A
male
age
51-59,
*uman_male
writes:This isn't really a relationship problem but my complete lack of a love life is a big part of how I feel.I suffer from depression and anxiety... depression about my lack of a love life and anxiety about my work life. I was in a pretty shitty job as a cleaner at a school for a long time and I left because I couldn't stand the isolation anymore. Three months later I've managed to get a casual job as a domestic cleaner working with a small company. My problem is I'm having a great deal of anxiety about it and having a hard time coping.It's been less than a month so I'm trying to give it time, and I'm doing ok at the job actually, but it seems so all encompassing. When I go home I immediately start worrying about the next day, and all I can think about is what I did that day and the guy I work with, who is a decent guy but I'm finding working closely with him is quite stressful. It's constantly rush rush rush, and I'm constantly tense about not damaging anything or so much as marking a wall in the million dollar houses I work in.I'm at the stage where I'm thinking about going back to my old job. It was awful but when I left at the end of an evening I could forget about it. I'm just so tired of this constant, grinding anxiety.I'm still looking for other work, and an opportunity came up for something completely different working in a store selling hardware and paint. I think I would enjoy the people contact but I have no confidence about learing the ropes and everything. I'm scheduled for a group interview this week and my anxiety about that is so high I don't think I'm going to be able to go. I'm trying to justify cancelling with excuses like the hours aren't enough and the pay won't be very good.I know from someone else's perspective it might all seem silly... like what do I have to worry about, I have a job and that's the main thing. It's all in my head. But when you have anxiety it all seems very real, and sometimes all consuming. I'm at the stage where I just want it all to go away and I'm having some extreme thoughts.I have seen a therapist, and recently completed a group CBT course but it didn't help. The only thing that helps is medication but they are reluctant to prescribe them long term because it's possible to get dependent on them.Does anyone have any advice or suggestions... please?And on a related note about my interview this week, it's a group interview with eight or nine people that are put through some team work exercises, that they use to assess how well you work in a team I guess. I've never done anything like that and not knowing is what's making it so scary. Has anyone done something like that before? Can you give me some details?Thank you very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Hi! :) I see a lot of myself in you... I've lost what 8 or nine jobs because Ive had major problems with depression/ anxiety... I.e having nervous breakdowns at work, doing things like leaving glasses on stairs! :/ don't ask ha...! I've been at my new job little over 2 months- which is a record for me. And every time i leave the house i get a sinking, horrible feeling in my stomach! i get s**t scared that today is guna be the day something pushes me over the edge... or i accidentally get glass in someone's eye or i crack my head open... it's chilling, makes me want to pack it all in go to bed for the rest of my life! Lol! I left college 4 years ago with 2 good A levels- 1 in art and design grade B! Good huh? Well I've mashed my chances Up went off the rails, I'd love to have an arty creative job, but what have I done to get myself out of my comfort zone? NOTHING- I am just too s**t scared to fail, so I won't even try ;( For the past year I've been on anti- depressants and had different therapies... I also find this site is brilliant for really putting things in perspective... And ya know I'm finally starting to branch out - applying for apprenticeships, saving up money from my PT job to do a digital graphic course... I really think that the ADs have helped me... They make get more enjoyment from things when I wasn't getting ANYthing from life, and really think they're not the solution but put you in a better mind frame to motivate yourselfCos anxiety isn't something you can control so much, as you realise I guess... It's physiological to do with brain chemistry and often due to things like genetics, early experiences. Have read and learnt a lot lol. But ya know like that expression you can take a horse to water but can't make it drink... Break the interview down and take a tiny step forward... Step one Be yourself- be nice! :) you're clearly a lovely guy and great for a people role! People warm to smiley, friendly people, which is a quality of a good team player... Everyone will be impressed with that... Isn't it strange how some people just can't crack a smile- even at a job interview?I've been to group interviews for these sort of roles and they mainly look forAgreeableness, good presentation/ hygiene and initiative- just go back to basics and use your common sense to solve problems. Don't over think it cos that'll make you feel anxious. There aren't a lot of really nice people like us about (other than DC lol) and were right to take pride in that! At the end of the day we're trying to help others and doing something that we're good at :) we care, we have a lot of emotional and psychological wisdom and not many people can be like us... All the best people are mad haha :) we're in this together, sorry for the essay by the way! Hope I helped a bitI just feel for you because you're not alone human male :) :) x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): I had a group interview once, it's not a big deal. They know it's stressfull for everybody, and ussualy people are very friendly. They'll just ask you simple question, and you answer. Just be honest, it will help them to place you when you get a job. For example. I was asked if I work better in a group,or alone. I was onest about it and said that I prefer working along, but have no problem asking for help as needed. Then they put me on multilinephone, and I had to switch lines very fast. Buti failed miserably, they hired me anyway. As far as your dating life goes, if you are not anxious about it, keep on trying, it will happen, good luck
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A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (18 September 2013):
human_male is verified as being by the original poster of the question You're right about the comfort zone thing CMMP, and it's a good point... why worry about fucking something up when I'm already unhappy. But I felt I need to clarify I don't have anxiety about women. I have no problem talking with them or asking them out. I don't have a girlfriend because they don't like me in that sort of way.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (18 September 2013):
The key here is that you appear to be scared/terrified of leaving your comfort zone. Regarding women, jobs, accidents, etc.
When you think your life sucks why are you worried about what would happen if things don't go exactly as planned when you're trying to improve it?
For example why would you be afraid of asking a woman out when it may result in a date? Yes she may reject you and that may make you feel bad, but you already feel bad and rejected, don't you?
Get a job where there are women that you could work with. You'll never meet someone cleaning houses.
Make it a goal to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Tell a woman that you love her dress or her hair, whatever baby step you need to start facing discomfort so that you can learn that it's not that big of a deal.
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