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jimrich
writes:Hi: I have read a lot of negative things at forums about the dangers and evil of PORN (OMG) and wish to offer my perspective on Porn.When I got caught up in Porn, it was not because something was missing in my current marriage. I just liked those wonderful bodies and also I was using the stimulation to re-generate my own libido (I'm 72) so I could give more to my wife. It did work for a while and I became a little better 'performer'. I never allowed Porn to make my wife seem inferior to anyone in Porn and so Porn has never become a threat to her self esteem/worth or our respect and love for each other. But then, she has good self esteem and would not have ever been threatened by those exotic babes in Porn or anywhere else. Our love is solid and so jealousy does not rear it's ugly head in our marriage.The thing about Porn that has begun to matter is all the amazing and useful things I have been learning from those intimate video examples, especially from Lesbian clips. One example is that, should I ejaculate early or not at all, I now have a collection of methods and techniques to proceed and satisfy my partner, even though I'm 'finished'. I'd be specific but you can see all this and more if you care or dare to watch some porn - especially Lesbian clips. This has become all the more useful to me since I am no longer able (at 72) to attain an erection or 'keep it up' but still want to do things with and for my wife. We have used some 'toys' in the past but find that whatever we have by nature is sufficient and less complicated than pulling out 'toys' - other than our trusty vibrator, LOL.The other benefit I have gained from Porn is to face and overcome my long standing fears and misunderstandings of certain female body parts such as the Clitoris. Just observing folks in action and close up shots of body parts has removed my fears, doubts and IGNORANCE surrounding those objects. Learning exactly what and how to do things has been worth it to me and my wife. I thought I knew quite enough before but now I know a lot more and am getting better rather than worse at sex.Finally, I can say that although there are limited examples of tender, affection and passionate love in most Porn clips, I have found some that specifically offer examples of tender, passionate love making leading into sex. These are very precious clips to me as I will never trade passion and tenderness for romping athletics in bed even though I admit that sometimes gymnastics may be wanted by some. No violence please!Overall, I'd say that Porn can have a powerful and positive effect in a couples sex life if there is improvement and loss of fear in the relationship. And as with anything in life, there is always a danger of misuse or addiction but that is not a fault of Porn itself but about some flaw in the persons or the relationship. Porn should be of no threat to anyone in my opinion and if it is, the individuals may need some counseling or therapy to deal with their issues. Women who fear or despise Porn are most likely suffering from some form of low/bad self worth and self esteem from their early childhood and need to deal with their own insecurities regarding 'other women'. If a woman has good self esteem and respect, she may enjoy and gain benefits from Porn the same as I did. The examples can work for both partners, IMO.If you have Religious issues with Porn, I don't know what to tell you other than - GET OVER IT! Sex is a natural function and has nothing to do with religion unless someone has made it a religious PROBLEM for them self. I would highly recommend Porn as a teaching system for anyone confused or struggling with sexual stuff.:) Jim
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reader, kewuoygy +, writes (25 October 2010):
I think the discussion would be further advanced if we arrived first at a clearer idea of what porn really is. From what I've read thus far, it seems that those opposing porn keep reiterating the (potential) bad effects of porn--with or without empirical support, or just by fiat asserting that porn is by itself bad or that porn is not art.
But merely claiming that porn could have bad effects on people--say, leading to addiction--does not make it bad by itself. Again, as I pointed out before, some people get so addicted to playing video games like Sims that they don't want to go to work or school. (I'm not talking about graphically violent games like Grand Theft Auto.) That kind of addiction is certainly bad, but you have to show me that Sims is by itself bad, such that you shouldn't even touch it, period. But that's exactly the issue. Simply because some people get addicted to porn, and that's certainly bad, it doesn't mean that porn itself is bad. You need to provide some compelling argument to show that porn itself is bad.
If you say that porn itself is bad because it depicts graphic sexual acts, then why is it that when you and your partner do the same things that the actors and actresses do in "porn," you don't call it porn, and you think that's acceptable. You would need to provide a clear definition of porn.
Needless to say, movies depicting sex acts between adults and children is very bad, and that should be banned. But I'm not talking about "child porn." I am talking about graphic depiction of sex between two consenting adults. What is so bad about that?
You might say, "Well, because that doesn't involve love. In porn, you've got two actors dropping their pants and then immediately get to the act." That's true, but how about making a movie with graphic sex but with a good storyline, namely two actors in love, etc.? Would you still call it porn?
