacting with the kids, my professional life, dinner parties with friends, playing poker with the boys, going on a trip to see a big NFL game - and worse of ...
A. 21 September 2010: Yeh, I get ya. It sucks because when you can't find the joy in life then that will affect everything you do every single freakin' day.
Now you only get one life and honestly if you're not enjoying it and finding some joy in even the little t... (read in full...)
Why would a man turn a woman down even when he is really horny?
Q. why man turn a women down when they are really horny? is it the woman or is something else???...
A. 21 September 2010: Could be one of many different reasons, really need a bit more detail of a specific situation...
How did the woman know that he was horny?? Did he tell her? Or did she just notice that he was "hard"?
Just because a guy has a hard-on, it do... (read in full...)
How can I get my friend to see that she is wasting her time on a horrible guy and he is only going to end up hurting her?
Q. Ok, my best friend has been in love with this guy for 7 years but theyve never had a relationship. This is because he would rather use her for a one night stand than have a relationship with her. She knows this but every time he clicks his fingers ...
A. 21 September 2010: I wish dirtball was wrong... but he ain't.... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 21 September 2010: "Women, you absolutely have the right to a porn-free relationship and to hold out for a guy who shares your view. They are out there. (Of course, that also means men have the right to hold out for a woman who's accepting of porn and not settle for ... (read in full...)
I Don't Feel Pretty Enough To Be With Him
Q. So..I'm dating this guy, and he's really sweet and nice, and I think he's really hott. But I just don't feel pretty enough to be with him. I asked him if he could change anything about me, what would it be, and he said he'd make me have bigger ...
A. 21 September 2010: If you ask a loaded question, expect a loaded reply.
Pretty jerky answer if he wasn't joking tho..... (read in full...)
I lied about what a looked like and now he is mad! how can I get him back?
Q. Hello everyone one thank you for taking the time to read my question first i want to give you some info...So i met this guy like a week an half ago on the internet an we been talking ever since..We have a lot of chemistry talk every single day for ...
A. 21 September 2010: Why would you make a fake account to begin with?? Seriously, that just seems really confusing to me. Are you really age 22-25... Thinking you've fallen in love after a week and a half of chatting on the internet is kinda normal... but more when ... (read in full...)
Is it realistic to think that she could leave him for good and come with me?
Q. A few months ago I came across a girl a knew from years back. We started talking and texting. And as time went by we would do it more frequently. At this point I was falling for her but I didnt want to tell her because I she had a boyfriend. Well ...
A. 20 September 2010: Why hasn't she left him already is the real question...
She's not married to him, doesn't have a kid with him... what possible reason could she be with him still if she is truly in love with you.
Is it possible that she could do the same to y... (read in full...)
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