A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-fwb got distant after I confessed that I had strong feelings for him. He said he didn’t and does not want anything serious. I said that’s fine. I accepted it and didn’t push him to start anything with me. I started moving on with my life and being busy and we’ve kind of drifted apart. I see him in class around 3 or 4 times a week. The last time I saw him he seemed uncomfortable to make eye contact but about an hour after class he texted me, sending me the eyes emoji on WhatsApp. And he kept sneaking peaks at me. When my friend told him I joined a dance class, he texted me that day saying he wants to dance. He didn’t say he wants to dance with me but just dance. However it’s been two days since then and he hasn’t bothered to reply or text me back at all. The previous time he saw me he put his hand on my head for a few seconds and smiled looking straight into my eyes. I didn’t get butterflies like I used to whenever he looked into my eyes like that. I’m not sure why he’s being like this. We used to text all the time before but now it’s very rare. But I feel like he’s interested or curious to know about me too… why would he keep trying to be friends if we don’t even spend time together? Is it possible that he may like me but is confused about his feelings right now? I also suspect that he has someone else… but we could just cut all contact and it wouldn’t make much of a difference… why the texting every once in a blue moon? It puzzles me.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2022): Simple. He wants to dance...horizontally!!!
He keeps trying to be friends, because you confessed your feelings for him; so he knows you're pliable, and he thinks he can still get sex from you.
You probably still want to be with him, or you'd simply make the guy leave you alone; or you should file a harassment-complaint.
He told you he doesn't want a relationship, but he wants to know if you'll still lift the lid on the honey pot? You keep running in slow-motion; so he can catch up with you, and acting as if you can't tell a guy to leave you alone. Or else you'll file a harassment complaint!!!
He'll stop pursuing your vagina when you totally ignore him; and warn him if he keeps making inappropriate sexual-inuendo you will file a police complaint. All he wants from you is below the waist, and the rest of you doesn't matter. He doesn't want to be friends, he wants access.
If he's stalking you, time to report it. Persistence in this case doesn't mean but one thing. He's telling you in a roundabout-way "you know you want me!" He means that in a very ominous and disrespectful way. This is not a time to be wishy-washy, and when men approach you in this way; they don't have a molecule of respect for you. You still like him, and you are giving him latitude; because you are afraid he'll stop the chase. If you want him to leave you alone, show him you mean business.
You more or less told him you are willing to allow him to use you; because you want to be with him. You are inviting emotional and psychological abuse. He's haunting you to prey on the feelings you have for him. That's one of the tactics of a narcissist.
Unless he is a relentless stalker, which gives you justification to file a complaint; you have to be serious when you tell him to leave you alone. Stop taking his calls and messages, and responding to his contact. Stop happening to be available whenever he attempts to reach you. Stop being where you know he'll be. Even if you have to take classes and lessons elsewhere. Stop publishing your every move on social media so he can track you down. He won't know what you're doing or where you are; unless you are broadcasting your business online. Hoping he'll read it, and contact you.
If he is harassing you, the police will never take your complaint seriously if things really get out-of-hand.
He texts every once in a blue moon? It's a booty call in disguise! If it's always at night, or on weekends? It is definitely a booty call! He's waiting to catch you off-guard, lonely and desperate, or in a vulnerable moment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2022): You sound like a soppy teenager. It is obvious he wants to keep you simmering so he can come to you for sex when nobody else wants to help him out. Tell him to go to the local massage parlour where it is very expensive. Perhaps he wants a girlfriend who is sharper and got more common sense!You are so gullible.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2022): My dear, you two werez NEVER friends. You had casual sex and that's the only thing he was interested in. He told you that and did not mince words.If you love yourself, block his number and don't let him string you along.You create your own reality. If you want to be treated right, you have to know what that means and act accordingly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 September 2022):
 He's doing this to you because, while he doesn't actually want you, he doesn't want you to replace him with someone else. Popping up occasionally keeps him on your radar and prevents you from moving on. He's keeping you on the back burner as a plan B in case he is ever at a loose end and has no better offers.
I highly doubt he is "confused about his feelings", or ever was. He told you straight, he did not have any feelings for you and was not looking for a serious relationship. There is no clearer way he could have told you that, while you were ok for some casual sex, he does not view you as girlfriend material. Sorry if that sounds brutal, but you need to hear it so you can cut ties and move on.
You are worth so much more. Find someone who wants to be with you, not just for sex but for everything. Don't settle for a FWB arrangement when you are looking for more. Block this guy so he can no longer contact you, so you can heal from this episode of your life and start looking to a fresh future, with someone you deserve.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2022):
 Honey, you are in your 30's, not a teenager.
Block his number. You don't need to pretend to be friends or even be friendly with him.
You had a casual relationship involving sex, he is texting on occasion to keep you sweet JUST in case he isn't getting sex from someone else, maybe he can "get" you to hook up again at some point if other options dry up.
Throwing yo crumbs (aka random texts) doesn't take much effort but he thinks it makes YOU feel special enough to not totally cut him off.
I think it's naive to think that people can be friends after having had sex and having feelings for someone. Even if you "get over" them there is still a past involving sex. It kind throws a wrench in any friendship to add sex.
Doesn't mean that people NEVER can be friends but it rarely is a true friendship.
He (and you) wasted some time with a FWB - he still wants to waste your time with inane random text - keep HIM in your head. Maybe also to ensure that you don't move on to someone else until HE does. Plus he knows you caught feelings so he doesn't want YOU to feel bad for being rejected.
Overall, just block and move on.
If he ASKS you in person (which I doubt he will) just tell him you don't see the point in pretending you are friends or anything else.
Think about it, YOU are letting him live rent free in your mind instead of looking for someone who WANTS to get to know YOU, wants to be with YOU, not just have sex with your body.
...............................
|
