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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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How do I walk away for good?
Q. Here is the one thing that keeps me up at night! I would love a man's opion on this. Why would a man who says he loves you and cares for you be so up and down? Did he even really love me? We broke our vows with each other he said he had never don...
A. 4 August 2010: How long were you married?
Also when you say "We broke our vows with each other" does that mean you both had affairs or just him?... (read in full...)
Ever get jealous of people that get engaged or are married?
Q. I see on facebook how people I know from the past are getting married or just recently engaged. I'm a 24 year old single dude, and I get down when I see this. I feel happy for them, but I get a little sad. I had this one relationship (I liked this ...
A. 4 August 2010: I wouldn't say that I get jealous, but when someone gets engaged/married I do take a moment to assess myself and where I'm headed.
Then I remember that I'm 26 and still have all the time in the world... :D And so do you!
Have you dated anyone... (read in full...)
Do you think men can change or do you think cheaters will always be cheaters?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 1/2 years and have been living together for 8 years. I moved out real young at the age of 17. Everything was going with well with he and I until and we talked about having kids and a couple of months later I was ...
A. 4 August 2010: Cheaters won't necessarily always be cheaters, but a significant amount will be.
Your boyfriend has just been caught and the consequences of his actions were delayed for a whole year... He's also clearly comfortable with cheating and deceptio... (read in full...)
Why do some girls act this way?
Q. this is more complaining than anything else..its an observation i have made..i have some friends with boyfriends who i would say are the type you would have really absolutely and positvely nothing to worry about..and the thought wouldn't even cross ...
A. 3 August 2010: "It actually kind of annoys me they are trying to appear like the super laid back girlfriend but i know them well enough to know if the boyfriends had different personalities"
No offense, but their boyfriends don't have different personal... (read in full...)
How do you guys keep confidence and not slip up?
Q. How do you guys keep confidence and not slip up? It's so aggravating, because I can be a confident guy, but I'm almost ALWAYS shy when I first meet a girl. It annoys the hell out of me. My heart pumps a little faster, I say rather plain things, an...
A. 3 August 2010: This is totally normal dude... how do you be more confident you say...??
Experience.
You're going to have to have your fair share of shaky high pitched, deer in headlights moments.
But in time it passes... just like acne ;)
Best of luck... (read in full...)
I'm scared I'm turning into a slut.
Q. It's been forever since i've been on this site, it helped me alot when I was 18 so hopely it can help me again now i'm 21. Basically in the last 4 years i changed dramatic as a person, i've had my heart broken twice. And my standards in men...
A. 3 August 2010: You haven't slept anybody for over a year... you aren't a slut at all... you may be guarded, but you're smart. You're meeting many guys and learning what you do and don't want in a relationship without actually sleeping with them... as a nightclub ... (read in full...)
Should I kiss my girlfriend?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been out for a just over a month now and my friends keep saying i should kiss her. one day me and a few of my friends and her and a few of her friends went to the cinema, and after she got off the train on the way home two ...
A. 3 August 2010: If you can get within roughly 15 centimeters from her face when you are looking directly at her and she doesn't flinch away then you can 95% of the time kiss her. If she doesn't want to kiss you then she'll look away, turn to the side, act shy... ... (read in full...)
Having trouble deciding whether to settle down with him.
Q. I'm a teenager and I normally don't take my relationships to seriously. The last relationship I was in lasted for about two and a half months. Unfortunatly I got really attatched to him!!! On the fourth of July he told me that his parents were ...
A. 3 August 2010: "I think I'm to young to make the right choice for myself:("
That is quite possibly the most mature thing I've ever heard come out of a teenagers mouth. It's a big bad world out there with millions of people to date... The chances of finding ... (read in full...)
What age do most people lose their virginity?
Q. Hello, I am curious as to what age most people lose their virginity. All my friends have had sex, and I was wondering what age most people began having sex....
A. 3 August 2010: Statistics mean nothing to the individual dude... It's about when you're ready and when you find yourself in a situation where you actually get to make that choice. ... (read in full...)
How can you know if love will last?
Q. Can u tell me what love means to u I'm so confused I don't really know. I know I don't love the guy that I'm with now and I'm a bit dissapointed cuz I thought I loved him I always wanted to be with him I felt something everytime we kissed it just ...
A. 3 August 2010: Well I may be falling into the "no longer cool" generation now, and feel free to say so, but so, soooo many high school romances don't last. Why? Well you're still growing up, you're still trying to figure out who you are... and so is your ... (read in full...)