What I am saying is that if we don't clear up these issues and just merely reiterating that porn is bad or porn is not art without an argument, we might end up saying that belly dancing is porn, women wearing bikini on a beach is porn, so on and so forth, because we don't know where to draw the line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Gamine you quote sacrifice and giving up porn for the other person. Does that not work the other way around too, that a compromise should also consider that maybe the person using porn should also be accommodated?
If porn's a luxury then where's the problem? Chocolate cake is a luxury too, do I have to tell my girlfriend to give that up for the sake of the relationship because I don't like chocolate? Or even the fact that chocolate cake is all sugar and fat, which is bad for her? No, I wouldn't you wanna know why? Because while I may detest it, she enjoys it, it gives her something and makes her happy, so I can live with that.
No, both parties must be accommodated in my opinion, we do sacrifice certain things for our significant other but it works both ways. I have yet to date a girl that hates it so much that it's a problem, my girlfriend enjoys it as much as me and we've even made our own.
I guess at the end of the day if this is a major issue for a person then they must be up front about it from the beginning. I just don't get how so many people wonder why after 2-3 years of a relationship their significant other still uses porn or only find out then that they use it. We can't change people, you can't ask someone to give up something because you all of a sudden think it's a problem.
I can only say I've probably been lucky to have only ever dated girls that had the same views on it as me. I guess I just chose people with the same values as me from the start.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): person12345 it wasn't a personal attack on you apologies if it seemed that way, it was an attack on your approach to the subject and the evidence presented which is very biased in my opinion.
I too am writing a thesis at the moment and I understand the complexities of it all too well. I also understand that you have taken a negative approach to pornography and in your paper this will be reflected, that you study it from that approach and look for evidence to back up your theory.
You know as well as me that you can find studies and evidence of conducted studies and peer reviews that will back up almost any argument, if I had the time (which I don't) I could easily find tonnes of studies and research to prove that my opinion is also right. That's how academia works and that's what makes it great. There are very few concrete certainties in this kind of study as you well know. I'm sure if you looked you could find plenty of psychologists that could explain how pornography is actually beneficial to a person you could also find plenty of studies and statistics that paint pornography in a positive light. Remember just because someone may have a degree or doctorate doesn't make everything they say fact, it just means they have more knowledge on which to base an opinion but it's still just opinion nonetheless.
I didn't say you were wrong, it's a matter of opinion, you're anti pornography and you have found evidence to back up your theories and opinions. I too have a wealth of knowledge to back up my own opinions and satisfy my own beliefs, which is neither pro nor anti pornography. Such is the way of the world.
I didn't say you were blaming men, my point was that study was specific to finding out where porn might have been a factor not the main cause. After examining the evidence of that study it was cited as a 'contributing factor' but in your first post you made it sound like porn was a 'major reason' in those cases, where does it factor in the fact that porn use in legal battles could simply be something that was never an issue during the marriage but a useful piece of ammunition to paint a negative light on the character of a person in a court case. I doubt you will find many cases of divorce where porn use was the sole reason for the divorce. You're using that statistic to prove your point but it's a flawed statistic as it is misleading.
Again I wasn't attacking you, I was attacking the 'evidence' you cite and your presentation of the evidence. I have no time for biased in any topic. I believe everything should be examined from an objective point of view.
Let me ask you a question, in your paper did you ever come across a figure representing the amount of men that actually use porn or have used porn? I'm sure you're aware that figure represents the majority of us. Yet there still exist healthy relationships among porn users, out of all the stats you quoted to "prove" porn was bad, the fact that I and most other guys who use it are balanced, good, happy people that love, desire and respect our partners throws your entire argument out the door.
I'm not even going try and refute your straw man argument where you claim that statistics prove that I too have had porn have a negative impact on my life but that I just don't realize it. Haha.
"That must mean you only find it ridiculous for people to get worked up if they have a differing opinion from yours." Huh? How does that make sense? I can't understand how people get worked up over a menial thing because it is menial to me, I thought that was obvious really. When you don't understand how people can get worked up over something it means it doesn't bother you and you just can't understand how people get so worked up over it. I don't get your point. I never stated other peoples opinions are less than mine or ridiculous, do I think it's ridiculous to let porn be so important yes of course because I'm proof you can live a good life and never let it effect anything in your life. I think it's ridiculous not to be able to enter a room because there's a small spider in there too, by your logic that makes me think arachnophobes are fools or something but I don't.
