A
male
age
26-29,
*ylan McK
writes:I'm 16 and I am failing at school and love. I want to be a muscian, im not too bothered about financial success, and the fact is that I'd rather ride my moped down to the beach and jam with my friends than go to school. But everyone thinks that i don't have a future, and also this is partially why i lost my GF. I have a reputation with drugs too, its not all true though. How do i get a gf, should i even bother trying?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): A few of the things you've said strike me as entirely normal for a 16-year-old guy, especially an intelligent one with a rebellious streak.
No real interest in school, it bores you senseless. Want to be a rock star (you and most others). Haven't really connected with women yet. Zero interest in accumulating money, prob because you've had a comfortable middle-class upbringing and haven't ever been hit in the face with the challenges of the 'real world'. All of this = totally commonplace in guys your age.
And some of what you've said is more troubling. Everyone thinks you don't have a future - why is that? you can be sure they're basing this hunch on SOMETHING they've seen about your overall character. Reputation with drugs - worrying, what do you take and how often?
There have always been young males in this position (maybe now more so than ever) who lose their way and their ability to identify with (or care about) the aspirational world of get-good-grades get-a-well-paid-job become-a-doctor-or-lawyer, and find more fulfilment in smoking weed with their mates at the beach.
And it IS most usually males - at least where I live, the educational exam system is systematically weighted against males. Or at least I'm concluding that it has to be, since girls routinely achieve much better exam results, year after year, across the board - the syllabus rewards rote learning, the un-critical memorising and regurgitating of reams and reams of facts learned off by heart. It rewards conformity, studying at the expense of living a full life outside your studies.
I'm generalising here but: girls seem to be inherently better at 'playing the game', churning out the stuff that teachers and examiners want. To the extent that boys seem to be more critical, rebellious, disaffected in their approach to the exam syllabus, it's no mystery that so many of them make such a hopeless mess of their exams.
I also don't doubt that if you look at the teenage lives of most rock stars, probably most of them were once in the same position as you are now. I remember your name and I can remember you posting on DC before on different matters, and you sound like a very bright spark. Of course it IS entirely possible that you can mess up your exams, drift for a year or two with no job and STILL go on to make a real mark doing something creative with your life, if you know what you want to do and how to go about it and be ambitious.
But Fordyboy and Tisha's warnings are also accurate and worth heeding, though I hope Tisha's crystal ball is giving an inaccurate reading on this occasion. You may (especially if you overdo the drugs: even weed will seriously damage your energy and motivation over time) develop such an unhealthy cynicism that it pervades your life and stops you doing ANYTHING with it. Staying in bed past mid-day. Never having any money and wondering why no-one has handed you a career on a plate. Resenting society instead of doing something to improve your status. Worst-case scenario: frying your brain's natural cleverness away on drink and drugs, doing yourself serious damage, ending up an embittered layabout wondering why life's passing you by. The smarter you are, the more unhappy you'll be if life doesn't provide the fulfilment you want from it. But it's up to YOU.
I'll sign off here with a passage from Salinger's 'Catcher in the Rye' that echoed through my head as I pondered your post. I can't find the book so I'm going on memory: "Educated or scholarly men, if they're brilliant and creative to begin with, tend to leave infinitely more valuable records behind them than men who are MERELY brilliant and creative. They tend to express themselves more clearly, and they usually have a passion for following through their thoughts through to the end. And most importantly, nine times out of ten, they have more humility than the ordinary man."
16...you've a year or two left in school I assume...there must be some subjects you've a natural flair for? English? History? Be smart and play the game, focus on your exams without neglecting your friends and social life, figure out what you could usefully do to earn some money that also stimulates you mentally, and go out and get it. Keep up the music, STUDY the bands or artists you love and actually apply a scholarly approach to the craft of making great music. (Did your parents name you after THE Dylan? Read his autobiography, Chronicles - it's inspiring). I hope we'll all see you on the cover of Rolling Stone in five or ten years' time and smile as we remember you posting this question.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Pete Townsend had people willing to buy his music. There are thousands of people who want to be rock stars. Only a very few make it.
He also had parents who were professional musicians and had some background in that industry. He suffers from hearing loss and had to stop performing for a while because of this problem. He battled with cocaine and heroin addictions. He donates large sum of money to several charities.
Does your music make you any money? Do you have a management company getting you good bookings and a contract that is fair to you?
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A
male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (29 September 2010):
 OK, so get the qualifications you need to study music. You are obviously passionate about it, What about thingas that go hand in hand with music such as performing arts and drama or media. Use the things you are good at to make a career for yourself, and beliee me if you get there as a great musician love wont be a problem cos the girls will be knocking at your door big time!!
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A
male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (29 September 2010):
hey jmtmj, i was goofing up exactly like this guy is, it was 15 years ago i should have been learning my lesson. Kinda proves my point really.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 September 2010):
Fordyboy just gave you the best advice you'll ever hear. Listen to him.
I can look around my town and see what happens to guys like you. They grow up and mow our lawns, or lay down the asphalt on the road. They get stuck with very few job options. They get the jobs no one wants, because they have no qualifications. No one wants to hire a guy who can't finish school.
Life gets harder after school. Not easier. Do yourself a huge favor and FOCUS. Get yourself some credentials and a base you can rely on. Then, when you have some cash in the bank and can actually buy the petrol for your moped that your parents are providing now, you might be able to enjoy life.
Otherwise, I'm very sad to report, my crystal ball tells me that life will be very disappointing for you.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Good advice fordyboy... where the hell were you 15 years ago when I needed a boot up the rear?!
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A
male
reader, Dylan McK +, writes (28 September 2010):
Dylan McK is verified as being by the original poster of the question But i only get that feeling of belonging when im on a stage with a guitar. If it feels like its that right, i don,t think i need any qualifications. Pete Townshend didn't have any either, hes done ok for himself though.
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A
male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (28 September 2010):
Hello fella. You aint going to like what i am about to tell you, but it is good advice so listen up and listen hard. once you've heard me out then make your mind up. I am not going to tell you what to do, but will be honest. As a 16 year old your a man of the world npow not a kid, so it's gonna be straight talking. Here goes:-
Pull your socks up, knuckle down at school and get the life, career and happiness you deserve. I like you could not give a shit when i was at school but now 15 years later i'm paying the price. There is so much i wanna do, but not qualified, not got the life experience, not got the grades etc. If i could go back to school tomorrow i would. School don't mean giving up your life. It actually gives you a life. i know it doesnt seem like it now but it does. As for love your 16, it'll come. Incidently i think girls will find you more attractive and interesting if your slightly educaated and have an interest in getting good grades and a good secure job. that way you have something to offer them instead of being a bum with nothing to offer.
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