A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I would be very grateful for any advice so here it goes.Im a 22 year old guy and I have just accepted that I am gay and I'm not out to anyone. I'm also very unfortunate to have Ginger hair too. I have been a quiet and shy guy all my life and all I want is to be with someone but I dont know how to go about this. Im scared that people might be put off by my hair colour or shyness. I'm quite tall and slim and I don't consider myself ugly. I don't like the thought of dying my hair either. I am considering online dating but im really anxious about making a fool of myself. Is there any hope for me? I would be very grateful for any advice given.Thanks
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ginger, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (27 October 2013):
Sorry, I knew you were gay but the women part just slipped out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, im surprised I got so many responses and advice, thank you so much everyone. I guess I do need to work on my confidence, which I have always been trying to do but have never gotten anywhere with improving it.
Thanks again everyone :).
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (27 October 2013):
I have always wanted a Ginger boyfriend, would you like my phone number? It's confidence you need, coming out isn't easy to start off with. I'd focus on coming out first before you worry about partners. Hope it all goes well for you, send me a message if you need to chat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): I'm not ginger but I wish I was! Best hair colour to have! If it makes you that unhappy, dye it?
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (27 October 2013):
 My best friend is gay and has had some very attractive ginger boyfriends! Hair colour is something people notice but it's really not that big a deal. If it really bothers you why not cut it very short...
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 October 2013):
 what CMMP said - except in reference to men, not women, as you said you are gay.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 October 2013):
If gingers didn't get laid there wouldn't be any gingers. Anti ginger shit is just childish behavior, not a genuine dislike of red haired people.
Have confidence knowing that for some women you are the man of their dreams. Don't worry about the other ones since there's nothing you can do about them.
That's like a person of color being upset knowing that racists don't find them attractive. What's the point?
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 October 2013):
Dear OP,
Macklemore is a ginger and I am sure he's considered a hottie in the gay and straight world. So I wouldn't worry about the ginger thing. Variety makes the world a beautiful place. And you can use this to your advance, too. Because of your hair color and height, you probably won't go unnoticed when you go to a club. And if you're dressed nicely and come in there in a good mood, I'm sure guys will go "oh, who was that cute, tall ginger guy that just walked past?".
I mean, the worst thing is to look like everybody else and not be remembered or noticed at all. As soon as you have the attention, there is more chance you'll get some sympathy, too.
So I'd say, yes - go for online dating, go for clubbing, go for anything you're curious about.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Move to America. We LOVE redheads here! It's considered a beauty trait in the States, instead of a flaw, like in the UK.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 I don't see a problem with being ginger. I don't know what it's like to be a young gay man who's just come out so I can't comment on that, but I know there's nothing wrong with it.
Starting out dating doesn't come easy for most people. You just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Sure start with the dating profile. Try to meet people through activities and such. Just like anyone else I'd imagine.
Just forget about your hair colour, it's a non issue.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Being ginger is not a flaw. I know that there's some anti-ginger crap in the UK, and perhaps you were bullied a bit as a child because of your hair, but in my experience adults are not nearly so daft as to treat people with ginger hair as outcasts. Not to say everyone will find you attractive (e.g. I prefer darker haired men for some reason, though of course it's not a deal breaker), but I think the ginger hair is not the issue (my 2 ginger siblings never gave a second thought to their hair colour and they're both happily settled down).
I think shyness, anxiety and lack of confidence are the issues. I've never had to come out of the closet, but imagine that's also making you anxious?
Relax about your hair colour, it really doesn't matter. Put yourself out there (safely and carefully - as I'd advise to anyone embarking on online dating).
Sometimes it helps to feign confidence when you don't really feel it - what's more, that sort of rubs off and you do eventually feel genuinely more confident and less shy/ anxious.
Good luck, OP, you'll be fine!
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