Everything both of us posted about is opinion but you try and represent your argument as fact, it's not.
Actually it didn't get under my skin at all, read my other posts on this site and you'll see that's just my posting style, it's very blunt and acerbic, many mistake it as a personal attack or as angry and vitriolic but it's not really. That's just my approach to things. I have highly emotive style and I'm sorry if you felt offended or thought it was personal attack it wasn't. Not even in the slightest.
Contrary to what you may believe or how I present my arguments, I value your opinions and ideas. Free, open and frank debates are the best way to learn new things or alter your own perceptions on certain concepts. I welcome your contributions and while I may not agree with you, I will always consider and respect your opinion.
I'm just someone who is exceptionally black and white when it comes to these kinds of issues, I know what works for me and I rarely deviate from my ethics and morals. I've never had porn had a negative effect on my life and I don't know anyone that has. In my entire life every guy I've known well used it and I've never heard of them having issues with girls about it, pretty much all the girls I've known didn't care about it either or used it themselves.
So yes it is ridiculous to let porn have such a negative impact both for the addict and the person that gets jealous of a persons usage.
I've had addictions to things, I know how bad addiction to anything can be, do I think I was ridiculous to have been an addict, hell yeah I do, addiction is a fools game, it is always a choice and people can choose not to be. But you can also choose not to let things bother you too. If you hate porn then you can choose not to hate it. We're an intelligent species and we can wire our brains any way we want. Why would you let something ruin your relationships when all you have to do is alter your perception?
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Porn is never healthy. Ever. Pornography itself is a vile form of what some claim to be 'art' if it is even possible to call it such a thing. There is nothing artistic about any of it, nor is it sensual or helpful in any way. Food for the lust hungry is all it is and it is all it will ever be.
What Person12345 is saying proves that pornography has predominately negative affects mentally and sometimes even emotionally and physically. It is very easy to get addicted to it, it is very easy to stumble upon something you wish you had never seen but by the time you realize your own regret, it is too late.
What Cerberus is saying also stands true in a sense. Tests, especially test for psychology and sociology, have their flaws and can never be 100% accurate because there are far too many variables and far too little proof that every mind in the world is alike. Similar, but not exactly the same and that is practically the basis for psychology, they work on the assumption that every mind is basically the same. Arguable but this is what I found to be true. However, this does not mean whatever they say is false and completely doubtful, a lot of what they say is accurate enough to rely on.
The point of this being that pornography will always be a terrible form of media, essentially force fed to the world in large doses. To whomever said "It's not worth fighting over it" I strongly disagree. Pornography is not a choice, it is eerily like oxygen, you can hold your breath but eventually, you will have to open your mouth and gasp for air. It is inevitable, no matter how rarely you ever take that breath. Show me a man who has never even glimpsed upon it out of curiosity or out of pressure from his peers or even because he wanted to see what it was like, even if he caught a friend looking at it. It is barely a choice. For some reason, society has taken that 'choice' out of every man or woman's hands.
It becomes something worth fighting over when people ARE affected by it. When little adolescent boys post on this very website complaining about whether or not they should get help for their porn addiction, it becomes a problem. When a woman is forced into the underground porn industry, it becomes a problem. When large criminal organizations forcibly abduct young women to tear them into something used for their own foul abuse of what they think is dominance, porn becomes a problem because so long as there is a consumer, there shall be a producer and that is a large problem. It is something worth fighting over. Perhaps you need a look through this whole website, I do in fact remember a particular complaint where many women could relate, to a loving wife pulled into a deep depression because her husband was watching porn, completely inconsiderate of her emotions or how hurt she was. That is not the way a husband is ever supposed to treat a wife and when porn becomes the terrible struggle in a relationship, it becomes a problem.
When people start trying to rationalize something so perverse, it becomes apparent that something is horribly wrong. There is nothing natural or beautiful about pornography. There are no 'benefits' of porn. What you think are benefits of porn are really the 'benefits' of your love for your spouse and the want for intimacy you share.
What TimmD said I found to be a fantastic, men do have a responsibility to their spouses and not their own despicable desires. Pornography will always be a terrible burden and people need to simply stop and look at what is happening around them before they continue to idly stroke their shafts with their sweaty fingers for a mere moments worth of ecstasy whilst their wives are weeping in their bedrooms, wondering why their husbands prefer pornography over them. They, who have loved to deeply. They who have made their husbands smile, sometimes sacrificing their own emotional well being for the sake of their lover. Pornography is a problem.
