A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five month. I met him through work. He came across really nice and I didn’t see any thing that put me off him, in fact I thought I’d landed on my feet. As time has gone, I’m seeing the real him. He’s a big worrier, always stressed about something and is a negative person in most things. I thought it was maybe because he was still grieving for his father who died in December. The first thing he did was want to call it a day because I stayed out with friends longer then I said. He now blames me for everything that is wrong in the relationship, we are always arguing, he doesn’t like me going out with friends, he doesn’t want to go out with friends as he has none. He stresses about work, his health and worries about his mum on her own, even though he still lives with his mum amid expects me to be there all the time. He says I’m needy and always wanting reassurance when I don’t. I’m always the one apologising to him and trying to cheer him up and make him feel better. Underneath he’s a really nice caring man but that’s not the side I see much. I’m nearly 31 and i was looking for someone to settle down with but I don’t think it’s him now and im wasting my time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 August 2022):
 One of the best bits of advice I was given years ago was "don't waste time dating someone you don't envisage marrying/staying with". It is pointless staying with him when you already KNOW he is not the one for you.
End the relationship gently but firmly, then refuse any further contact with him. You already know he is not for you. Don't waste each other's time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2022): You are both insecure and lacking in confidence. A confidence woman would have said to herself wow, this guy is seriously not good enough for me, he can be so boring etc, and she would have finished with him. She would not need other peoples' opinion, especially a bunch of amateur advisors online. You are together because you are both lacking in confidence. Start being more aware and honest with yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2022): Read your post aloud to yourself and make a decision. It seems maybe this love-connection has run its course.
Yes, I would agree that you're wasting your time.
Most love-connections are great while dating. If they can withstand the test of time, and you both can overcome the typical challenges in a relationship; then it becomes an established relationship. Love and trust will grow. If you start seeing red-flags, and the object of your affections annoys you more than he or she makes you feel loved and cared-for; then you should seriously consider whether you've met a good match. It hasn't been that long, and you're already complaining.
Write it off as a bad-match, wish him well, and send him off on his miserable-way. He blames you for everything; so it shouldn't be too hard to call it quits. The longer you wait, the more addicted you'll become to the drama. The harder it will be to end it; even when it isn't good for either of you. You'll settle for less than what you want; and you could start a pattern of make-ups and breakups. It's not a marriage, it requires only so much effort to make it work.
If you do breakup, let it be for good. Don't let the fear of loneliness, or his sweettalk, make you second-guess your decision. If he worries and whines about things, he's probably the type who'll run a guilt-trip on you. Convincing you that things didn't go well; and it's all your fault. You've become used to having a guy around; and the thought of being single again will tempt you to keep "Mr. Miserable around," hoping he'll change. He won't. He may even get worse! Grief can make people beside themselves; but you've observed a number of other issues in his overall personality. He's problematic, and always full of woe. A Donny-Downer!
Judging by your post, you've already come to this decision, and you just wanted a push.
PUSH!!!
Don't worry, be strong! You'll land on your feet!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2022): Sorry, but he's nothing like you thought he was. He was putting up a show for you. Of course we all want to be the best versions of ourselves when trying to attract a partner. But, some people are so damaged that their best version is so far from who they truly are that it is unbearable to be with them in the long run.
This is also true when it comes to friendships.
It's up to you now.
I'd run for the hills.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 August 2022):
 You already know he isn't the right one for you. End it and move on.
The "nice and caring man" you saw, in the beginning, was maybe part of who he is but also it might just be an act to hook a partner because his "real" personality is so off-putting.
Stop wasting your time. Let him know that you don't feel the two of you are compatible long-term and then block, delete and remove yourself from his life and him from yours.
You know what to do, so just do it.
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