A
male
age
30-35,
*cegikmo
writes:So I've had a real issue with ejaculating during any sort of sexual activity with a partner throughout my whole life. I can ejaculate eventually, but it just seems to take a long time (1hr+). For the longest time I was pretty happy about it, I can go as long as she wants, I felt happy about knowing she was fully satisfied.It's become a problem now as I'm getting older (24) and as well as I can give her pleasure, relationships break down because she feels she can't reciprocate. For instance I have never ejaculated from anything other than intercourse, in my teens I just assumed it was because of their lack of experience but now I'm seeing it's something on my end.I've read around and it seems psychologically it could be connected to sexual trauma and I've only had one case of this so it must be connected (that's my thinking anyway).When I was about 8 or 9 my mum used to take me to a girl from my school's house and her mum would mind us. She was the same age as me yet understood a lot about sex (a shocking amount really now that I think about it) and she'd coerce me into playing these sex games with her. [modnote: details edited]. The whole experience was confusing and arousing, although I had no idea what the arousing part meant at the time or even what we were doing really.Obviously I understand now and realise this isn't a normal thing, but I don't know why it might have caused me to have this trouble with ejaculating. Any ideas?
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male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (29 March 2014):
Hey,I'm 30 and I am the same. I have never cum via any route other than masturbation. I accepted it as just how I am and I have been with a guys (i'm gay btw) who cum too quickly so it doesn't really bother me. I guess if I was trying to father children it might. Anyway look up Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome that should give you some guidance. I have heard from one person that suffers from this that he just stopped masturbating and kept having sex until he finally released. The problem is the more you get stressed about this during sex the more it will kill the moment for you. Have a look into TMS first and then see if you can work though it, if not a sex therapist might be the next step. Either way I hope it works out for you and lasting a long time is not a bad thing, seriously!
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (27 March 2014):
 I suggest you go see a doctor as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Actually playing those games as kids is pretty normal. I played those games plenty of times, it was harmless and innocent fooling around to imitate adults and nothing strange or weird.
Abuse is not the only places kids learn about sex, you may have noticed it's everywhere in life. I did lots of touching, had girlfriends was doing "sexual" stuff at that age but had no idea what it actually was. There's nothing harmful about that and I don't know where you see that as sexual trauma.
You're labelling that experience completely wrongly.
I had an ex who was sexually abused as a child by a number of adult men, she never felt bad, dirty or guilty, she thought it was normal, they didn't hurt her and she said if she'd never been told it was wrong and why, then she'd have gone through life having never had any impact on her because she wasn't forced to do anything. It was actually being told those were evil men who abused her that had the impact on her, not the experiences themselves.
I think you're doing something similar here except you don't have any reason to view it as abuse and having a girl your age fiddle with your willy at 9 year of age is not a trauma.
Actually not being able to ejaculate easily is pretty normal, because we all have different levels of sensitivity. I know guys who are similar, when I'm drunk it's almost impossible, if I've been single for a while and masturbating a lot it can be hard to ejaculate too because no vagina is a tight as the grip of my hand.
It happens a lot with circumcised men because they have less sensitivity or even nerve damage from procedure.
Also it can be a mental thing, but not due to trauma, it can simply be a lack of focus and/or an inability to get sufficiently aroused with the woman you're with. It can also be because he vagina isn't tight enough or her hand or oral technique is not great.
Now if you only ejaculate through intercourse then it could also be that you need to control proceedings and that any other way and you lose focus and get distracted, it could also be the mental pressure you put on yourself in the form of performance anxiety.
OP stop trying to self-diagnose and go see a doctor and see if there are any medical reasons. Then think about how you have sex and where your mind is during. test yourself with porn and masturbation to see if it's a matter of arousal being due to a fetish, or maybe you like guys etc.
It could just be how long it takes you OP. But experiment with your penis and see how long it takes during masturbation, try different sorts of stimuli, feet, pee whatever and see if you can get sufficient arousal from other things. Maybe you like pain and bondage etc.
You're able to get an erection so you don't have a deep problem here, it could literally be something as simple as giving up masturbation, or some kind of medication you're on.
But yeah, it's definitely not a sexual trauma if a 9 year old playing with you when you're 9 is your version of sexual trauma.
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