I wish that simply saying "We need to stop watching porn" would just wipe away all the stress and heart-wrenching grief it has caused or will cause. But it will not because people, strangely enough, will always try to rationalize what they are doing and that is a sad truth.
I hope that helps.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Yes, porn can be bad. Especially for relationships. But that doesn't mean it is ALWAYS bad. Not all men are alike. Just like all women aren't alike.
I'm willing to bet that all of those marriages that ended in divorce claiming "pornography" were doomed no matter what. Porn may have been the reason, but in those cases porn was just an ends to a means. If it wasn't porn it would have been something else.
I get annoyed when all men are simply lumped up into one category. To all of the ladies out there, do you think it is at all remotely possible for there to be a good man who is a good husband, who is loyal and loving that can still watch pornography? Is there ANY chance?
Pornography, especially when it is an addiction, is bad. And when you choose pornography over being intimate with your partner that is also bad. But in my opinion there are too many times when pornography is automatically, and closed mindedly bad.
Would most men have a problem with their wives/girlfriends watching porn? No, i don't believe so. I wouldn't. Even if it were by themselves? No. Because what most women don't understand is that men aren't fantasizing about those women in those videos. They don't wish they were with them instead. All women see is those skinny, plastic looking, FAKE girls in those highly publicized videos.... but believe it or not, the sites of the "regular" couples posting their own videos are becoming more popular nowadays. Many guys just like watching regular couples and regular girls. Some girls would even be surprised to see the ages, the sizes, and the shapes of the "do-it-yourselfers" posting videos now.
For most men, porn is just for getting off. Ask all of those men who watch porn if they ever continue watching after they've climaxed.... almost all should say "I just it off immediately." Many (but not all) women have a huge amount of insecurities about their looks. I think that is a huge factor when it comes to problems with porn. What jimrich has said here is a perfect example of how porn is not always bad. Partners get used to each other. Heck, when you are together for so long it gets harder and harder to get aroused every single day. That's not a lack of love or respect, it's life. If porn can help stimulate your mind and body so you can perform better, then by all means do so.
I would also like to add that men do have a responsibility to their partner if they know full well that they are really against porn. Yes, it may not be fair for a woman to be closed minded about it... but still doing it behind their back is not right either. At that point, compromises should be at least attempted to be made. Perhaps recording each other while having sex? This will surprisingly have a similar effect on men who watch porn - watching themselves.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Cerberus, next time before you blow up in anger and tell me all the studies I've cited, which are all either in peer-reviewed journals or in well-researched books, why not try actually reading these studies you seem convinced are totally wrong? You can't state something is incorrect if you didn't even look it up and read it. Most of the "refutes" you have are based on my one sentence summaries of papers that are pages upon pages long. You could at least go and read the abstracts of the papers, which would take maybe five minutes tops before attacking me. That's why I bothered putting in a citation rather than simply stating the point. Like I've said in several of these types of posts, I'm working on a paper on the subject and have spent hours upon hours researching the stuff. I would never use a study I hadn't read through thoroughly and thought was a very well-conducted study.
1) You claim my numbers are completely biased, that I'm "blaming men" and that I just pulled the numbers out of thin air. "That Paul guy" is actually a woman, who uses the number in her book on the subject, Pornified. Paul is her last name. I cite her rather than the studies it originally came from because she compiled several different surveys and studies to come up with the number. However, the most used/cited of the numbers she came up with came from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, where the number was compiled from a survey of 350 lawyers who are members. Furthermore, it does not specify men in particular are the cause, and even further it does not say pornography was the only cause, it says it was a major cause. Not the only cause.
2. The study didn't require anyone to sit and watch porn for 6 hours straight, it was over six weeks never watching for more than an hour, which was shorter than the average length of the films they were watching. The study compared the answers of these men to men in the control group who would watch the exact same amount of non-violent non-sexual material, in this case comedy sitcoms. It found that the men who watched the non-violent pornography had significantly (which means in the science world statistically significant) different answers in terms of wanting to get married and have children. Men who watched the pornography were significantly less likely to want to marry or have children, especially female children.
