A
female
age
30-35,
*lydiese
writes:Hey fellow aunts and uncles, i started online dating about 6 months ago and i was a bit disappointed with it as it was always older men or creepy messages i got :( However this really cute guy messaged me, just the normal how are you?. We started talking but he wasnt much of a replier so i assumed he wasnt interested. He writes to me everyday asking me how i am, how my day is going, very generic questions and whenever i try to steer the conversation into finding out his interests or if we have anything in common he doesnt reply. So i just stopped messaging back. Now 2 weeks later he's asking how i am and when he will get to meet me? I guess i am just unsure whether to meet him under the idea he might have more to say face to face, or if it sounds a bit strange? I am totally new to the whole dating thing and just assumed we wouldve found out more about each other before an actual meet :/ i'm a bit of a worrier and dont know if meeting is a good idea :/ Thanks in advance :)
View related questions:
older men Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (19 September 2013):
 I don't think it's fair for him to leave it up to you like that. I don't know what it says about him. Even I know women like the man to take initiative. But I don't think there's any harm in meeting him, and you never know he might just be super nervous. But don't take any guff. If you arrange to meet and he bails on you I would suggest forget it.
A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (19 September 2013):
Elydiese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat was a bit of a mixed bag haha. Im still a bit unsure about meeting him but it might just be an anxious thing. I told him we could meet up this weekend and he told me to come up with something to do because he doesn't like to choose as its pressure on him :/ it seemed a bit of a weird response. Also to human_male I do put in the effort to contact people I think I'd get on with but have never gotten a reply. I don't just sit and wait for people to contact me, but thank you for your other advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): You should meet as soon as possible. You don't really know 100% for sure who the person is or if the photo he has shown you is really him or not. Some are just chronic on-line "daters" who don't actually go out and meet anyone. They just sit at home alone being their socially ackward self looking for something to do or to find someone who will "help" them with their sexual wants, or see how long they can string someone on to get money from them.It's not all bad. There are plenty of people who are looking for something real, not having a fantasy relationship on a computer screen. If someone is truly interested in meeting someone on-line to potentially begin a relationship with, both parties make arrangements within a few weeks in a public place to meet in person to see if there is any real chemistry. If one is dragging their feet in doing so, they are more than likely not going to ever do so. Instead they will keep you engaged and say all those "right words" that really mean nothing at all.You should get to know each other in person. And that can only happen by actually meeting. Anyone can be anyone or say anything they want on a computer. Don't use that as your way of "getting to know someone" until you actually do. It's safer that way and you also don't have to waste a lot of time if the person ends up being a perv.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Honestly... If he's not trying to find out mutual interests online ( Youre both behind a screen, he could at least attempt to connect with you mentally, and make the effort to see if either of you are in the LEAST compatible... "How are you? Everyday just doesn't cut it! You're strangers! I see the fact that he doesn't respond when you try to get to know him better is a sign he's not interested in you as a person- nothing to do with you, my instinct is that he wants some... Someone that he knows hardly anything about, just so desperate to meet face to face... What reason have you got to go- you have stuff in common lol?? My sister's just started Internet dating and there have been a couple who have really wanted to meet up- sw slept with one of them he didn't call her back... Think you should really condsider if yuk like him enough to go... If so be safe in a public place, like the others said, but remember don't give your body to him unless you end up together after a few months.Take care! :) xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): I understand what you are saying, I tried on-line dating too & I always felt better getting to know them a little bit first.
He should of at least answered you when you asked about his interests, so you could decide if he might be someone you'd want to date.
If you decide to meet him, be safe about it, I'd always make sure I told somewhere where I was going & whatever information I could about him, and meet somewhere public. If he tries to take you to his house, don't do it. He might be a nice man, but he is a total stranger & you need to be careful.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 September 2013):
 Some people don't want to chat that much online and prefer to meet face to face sooner rather than later (I think this is best; it stops you building up a caricature of them in your mind). But I agree, it's odd if he never replies to your questions. It's lazy apart from anything else.
I suppose you have nothing to lose in arranging to meet him for a coffee, and see if he's the same in real life. As SVC says, just make sure you're safe and in public and maybe have a reason ready to cut the date short if you feel uncomfortable.
As an aside, though, on line dating is largely disappointing, so it's not just you who feels that way! Not only are there lots of pervy creeps, but most people are dating multiple people, or trying to. That never sat comfortably with me. I don't think it's an ideal way to meet people, especially if you're already a worrier. Better to expand your social circle and meet new people through friends and groups.
All the best whatever you decide.
...............................
A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (17 September 2013):
If you're not prepared to meet someone what's the point? I say go for it (but be safe). He's obviously interested or he wouldn't be sending messages. Maybe he's just not one for emailing back and forth for ages. And he might be reluctant to go into more indepth discussions because he wants to have something to talk about when you meet. Really, just go for it. You should meet as many people as possible (unless you really get a red flag or are not interested at all). What have you got to lose? And in my opinion it's better to either meet quickly or not at all, because of the danger of finding out a long way down the line that the person you seem to click with so strongly online does nothing for you in person.And a bit of advice about online dating, you get out of it what you put in. Take the initiative and start emailing people. If you're not prepared to contact someone you like, don't complain about no one contacting you.I really hope it goes well for you, but if it doesn't stick with it, be pro active. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 With online dating it's actually better to meet sooner and figure out if you have chemistry in person.
so set up a coffee date (afternoon over a weekend) somewhere PUBLIC and meet him there.... do not get in a car with him or go anywhere private with him.
spend a few hours talking... if it goes well then the next meeting can be dinner (still in public and still meeting him there)
and see how it goes.
...............................
|
