A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I have been with my husband for 16 years and married for 3. Not as if this matters, but anyway!Since being married I have caught him a handful of times reacting to half naked girls stories on instagram. This has happened both sober and drunk. The final time I caught him when he got in from a night out and he was laying right next to me... I know it may seem ridiculous, but I see this as a red flag. I know it may appear as something little, but is this fishing to cheat? Why not just watch porn?I can't get it out of my head as I see it as him wanting a response from these people.Any advice would be great. I am so lost.Thank you.
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female
reader, EmmyApple  +, writes (4 July 2022):
Instagram is full of big bouncing boobs and big round asses. It’s an irresistible thirst trap for men. My husband is the same way - he is constantly looking at sexy Instagram models shaking their boobs and asses in their lingerie or swimwear. It is addicting for him and lots of men - he looks at it like every free moment he gets lol. My friends say their husbands or boyfriends look at Instagram models a lot too. I honestly feel like it’s totally normal for guys and I would rather he looks at half naked girls than hardcore porn. My husband used to try to hide it but we’re at a comfort level now where he doesn’t need to. He often watches sexy videos when lying next to me in bed while I watch something else. We talk about the models sometimes. Our rule “look but don’t touch.” He is free to look at whatever he feels like, but he’s not allowed to communicate with the girls he watches. Our sex life has actually improved since we started allowing stuff like this. He’s constantly aroused now and we have set more often. I’m my opinion, you need to accept that this is normal, healthy behavior for men, and it can actually be good for your marriage.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 July 2022):
 Although you brush off the timescale of your relationship as being insignificant, I can't help wondering why you waited 13 years before getting married. In my experience - and this is just MY experience so may not apply to you - people usually get married a lot sooner than that if that is their ultimate goal for the relationship. I know a number of couples who were together a significant amount of time before getting married but those usually got married for reasons other than love. (To clarify, they were usually financial reasons. For example, one couple got married, after 30+ years together, following the death of the groom's parents, which caused a lot of family fighting over "the spoils". He wanted to ensure none of his family had any claim on any of his property if he were to die before his partner. Another couple got married because it turned out the lady could not claim anything from her husband's pension if he were to die before her. If they were married, however, she could carry on receiving 50% of the pension.)
Regardless of the reason for the delay in getting married, did this make you feel insecure? Did you, perhaps, pressure your husband into getting married?
Obviously we don't know your husband or his moral compass. He could just be a "looker" and enjoy pics of semi naked women. There again, his interaction could be a precursor to attempts to cheat (although, personally, I think, if that was his intention, he would just go on dating sites - far quicker and more goal-based). Has this behaviour only just started since you married or are you just paying more attention to what he is doing? Have you discussed it with him? What has he said?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2022): Talk to your husband.
I certanly wouldn't like it if my partner of 20 years (married for 15) did something like it.
It's demeaning.
I'm not sure what it actually means in real life, since I don't use social networks, but it is very disrespectful.
I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you did the same thing.
He obviously wants something. You need to know what that is.
I don't know how old he is, but sometimes even men in his later 30's (and for 40's it's a given!) have the need to prove to themselves that they are still men, because their testosterone levels are plummeting.
How's your sex life? Your relationship in general?
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