3. I don't feel like pulling out the whole giant book the statistic is from, but I looked up another survey, involving over 10,000 participants in which people self-reported time spent on the internet. Many clinics define a compulsive habit as spending more than 10 hours per week. According to this survey, 12% use it for more than 15 hours a week, and 16% use it between 6-15 hours. This is the survey used in the documentary I believe it's called American Pornography. It was done by frontline news.
4. The psychiatrist has no reason to be lying to the press about this and probably wouldn't have agreed to an interview if he didn't think it was a problem. And he's estimating based on his probably hundreds of patients, that more than half have a problem with pornography. He was simply interviewed, he didn't submit an official report where he counted patients. But I'm sure you could find them if you so choose. I saw one survey where one psychiatrist DID count patients, and 82% were there for pornography related problems, but didn't include it because it seemed on the high side and showing an extreme.
5. I just found it to be an interesting anecdotal piece, if you read the interviews in the study rather than attacking me. It's more of an anecdotal study, rather than the kind using 12,000 participants like Claudio Violato's study in 2002, which if you cared to you should look up. A different study, which can be found in the book The Price We Pay found that approximately 50% of women had some kind of very negative reaction to a partner using pornography, with varying percentages based on what was asked ranging from around 25% (thinking it was cheating) up to around 65% (a question about lowered self-esteem as a result of a partner viewing pornography). Again I really don't feel like hauling the book out, but the sample size was around 500 I believe.
6. This is one of the most repeated studies ever done on pornography. I'm not sure what your point is in your refute. You sound like you're angrily agreeing with me by attempting to attack me. You basically just said, yes, watching something better than what you have (hotter women in pornography) makes you less satisfied, but that you don't particularly care. I'm not sure how saying watching MTV makes you less satisfied with your bathtub is either relevant or how it disproves one of the most cited pornography studies out there. You can read the abstract here:
"Male and female students and nonstudents were exposed to videotapes featuring common, nonviolent pornography or innocuous content. Exposure was in hourly sessions in six consecutive weeks. In the seventh week, subjects participated in an ostensibly unrelated study on societal institutions and personal gratifications. On an especially constructed questionnaire, subjects rated their personal happiness regarding various domains of experience; additionally, they indicated the relative importance of gratifying experiences. Exposure to pornography was without influence on the self-assessment of happiness and satisfaction outside the sexual realm (e.g., satisfaction deriving from professional accomplishments). In contrast, it strongly impacted self-assessment of sexual experience. After consumption of pornography, subjects reported less satisfaction with their intimate partners—specifically, with these partners' affection, physical appearance, sexual curiosity, and sexual performance proper. In addition, subjects assigned increased importance to sex without emotional involvement. These effects were uniform across gender and populations."
One more I wish to throw in, just because you seem completely convinced it's never affected you or anyone you know, there have been two studies (that I've found) on something called third person bias, where you think that something won't affect you, but will affect others. The bigger of the two, conducted by the Kaiser Family Group, found that while 32% of people thought sexualized media affected other people a lot and 40% thought it somewhat affected others, 50% thought it had no impact whatsoever on themselves. The other study found something very similar, but with pornography in particular.
As well, you comment how you find it ridiculous for people to get so worked up over something so "minuscule" (though I'm not sure what gives you the right to decide if something is minuscule and has no effect on anyone) while you yourself just posted an incredibly worked up and angry sounding post on the subject. That must mean you only find it ridiculous for people to get worked up if they have a differing opinion from yours. I've spent a long time interviewing and gathering information for my own paper, and am always surprised by how incredibly angry people get when I present any sort of scientific evidence that say negative things about pornography. I've had someone start screaming at me in the middle of a restaurant, despite the fact that I wasn't even talking to him. I was just showing someone else a fairly short list of some of the most well-conducted studies on the topic. The anger expressed against the studies and activists is so pronounced that's it's fairly clear that the anger isn't simply because someone "disagrees." It's clearly, and backed by talking to three separate psychologists in interviews, an anger that can only come from a deep emotional involvement. Furthermore, many women pretend to have an interest in pornography because they know that if they express a differing opinion they will be called prude, controlling, stupid, etc... or maybe they'll provoke an incredibly angry response, such as ones I've experienced or like the post you just made ridiculing me and all the studies posted, which again you didn't even read before mocking and dismissing.
I know you don't like what I posted, or that it somehow seemed to really get under your skin, but nothing I posted is factually incorrect, badly conducted, or "just wrong." I know you don't like it, but that doesn't make it wrong.
