A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How late is too late for guys to enter the dating game and start looking for a relationship.25? 30? 35?I mean, to really just START! Never been on a date before, never had sex, maybe never even kissed a girl. This could all be due to many combination of reasons: unfriendly environment, shyness, being busy with school and work, whatever. The reason I ask is nowadays it seems that 15 and 16 are the norm for males to start dating and experiencing relationships. What about us older guys, like 29 year olds for example. Is it too late to start? Do women go for the guys with more experience because they feel safer in the sense that their partner knows what they are doing? I ask because women my age are going to have lots more experience with dating, relationships, and sex, so would they expect me to also have experience?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 there's no such thing as too late. in fact, the less relationships you've experienced, it means the less heart breaks you've suffered and the less jaded and bitter you've become.
also, starting later in life gives you the right maturity level to know how a relationship is supposed to work without having to suffer through all the bad relationships and trial runs that comes with starting dating at a young age and learing everything the hard way. when you start at 16, you're still immature and bound to have your relationships fail. but with being older, you're much wiser and mature.
prime example. i started dating when i was 16. i have had countless failed relationships and breakups. why? because i was an idiot up until recently (well, still am currently, just a little less idiotic). a friend of mine started at age 23. she dated two people, had amicable breakups with them, and is now getting married on her third try.
count yourself lucky.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I don't see shyness as a weakness. You may want to go for a woman who likes to be in charge and make initiations. Having no experience can be a good thing too. You have the humbleness to learn and everything is a first time. How refreshing is that?
It's just that when you start late a lot of women you see now would be single moms. Of course you have the right to do what you want but not a lot of woman your age would want to wait around to see if a true commitment is what you want with them, or whether you still want to play the field to keep it even. They are not going to be more patient just because you lack experience.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 September 2013):
 The right day to enter the dating game is the day you have decided you want to start dating.
Perhaps then tomorrow will be your starting day?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 September 2013):
Of course it's not too late. Get out there, stop making excuses and take control of your life! I can't tell you how much nice it can be to experience love; it certainly beats being lonely.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 I'm personally hoping it's never too late. I'm 43 and I haven't dated much and I've never had a proper girlfriend.
But I'm hopeful. I'm working on what I think is holding me back like confidence, social anxiety and lack of opportunity. So start working on yourself in whatever areas you think are holding you back, and in the meantime maximise your opporunity to meet people and socialise. Get as much practice as you can talking to people and learning to be confortable in your own skin. It will take a lot of practice both in terms of social skill and in terms of building conifdence. But you might enjoy the process!
So get started.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): Dating starts in it's experimental and trial stages as early as 12-13 years of age.
People are just becoming aware of sexual identity and coming into puberty. The mental development at these ages don't truly comprehend what it means to establish a real relationship. Nature makes sure that we establish mating in certain stages of development. That your mental development is congruent to your physical development.
I think you sited some good examples of why people may wait until latter years in life to seek a mate.
However; we're now in the 21st century and the main reason most guys are delayed in entering the dating game and seeking a relationship is "arrested development;" due to an inability to interact with others. A lack of communicative skills due to a heavy reliance on electronic devices and poor parenting.
In poor parenting I mean, isolated or remote fathers who don't take interest in sons who don't play sports, exhibit stereotypical macho behavior, are shy, or slight in stature. They consider them sissies.
If he is brilliant or has special talents, he isn't appreciated for it; until he gains special merit. Then those dad's want to share credit for his contribution to the gene-pool.
Insensitive or indifferent paternal involvement. These boys are just ignored by their dads for no reason other than shame.
Sperm-donors who should never be referred to in the coveted and highly regarded title and position of "Father."
They damage these young males and don't care. Mothers must compensate; but often being single parents, they spend most of their time struggling financially; and working hard to feed, cloth, and protect their sons without any participation from his dad. A real father offers more than his sperm, money, and last-name. He gives love and guidance to his son.
Women can do everything a man can; but they can't duplicate the male mind. We are biologically different. Being effeminate does not make you biologically female.
Many young men lack male role models and mentors. Those more outgoing usually have active male participation in their developing years, and they are often pushed to socialize and participate actively with other males and females. The latchkey variety make friends with their PC's,laptops, and smart/cell phones. They rarely see the light of day, accept for video games and porn sites.
Work and education do not withhold us from human interaction. It enhances it. It's forced exposure. Too many guys are busy avoiding rejection; or set their unrealistic expectations so high, no one can meet their distorted criteria of what to expect from women or same-sex partnerships. They hold out looking for perfection, and never find it.
Come on, how can you reach the age of 25 in the modern world; and have never have dated a female or male? The world is inhabited by billions of people.
It is deliberate avoidance due to the fear of social interaction with anyone (regardless of gender), other than a select few in a closed circle. Staying among those they feel they won't be judged by. Many have treated or untreated mental disorders, and their social isolation is self-imposed. Loneliness will eventually drive them out, but they may be well into their twenties or thirties. The bulk of their lives is spent in-doors.
