A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:dear all,my gf dosent see a future in me, because i have 15k student debt!we where making out after a session of sex, and i asked her how she slept, as she seemed to be having nightmares. she didnt want to tell me at first, but after persuasion, came out with it. she told me it was the 5th one shes had of the same scenario...being pregnant with my child. i would like a child in the near future before the age of 28, but back to the info.. i asked her why she was scared of this prospect? i have a job in research and development that will be well paid, once my qualifacations are processed. she says she wants to have fun first and told me outright that she dosent see a future with me because i will be mired with debt! she says im terrible with money and i am the only person that can convince her that she should be in my future...she wants a realistic deadline for everything to happen, pref in the next 2 years, while she travels with her aunt and holidays with her friends. she has drawn up a legal document with somekind of lawyers aswell - i never knew these people existed to make up personal contracts..basically she wants me to provide her with a home, while shes out enjoying herself...help? i want a future with her, but not a one sided one, how do i make it fair? do i have to put my feelings aside and work my butt off to get a flat, car and pay off most of my student loan? what happens if there are hiccups financially along the way, will she account for this? she hasnt even got herself a job yet and is living off the dole having a life of riley that i want but convinced i cant afford! thanks for reading
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Can you say gold-digger?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): First, 15K in student debt isn't that bad. Students in America graduate with about 40K.
If you will soon have a good job, you surely will be able to afford a flat and nice things.
However, do you want to share these nice things with a girlfriend who is doing nothing to contribute to your lifestyle? If you honestly think it's incredibly unfair, but this is how she wants it, you can always walk away from this one.
If you're going to be as successful as it sounds here, you'll have no problem finding a wonderful woman with whom to share your life -- who will no doubt share it evenly.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, RennieGeek  +, writes (27 September 2010):
She sounds like she is money hungry and is only concerned with personal possessions and having someone to take care of her. If she is on you about your money and job and debt, but doesn't have one yet, this is a red flag to me! Especially having lawyers draw up a paper without your consent!
This one sounds like BIG trouble down the road!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Why would you want a future with this woman? She is not willing to support you with anything, if anything it seems like she doesnt want to be with you! why are you even waisting your time? get someone who will work with you.
she is going to make you suffer and you know it. She will use you. When you can tell that about someone in advance dont even let yourself get further with her.
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A
female
reader, RainyDays93 +, writes (27 September 2010):
Tell her if she wants a comfortable life she should get herself a job. She sounds like she expects to enjoy life without having to do any hard work at all. She needs to realise that this is the real world and she can't spend her life living off you or the council. It isn't fair.She shouldn't be annoyed at you for having student debts, you went out and got the qualifications you needed to make something of yourself and you were quite right in doing so. Now you have a good job, something to show for it. What does she have? She is very lucky to have you, you are working and realise you have to work to be able to do things.This isn't fair at all. It would be understandable if she was wanting to be a mother and stay at home and raise children, that is a perfectly respectable decision, but she can't expect to not work and just get an easy ride. You work hard for what you get while she mooches off other people. This isn't fair.I hope things work out for you :)
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