How do you cope with being alone?
Q. How do you cope with being alone? I hate it. I have never been in a relationship, never had a boyfriend, never had sex. Is there some magic formula for dealing with the lonliness and watching everyone else move forward with their lives, marriage,...
A. 3 August 2010: There is a magic formula... its called "attitude"
Attitude is everything. Are you a glass half full or a glass half empty kind of person? I've said that line so many times its not funny, but it really is the best phrase ever and it can help you ... (read in full...)
Was he just using me for sex while travelling?
Q. Ok, so about 3 weeks ago, I met a guy through a friend of a friend. He's Polish, grew up in France, and is going to music school in Amsterdam. We hit if off at the very beginning, and hung out a few times. He did many sweet things to make me ...
A. 3 August 2010: Summer flings are beautiful things... but you shouldn't look too deep into them. He wasn't using you just for sex, he probably really enjoyed your company, but that's just the nature of flings when you're traveling, you can have these care-free ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so alone when his daughter comes to visit?
Q. I'm 25 with a 3-year-old son and my boyfriend of almost a year is 30 with a 4-year-old daughter. Chemistry between the two of us was great right from the beginning; as well as chemistry between both of our children. They play like they are brother ...
A. 2 August 2010: I was getting ready to read a jealous irrational post whinging about how the daughter gets all the attention... but you seem down to earth and aren't asking for much from him. Having a son yourself you'd also know to some degree how he feels about ... (read in full...)
I keep a fall back guy because I don't know what the guy I'm dating really wants from me
Q. My guy ("Connor") never asked me to be his girlfriend so I thought it was ok for me to see other people if I wanted. So I kept seeing him and four other men (though I never slept with any of them). They all knew I was a virgin and accepted it. But ...
A. 2 August 2010: Good to hear, it took guts but it was the right thing to do for everyone concerned. You should be proud of yourself :)
Best of luck... (read in full...)
I keep a fall back guy because I don't know what the guy I'm dating really wants from me
Q. My guy ("Connor") never asked me to be his girlfriend so I thought it was ok for me to see other people if I wanted. So I kept seeing him and four other men (though I never slept with any of them). They all knew I was a virgin and accepted it. But ...
A. 1 August 2010: Stop f#&king both connor and guy 2 around. Pick one.... (read in full...)
Why won't a nice guy fall for me? I feel ugly and depressed.
Q. I am 24 and have never been in love (not one that was reciprocated anyway). I believe this could be because I am not nice to look at (bordering on downright repulsive), slightly overweight and very very shy and also sarcastic. I do have a very ...
A. 1 August 2010: If you can't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you?
Anybody can learn to love themselves, but you gotta change your attitude, start viewing the glass as half full instead of half empty... Honestly, that's the first st... (read in full...)
He told me he doesn't love me and yet its important to him for us to be friends?
Q. Hi, I think I seriously need help. Its been 3 months since we broke up and I asked for it. There's a quote from "Friends" when Monica said, "Don't do that guy thing where you go all distant and mean, just so that WE'LL break up with you." Cause...
A. 1 August 2010: You already have all the answers, you just have to accept them. Why do you think there is a double/secret meaning behind every answer/reason he gives?
"Question: Why does he wants to be friends with me, why is it so important that he said he'... (read in full...)
There's a possibility he's not the father... should I let him know that?
Q. i had sex with two different men and im pregnant... thing is i used a condom with the one guy and i didnt with the other... now the man i didnt use a condom with i have been with off and on for 5 years now and the one i did i had dated in the past ...
A. 31 July 2010: Absolutely tell him, there's so many ways that he could find out down the track if its not his and that's guaranteed to end in disaster. ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to resent her and her ways...
Q. Okay, i have a girlfriend that i love to death, but sometimes i have some problems that i dont really know the names for. To start off, shes has a troubled past of family problems, drug problems, and boyfriend problems. I, myself, have self-esteem ...
A. 31 July 2010: Ever tried doing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle? When you pick up two pieces and find out they don't fit together, do you
a) try to smash the two pieces together regardless of whether they are compatible or not
or
b) once you find out they d... (read in full...)
Should I hook up with my cousin?
Q. Hi, I have a cousin problem and it involves me a 17 year old having sex and messing around with my 14 year old cousin. We have spend a lot of time together and have fun together, when we start fighting for fun he accidentaly touches my boobs and ...