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reader, kewuoygy +, writes (19 October 2010):
Porn has been blamed for anything ranging from extramarital affairs to divorce, but notice that in places like France and Japan, where nudity and/or porn is more pervasive, the divorce rates are much lower, especially in Japan. Before lashing out at porn, there are a number of issues that need to be cleared up:(1) What exactly is porn? How is it different from art? You wouldn't call Michelangelo's David "porn," right? There are sites that merely display images of the female body--not in the act of coitus. Is that art, or is that porn? How do you draw the line between porn and art? (2) Why is it when you see yourself doing with your partner the kind of things that the actors and actresses do in porn--oral sex, etc., it is not porn--at least you consider it legit, and not porn? But when you watch others people do, it becomes porn? (3) Is porn necessarily bad? Couldn't porn have therapeutic effect? How about couples watching "porn" in sex therapy sessions? In fact, to encourage pandas to have sex and procreate, breeders have come up with the idea of having male pandas watch "panda porn". http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/AmazingAnimals/porn-boost-male-pandas-sex-drives/story?id=9718714Porn addiction, as with any addiction like playing video games, can certainly create problems, but it is unclear that "porn" by itself is bad--especially if you can imagine doing the same things with your partner as those actors and actresses do in porn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Haha person12345
Nice try.
1. That 56% figure is misleading as hell, that's like citing "men" as a reason. It doesn't mention any of the details which are vital, it doesn't state anything at all factual it's just a made up number.
2. If I or most men were forced to sit and watch 6 hours of porn then I'd never want to see another woman again haha, let alone get married or have kids.
3. 15% of people have developed a compulsive habit? What size was the test group? Did it have male or female subjects? How many people have developed an unhealthy compulsive habit of eating? Does that make food bad too?
4. One psychiatrist "estimates", estimations = bullshit. I estimate 100% of estimations are unprovable because they can't be backed up by facts, hence why they are estimations and worthless. (Cerberus, 2010)
5. 32 female subjects is not a viable test group to prove anything, I could find 32 that love porn, in fact most of my female friends do. I wonder if you showed them images of fashion models, baywatch or celebrities in bikinis would their reaction be any different, somehow I think not.
6. You show someone enough of any type of fantasy they'll be less satisfied with their real version. That's a psychological certainty, you sit a guy/girl down and make him/her watch MTV cribs for varying lengths of time, do you think s/he's not going to even be the slightest bit disappointed that his/her apartment doesn't have a diamond encrusted jacuzzi?
None of anything you cited proves anything at all. Bullshit studies with flawed test groups, not enough detail in the studies nor adequate citations of evidence. Except perhaps that this 'Paul' guy has an unhealthy obsession and hatred for porn.
"for most people watching porn = wanting more porn and not sex" haha hmmmm
"Live women can't even turn them on" "most people" haha
Sorry you're just wrong.
Porn is just not that important, it's nothing, it's not worth fighting over and it's not worth worrying about. Some guys have problems with it and some girls have problems with it. Hating it is as irrational as a phobia of spiders. I'm not saying it's right or wrong to hate or love it but what's the point in giving it such importance? I will never get how people get so worked up about a thing that they never have to deal with if they don't want to, that will never be a problem as long as they don't make it one.
Most guys never compare, most of us never get obsessed, most of us would always choose a real woman. Most women don't actually care about porn, you might get the impression they do from this site but I have rarely met one that gave a damn, they have their fantasies too and they can distinguish between the two. Frankly as a guy that has used porn to get off since I was 13, and who has dated quite a few girls/women in that time too, and never had it effect my sexual desire for them nor ever actually dated a girl that gave a crap, I don't see how people care so much about such a menial thing.
Just saying.
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reader, FRANK_KNOWS +, writes (17 October 2010):
Porn is Porn.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (11 October 2010):
I wasn't going to touch this one, but...