It's mainly unhealthy behavior, and borderline anti-social disorder. They are so socially awkward that when in the presence of someone they're attracted to, they display verbal paralysis or come off creepy.
Most of these difficulties can be overcome by simply thrusting yourself into social situations, and just mingling with people. Chatting face to face, and ignoring the fear of being judged. Just be comfortable in your own skin and relax. You are not a space alien visiting this planet. Put your damned device away, and use your brain.
Age may pose some restrictions on our physical activities; but places no restrictions on being polite, interesting, funny, sensual, and engaging with either sex. I always speak inclusively; because I don't presume all people are heterosexual.
Dating is simply courtship. Seeking another person's attention in an attempt to form a relationship, or partnership, with someone we find physically attractive and wish to share our time with.
It isn't rocket science. It's like any game. The more you play, the more efficient you become. No one has all the answers. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa.
If you devote as much time and commitment to dating as to your favorite video game or hobby, it becomes second-nature. With practice; rejection is accepted as just a person's right to refuse your advances, not a personal attack. Sometimes it is, then you know that was the wrong person to approach.
Setting reasonable and realistic criteria for the type of people we are attracted to helps. Your personal appearance isn't always the reason people aren't attracted, it may just be your personality type.
They may be superficial and you aren't the physical model of human being to fit the mold they have set in their mind. They'll remain alone and caught up in a fantasy world, and usually comedown to earth when loneliness forces them to see reality. That doesn't mean you're lowering your standards, you're balancing the scale.
So beauty queens paired with regular Joe isn't always about money, it's because she values him for who he is, and she knows his good soul. He had the nerve to risk the rejection and it paid-off. Hopefully she has the right personality to fit the packaging. They put all crap aside to find each other.
Dating is not a true science; although is includes chemistry.
It is what we want to make of it. If you're 50, and you "exclusively" date women/men in their 20's, you set criteria according to hidden psychological issues and discomfort you have with age.
Your priority is only on physical attraction found in youth, and you haven't come to terms with your own aging mind and body. In most cases; in order to date, you have to compensate for the lack of youth. A huge home, a fine car, and a hefty bank account compensates; if you don't have the looks of a well-preserved movie actor. If your culture allows for fixed marriages, you've got it in the bag.
If you are in your 20's and attracted to mature or older people, it isn't only physical appearance you're attracted to. It's the wisdom and sophistication associated with age, that you may not find in your own age-group. People like this seem weird to their age-group; but they set a great example. Age is not disease.
However; it's healthier to date and gain the experience being with any appropriate, legal, and consensual age category. Being open-minded broadens your success and opportunities in meeting the right person for you.
You will find dating doesn't care how old you are when you decide to enroll. Just remember you have to bring something good to the table; and someone is out there just for you, willing and eager to feast.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 September 2013):
 The "start date" for dating can really be a vague and hard-to-pin-down detail.......
Here in Florida, where so many of us dinosaurs live.... many (of us) lose a mate (to death) so have to "start" over well in to our late/last years. Can you believe it???? 60-70-80 years of age? ... and "starting" out to look for a "new" partner?????
The "answer" to your question is that there IS NO START DATE!!!!... there is ONLY the question of WHEN do YOU decide that you'd like to investigate finding a mate/partner.... so you start the search....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 I know someone who is 24 and in a relationship with a 35 year old guy. He had only had one girlfriend before she met him and she had 6 previous boyfriends.
They are both relatively shy people who keep to themselves but they have been together almost 2 years now and are really happy. He's a really decent guy and she didn't really care that he hadn't had much experience...he is making up for it now :-)
You cannot apply Math or equations or odds or constraints to love...you just have to be yourself and hope someone else likes you for you, so try to relax a little and not over think things. Not all people are the same and you need to be a bit more open minded.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 September 2013):
 It is too late when you have so many weird habits of singleness. It is to late when you can not share your living space with another person. I know this state exists because I have seen it, even though I have been told it doesn't.
O K to some practical advice for the older guy starting out in dating. Keep your expectations realistic. The girls your age will have experiences. Don't be jealous of their history. Some may have children, understand that the children have to have some priority and they will need time. Your lack of baggage is more of an advantage, than you lack of experience is a disadvantage. Sexually experienced people will expect sex sooner. You will not be ready. Just as you did not start dating until you were ready, do not give in to the pressure to get sexual before you are ready.
Communicate. Don't try to pass yourself off as experienced when you are not. Accept that some people will not want an inexperienced partner. Some people do not want experienced partners. Don't ask about the past. Never ask how many guys before me. The answer will bring you neither happiness nor valuable information. Don't look for younger partners to match your experience level. Instead look for someone who is level with you in intellect (education) , hobbies, or interests. No one under 18 no matter what.!
Now that you feel you are ready don't wait.
FA
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 September 2013):
 It's never too late to fall in love.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 Women are no different from men in this regard. Some have lots of experience, some dont. Some will want an experienced man, but most wont care if hes "fresh". Its too late to start dating if you're dead. Anytime before then is fine. Dont create a problem where there is none.
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