A. 31 July 2010: I don't think you should... being "horny and lonely" is affecting your judgement.... (read in full...)
I lost everything because I was to blame for the break up, now I cant seem to get over him...
Q. Hi, It would be great if I could get some great advice from this site. Several years back i met a really great guy, we were together all most 5 years. then he decied to get up and move to califorina he need to get away from us. well when we meet he ...
A. 29 July 2010: You need to stop living in the past. I know it hurts, but you need to hear this...
Its over with him, you guys will never be getting back together... ever.
You need to accept this 100% and stop torturing yourself with false hope before you ... (read in full...)
Any tips on diet and exercise?
Q. Ok, i am 18 years old, male, about 5'10". I am trying to plan a workout/weightloss/muscle gain or what ever you would like to call it so that i can try and gain muscle and lose fat. Would a detox THEN workout work best or just workout? Al...
A. 29 July 2010: I'd recommend hiring a personal trainer for a few weeks, they're expensive, but you can pick their brain, get into a routine and then go it alone in the gym. Weight loss and muscle gain are two different things, you really should figure out which ... (read in full...)
Show him I'm not playing him? (hes not replying)
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title: hey,so i like this guy and he said he liked me to. we went on a date,but in the end up invited a few others round to to his to have a drink/play the wii etc. after we watched a dvd the guy i liked asked me if i wanted t...
A. 29 July 2010: "no your not playin him. he`s playin you!!!"
Looks that way to me too.... (read in full...)
What do I do with my flirtatious boyfriend?
Q. OP's own title: My boyfriend is a flirt. I'm okay with that cause I can be too, but he's started flirting alot with this one girl in particular. I don't know if they text each other. He has mentioned her to me a few times. The other day I met up with...
A. 29 July 2010: Why can't you ask him? If you can't communicate with him and you trust him so little that you want to go through his phone... why are you even with him?... (read in full...)
For the guys... what differentiates between a one-night-stand girl and a keeper?
Q. This ones for the guys... what makes a girl decent for a one night stand? what makes a woman ideal for a relationship? What kind of girls would you consider only good for one night? i'm talking looks and personality. And why do you think that if...
A. 29 July 2010: "truly confident women dont have to show off their bodies to know they look good. They dont need that reassurance from men constantly, they know it themselves."
Good point.... (read in full...)
Can this relationship survive the "no-sex" test?
Q. I am dating a great woman for almost a year now. She is the first relationship I have had after my divorce, but she is not the "rebound chick" as they call it. I met her after my emotions had calmed. We are considering marriage. Our relationship ...
A. 28 July 2010: Seems reasonable to me... but yeh, try talking to her about it and let her know that nothing is wrong, you just want to get to know her better and wot-not. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't go down on my unless I'm shaved
Q. My boyfriend and I were talking about "what ifs". and it came up, "what if i was nine months pregnant and couldnt shave "down there"?" his response, "i wouldnt go down on you". my thought was arent you suppose to love someone even in there natural ...
A. 28 July 2010: You can love someone and have them love you for who you are... doesn't mean there won't be little things they do or don't do that you won't like... and vice-versa. This will happen regardless of who you're with, soul-mate, prince charming, it ... (read in full...)
Should I start living my sexual fantasies?
Q. I'm 20 and as a student i work at the bar with mostly older male population. The thing is that my wildest sexual fantasy is to have sex with someone 50-60 years old. And in this bar i've met the right person, who is obviously very attracted to me. S...
A. 28 July 2010: ... Lucky guy ;)... (read in full...)
I'm very insecure about my body, What can I do?
Q. I have really small breasts and I feel insecure. I admit a bit of it is my own fault for letting it get to me, but a lot of people (especially insensitive guys) have commented negatively about this fact - also with the media and porn that men like, ...
A. 28 July 2010: Boobs are boobs, we want to see them all...
My ex had this same insecurity and I tried everything to help her, but really you have to change your own attitude and learn to love yourself... really, what other option is there? Get a boob job? St... (read in full...)
Is it right for me to tell everyone?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm extremely confused right now about where I stand! I joined Facebook two years ago, and I know almost 900 people; in other words I've seen them, talked to them or I'm their friend. But, this one girl recently joined. I know her from ...
A. 28 July 2010: Nobody likes a tattle-tail... just have a chuckle at how pathetic they are and go about your life :)... (read in full...)
Why does it seem that when a relationship is nearing the end men tend to say things that make it seem like they would die if you broke up with them?