56% of divorces cite pornography as a major reason for the divorce. That is more than due to cheating. (Paul, 2005)
"After watching only six hours of nonviolent pornography, research subjects were much less likely to want to marry or have children than subjects in the control group." (Zillmann and Bryant 1989)
An estimated 15% of people have developed a compulsive habit with pornography that disrupts their lives. (Paul, 2004)
"One psychiatrist specializing in treatment of sexual dysfunction estimates that 60% of his cases are directly related to the Internet." (The Sunday Paper, Atlanta)
Out of 32 female subjects, 30 of the subjects reacted strongly negatively when shown images of porn, suffered feelings of inferiority, and felt that after viewing these images men would find them less attractive. However, despite a strongly negative reaction, only one or two felt comfortable even mentioning it to their partner. (Shaw, 1999)
After being shown non-violent pornography over varying lengths of time, men were less satisfied with their partner's attractiveness, sexual curiosity, and the frequency of sex. This study was repeated numerous times and the outcome was the same. (Russell, 1974. Paul, 2005. Donnerstein, 1978).
In most people porn viewing makes them want more porn, not more sex. It leads to desensitization to the point where not even a live naked woman can turn them on.
Just sayin'.
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reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 I agree that porn can be a positive asset in expanding and enriching sex lives. In a relationship that sounds open and honest like yours, I feel like porn has just become another way for you to communicate be open and try new things in your relationship - become more intimate.
When porn becomes an issue it is usually because it takes away from a couples sex life - it becomes about detachment and removal from intimacy. When it is something that is hidden, overused, or used to avoid conversation or reality it is no different than any other substance abuse.
Porn can be devastating to a marriage or it can be very helpful, I truly feel it is all in tne hands of the individuals who watch/use it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): I hate porn, no offense, but when my boyfriend jacks off to porn in my room while I'm out on the couch crying, it becomes a problem.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 September 2010):
Hi there. Yes it certainly could be a learning tool, if you wanted to take that path. It would be a good way to learn some of the finer points for anyone willing to visit a porn site.
It's great that it has opened up some new avenues for you and your wife. It seems to have bought you some satisfying results. This is positive.
As long as visiting porn sites doesn't become an obsession, it can remain healthy and not damage a relationship.
As you have said, in some cases with young men, it can become addictive. But I really think that in that case, it's more often about boredom and escape than about the pornographic sex itself. Doing that (visiting porn sites), in the absence of something more interesting to do.
Best wishes to both of you. Take care.
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male
reader, wisernow +, writes (25 September 2010):
l think Jim missed the point. Most porn is boring and unromantic. The producers of these films seem to believe we are all perverts interested only in seeing a so so performance between people who are not romantically interested in each other...... yet they are suppposed to be actors....
l grow weary of watching a penis sliding i and out of a vagina endlessly.... Don't these couples ever orgasm?
l would prefer to watch a real story line that leads to the seduction of a lovely lady and some explicit sex rather than mindless sucking and humping .
Nothing is more erotic than to see two people geeting off with each other .
But what we get is a female whose vocabulary is limited to "oh oh" and "yes" and haevy breathing... My wife says things such as "oh that feels good" and a soft "cumming" at the appropriate time.
l have long maintained that a film of very physically beautiful couples along with a real story and some romantic and baeutiful sex would fill theaters from coast to coast.
But this aside porn does play a role in society. Millions of males masturbate daily as they watch it and this can only have a positive effect on sex crimes. Without porn l believe rapes would increase. Porm provides a valuable outlet to those without a ready means of release.
Brad
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male
reader, jimrich +, writes (25 September 2010):
jimrich is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Cupid Boy:
3
:)
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male
reader, Cupid Boy +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Forgot to mention... I think it's awesome that couples in their 70s and older are still getting it on with each other (though many in society see this as creepy for some reason). You are still learning new things and trying new things. That's how everyone should age. :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): Every funeral needs a song...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnqE0L-lkKA
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male
reader, jimrich +, writes (24 September 2010):
jimrich is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You have a death wish my friend :)"
LOL! :D
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male
reader, Cupid Boy +, writes (24 September 2010):
Interesting perspective. And you mentioned something I think many like to overlook which is that not all porn is of the violent, degrading, filthy, humiliating variety. Not all porn is the same. Some actually strives to be beautiful.
But I wouldn't tell those against porn to just get over it. Most people, religious or not, disapprove of things like promiscuity and anonymous, unprotected sex between strangers. But that is exactly what happens when they make pornos. Why is it illegal to pay someone to have sex with you, yet legal to pay two people to have sex with each other while being filmed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): I totally agree with you, it only becomes a problem if you bring what you have learnt from watching into the bedroom or life of your partner in a negative way.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 September 2010):
 Where can I send the flowers Jimbo?
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (23 September 2010):
 You have a death wish my friend :)
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