A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, so not really sure what the question is, but I feel just awful.After trying online dating my confidence has hit rock bottom. I joined in the beginning of December 2013 and straight away hit it off with a bloke (somewhat older then myself). I met up with him a week after first contact (quick I know, but I can’t see the point in investing too much time and the when you meet up it’s just awful).Anywho to cut a long story short we saw each for about a month before he asked to make it official. I deleted my account, why would I need to have a dating profile when I’m seeing someone? I asked him to do the same and he said he would. I met up with him the next weekend only to find out he was still using his account, once again I asked if he would delete it, he agreed. Now I don’t see this unreasonable, but I found out he’d been on there the same night I’d seen him so the following day I text him and we had a big fight. To make things even worse he turned around and called me selfish and that it was all about what I wanted! Long story short haven’t heard from him since. Only once when he said he was going to call and then never bothered! The things is I am so hung up on this guy. I just don’t understand why! I mean he was the complete opposite to what I normally go for, not even my type in the slightest. He had an awful attitude. He’d never walk with me or hold my hand. He complained one morning when I woke up early and disturbed him. Now I don’t think I’m a bad looking girl (and I’m eighteen years younger than him, what else could he want!?) I feel just dreadful and I feel at an all time low. My confidence has really taken a hit. I’ve been on five dates since, but I’ve felt nothing. Is there anything I can do to pick myself up? Or at least try to forget him?Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): I back WiseOwlE. completely. the guy you were seeing sounds like a piece of shit! you can do waaaayyy better than him, and don't you forget it. good luck x!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): You may feel bad because you had your hopes up. Things went sour, and all your dreams came crashing down.
I understand how you feel. You thought you met someone, and your search for a mate was over.
You haven't personally done anything wrong. You only trapped a rat! You were clever enough not to be so naive as to completely let your guard down.
He tried to turn it around on you; because he was embarrassed that you caught him so easily.
He sounds pretty dumb! So you ducked a bullet to the heart, very early into the relationship. That could have happened long down the road; once you really got attached, and very comfortable within the relationship.
If things had to end badly. Better off it happened sooner, than later.
Your feelings are hurt now. You feel foolish, and surely you are disappointed. Who wouldn't be. He is too. He thought he had a sap for a girlfriend. All his plans are soaked too! You foiled his stinky little plot!
Don't sink all your feelings in so deep into a new relationship.
Let them grow gradually. Leave yourself room to back-out; if you see red-flags, or if something like this could happen. Especially if you've met online. In all cases,be careful of where you throw your feelings.
A new relationship is like an infant. It needs nurturing, you keep an eye on it, look for signs of distress,and give it time to grow. Try not to spoil him, by going overboard with too much affection. Apply just the right amount of attention, and tender loving care.
You can't fall too deeply, until you know that you are both in sync with your affections. He is feeling the same thing for you, with the same amount of intensity. If he seems to moving slow, then you slow down. If you leave him in the dust; you've gone way too far, and much too fast.
Women more often than men, let their feelings fall far too deep in the introductory phase of a courtship. Even before a commitment is made. You have to hold back a little, to be sure you aren't infatuated. While the object of your affections is still trying to figure out how they really feel. Don't be so quick to say yes to being someone's girlfriend. You'll get played. That means you'll jump into bed faster.
Even when men commit, they leave themselves plenty of wiggle-room. We will quickly take flight; if we feel we have a messy situation on our hands.
You didn't have a long and well-established relationship; so the bad feelings will fade over time. It wont take as long to get over him. Your ego is shot. That's all.
Don't give up on love or yourself. This is something pretty typical of online dating. There is always risk.
You are going to hit a few bumps along the road, and hopefully you will learn a few things along the way.
Put what you learn into use; so you can ease-up on falling for a guy, head-over-heals. Long before he even proves his commitment to you is genuine.
Give more as you learn to know and trust him. Allow him to earn your trust. That doesn't mean treat every man like he's going to jerk you around. Just be more reserved with showering him with your feelings.
Be careful dating online. People have access to dozens of people at a time; and they are feeling out their best options. You could get hurt in the process. They are also dodging perilous situations. He thought he'd have sex on demand with you, and could keep the back-door open for a few side-deals.
Many, if not most, are just looking for hookups anyway.
Vulnerable/desperate women who are too eager to find boyfriends, are easy targets. Insecure types of people are too needy and weak to be handling online- dating. It can be pretty tricky, and you can be used very easily. More often than by traditional dating; because people tend to believe every word in a well-written profile.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Why the hell should you feel bad? You didn't do anything wrong. You met a guy who turned out to be a complete jerk but you can't help still liking him. I don't think you're the first young women to be in that situation. I'm sure you will get over it given time, and you will meet someone you like just as much.It's really unfortunate that you met a guy who turned out to be a player. Try to learn from the experience and next time be a bit more wary. If it looks like he's not being sincere and honest, like when he wouldn't take his profile down, leave. Also, be aware of the good looking, charming ones who always know what to say.So hang in there. There's nothing you can do to ease the pain except get through it, and you will. You had a bad experience but remember you did absolutely nothing wrong and it doesn't say anything about you as a woman or a person so there's no need for your confidence to suffer.Take care.
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