Q. There has been some tension in my relationship with my boyfriend a, we have been disagreeing a lot lately about various things, so much so that I have considered ending the relationship. I care about him deeply, but I don’t think things will work ...
A. 27 July 2010: Desperate times call for desperate measures... :(... (read in full...)
For the guys... what differentiates between a one-night-stand girl and a keeper?
Q. This ones for the guys... what makes a girl decent for a one night stand? what makes a woman ideal for a relationship? What kind of girls would you consider only good for one night? i'm talking looks and personality. And why do you think that if...
A. 27 July 2010: Brownwolf absolutely hit the nail on the head.
"A keeper will not have a one night stand. A one night stand is just that, one night.
There is a song that sums up the kind of sexy most guys are looking for..." A lady in the streets, but a f... (read in full...)
Up until a few months ago, he never mentioned money! I don't know how to react to the change!
Q. (first of all I'm 19 not 26) My bf of 2 years never ever mentioned money or cost in front of me. Always he tells me "do you want something" and he buys me stuff and all and I always tell him to stop because he is spending to much money and he would ...
A. 27 July 2010: Maybe he's feeling unappreciated or a distance growing between you and is trying to make you notice all that he does for you? Stupid question... but why don't you just talk to him and tell him not to talk about money with you?
He had no probl... (read in full...)
Do I wait for this guy? Is it worth it?
Q. Hey guys! Right, here's the deal, met these group of friends a while a go, and one of them i had a bit of a thing with, but well it wasnt really anything, i wasnt attracted to him, it was just one of them things you go with, well that's passed n...
A. 27 July 2010: Oh you'll wait. He's doing the right thing for both himself and you by leaving some time between relationships. Start seeing this time as a blessing instead of a curse. ... (read in full...)
Do I need to worry about my boyfriends girl-mate?
Q. Hi, I've been with my bf 5 months now and I know that isnt too long but I really feel strongly about him and things have been pretty perfect until very recently. He was staying over with me the other night when his friend called him up at 450am so...
A. 27 July 2010: Depends how long they've been friends and whether they've ever hooked up. Cos if they are just friends and have been for years with no intention on getting together then you getting between them is only going to push him away from you.
Best of luck... (read in full...)
Everyone is rude to me!
Q. I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day! For exampl...
A. 26 July 2010: Oh dear... you deserve a lengthy response...
Firstly, mothers are never as good at giving their honest personal opinion as a completely anonymous 3rd party opinion. If a kid asks her mom if he/she is ugly, she's never going to say anything... (read in full...)
Everyone is rude to me!
Q. I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day! For exampl...
A. 25 July 2010: I don't know why you think this could be about your looks... but if I shoot from the hip I'd have to say that you complain... ALOT... and secondly, I don't entirely believe that you might not be coming across as rude to other people in the first ... (read in full...)
Do I need my friend's permission to ask him out?
Q. there is this guy i like and we are alot alike. but my frient likes him 2. i wanna ask him out but i have 1 question...should i ask my friend if its ok with her since she liked him first? please help me!?...
A. 22 July 2010: Yep, you should ask her first... (read in full...)
He keeps making me wait for his calls! Should I stay or leave?
Q. I was waiting for my boyfriend to call one time and he didnt. Before that day, we agreed that he would call me at a certain time which he didnt do. I had to wait for a couple of hours and I ended up calling him. I had to make sure that I double ...
A. 18 July 2010: So you're upset because sometimes he sometimes doesn't call? Sheesh... Cut the guy some slack... If he doesn't call, seriously, what do you lose by simply calling him??
... (read in full...)
I feel like I am spending my life trying to make her happy when I am unhappy myself!
Q. Ok so I've been staying with my girlfriend for about 4 months just us two, but at times I feel unwanted , and wanna pack my stuff and just go else were but I never do, I try my hardest to make her happy, but it seems like I'm not doing enough, I ...
A. 14 July 2010: Well you could talk to her and try to fix things...
but after only 4 months if you're already feeling this glum and I were in your shoes, I'd run fast and far, your happiness should always come first dude.
Best of luck :) ... (read in full...)
I'm too nervous to talk to girls at school!
Q. How do I impress girls at school. I can't seem to talk to them I get extremely nervous....
A. 13 July 2010: Nervousness will fade, but the most important thing is to practice... the more you put yourself in situations where you have to talk to girls, the better you'll get. Don't stay home and watch TV, go out with friends, maybe strike up a friendship ... (read in full...)
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