A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. Have you ever felt bored to tears with everything in your life? Interacting with the kids, my professional life, dinner parties with friends, playing poker with the boys, going on a trip to see a big NFL game - and worse of all, having sex with my own wife, whom I love very much. Gradually, over the last several months, I find that I have no I interest in any of them. I take no pleasure playing with my kids! A night of playing poker and drinking with the boys...nah. The dinner parties and chatting with neighbors has become like pulling teeth for me - i just have no interest in anything anyone has to say (i know that i cant be very captivating/funny in my present state either). Every conversation or activity feels like i am just trying to make the time pass. Even traveling to see a Monday Night Football game with some friends gives me no excited anticipation. At this moment, and I never would tell her, I have zero interest in sleeping with my wife. I do it so we won't have bigger problems, but I'm not really I to it at all. Now, she is a pretty woman, and could easily replace me five times over with eager men, but what kind of motivation is that to need? I feel horrible for just having written this paragraph, but it is true.I try to remind myself that I am a lucky man, things can be much worse, and they have been at times over the years - but convincing yourself that you should be happy, is a lot different than taking joy in what should be really fun things.Have any of you felt like this? What did you do to lift yourself up out of it? I think some might just attribute it to my age (midlife crisis), but I have no interest in sleeping with a 20 year old or buyi g a sports car to get over it.Any thoughtful help would be greatly appreciated... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Yeh, I get ya. It sucks because when you can't find the joy in life then that will affect everything you do every single freakin' day.
Now you only get one life and honestly if you're not enjoying it and finding some joy in even the little things.. then essentially you're just running out the clock.. Existing but not enjoying... That's just a tragic waste.
I think Chi is right, maybe talking to a professional is the best thing to do. Why wait?
A
male
reader, Arcturius +, writes (21 September 2010):
There are two possibilities here. The first one is low testosterone syndrome, where a drop in your natural testosterone yields the exact results you've described, get you blood checked by an M.D. or psychologically, you're dissatisfied with the results of your life. An at home way to determine if it's option two is to sit by yourself and ask yourself "What do I want from life, and what do I wish I had" if the answer you get internally is something realistic like "I wish I had gone further in my career" rather than unrealistic like "I want 10 million dollars" it's probably number two. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Hi
Ever heard of Divine Discontent?
Spunky Monkey.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 I understand you. I know what it is like to have zero interest in what is going on in your life or other people. And you are bothered by it, you don't want to feel this way. You are wondering how to "fix" yourself. My very best advice to you is to talk to a professional, be that a therapist of psychologist.
Talking helps. Don't be afraid to talk to a professional about this, they can help you understand and know what to do. In the meantime I think it is best that you keep up appearances for your kids. But talk to your wife. Don't tell her you have no interest in sex with her, but tell her (for example) that you are feeling drained and have problems feeling engaged in anything. And that because of this you wish to go see a therapist to talk about what is going on, and see if you find any answers.
I have felt like you, although I am lead to believe you haven't always felt like this, and that this is something of a phase you are going through. Many people go through phases like these, a sort of withdrawal from the world. What I did, and that helped me tremendously, was to go see a psychiatrist about it. That is why I recommend you do the same. You don't have to classify yourself as crazy to do that. You are facing a problem in your life, and you feel unable to approach it and handle it. And that is precisely what a professional can help you with.
PS. you can also change the person you decide to talk to. The first man I talked to about my troubles didn't understand me at all and made me feel uncomfortable, so I changed to a woman instead, and the minute we met the pieces fell into place. So do not be afraid to ask for someone else if you feel uncomfortable with the first person you talk to.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Yes I have felt like this. It sounds like you are suffering with some form of depression. Depression is a very common mental illness, that sucks the joy out of your life. It can happen at anytime to anyone. It can be very difficult to get out of that state of mind, as life has lost its meaning, why bother to do anything? But you have to remember the good times in the past that came out of bad times and remember this too will pass. You just have to keep going and take some time out for yourself to reflect on whats important in your life. You do sound greatly blessed with many good things in your life and you deserve to enjoy them.
I think there need to be times in life when you feel low, so that you can appreciate the highs. There have to be valleys so that there can be mountains. Just persevere and try to find joy in the little things in life. Try to enjoy life for what it is, not for what you think you should enjoy. Talk to your wife about how you feel, I'm sure she would want to help you. Maybe do something different and new together. Go on holiday! A change of scenery can really change your perspective on things.
Good luck, and remember you will feel joy again.
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