A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:While there is a real-life situation behind this question obviously, I would like to ask this more as a theoretical question. Openly gay single dude asks genuinely straight single dude if he would like to experiment sexually and offers no strings attached one-way oral sex. Gay dude admits he is super attracted to straight dude and has a crush on him but insists he has no expectations beyond the FWB offer. Straight dude is kind of freaked out but curious mainly because he is sexually frustrated and never experienced oral sex. In my opinion based on observing what friends have done, when girls propose FWB scenarios and sex happens they always catch feelings and it is never just non-romantic sex for fun. I am sure straight guys can and do develop feelings for the girl in those situations as well. I would guess the same is true with a guy-on-guy version of that, especially when the gay guy has already been honest and said there is a “crush.” Setting aside the moral question about having gay sex or casual sex outside a relationship, is accepting an offer like that taking advantage of someone who has real feelings and just setting up a disaster to happen at some point when the gay dude wants more of a relationship or gets upset it is such a one-way street? I guess the bigger question is does FWB really work or just something where someone is going to get hurt at some point? I already feel that is true about guys with girls, but wondering if anyone thinks it is different with guys on guys. It might be easy to take the gay guy at his word he has no expectations, but assume the straight guy actually cares about not messing with the gay dude’s genuine feelings and ruining a friendship no matter how horny and curious he might be. Please do not twist this into a homophobic question as the straight guy supports his gay friend and has already stuck up for him against haters even though the straight friend has a hard time sometimes understanding and relating to his friend’s gayness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2022): Aw please. So, because you want to be politically correct and be supportive of your guy friend and do not want to be seen as "homophobic " ....you'd happily let him suck your c..k ?? Duuude - that's going way above and beyond the call of duty .That would be like praying 5 times a day in a mosquee to show that you are not Islamophobic. There's nothing wrong or unethical or uncompassionate or homophobic in having clear your own sexual preferences, and in turning down (and being turned off by ) acts of homosexual sex. I suspect you have been a bit wishy-washy about all this, and I think you should be, in fact have been, much firmer and clearer , and tell him to stop at once suggesting these "experiments " or you will have to cut him off totally.
Which, perhaps (I don't know, just perhaps ) you should do regardless. He does not sound like a true friend, more like someone who use friendship as a handy excuse to get his kicks out of you. Same as if you had a female friend who ready had told you she does not want /need you to perform cunnilingus on her ,..and you with tbe excuse of being such good friends kept suggesting and insisting to do it for her own good and for the sake of your friendship. Creepy AF, no? Well, that's how your "friend " acts IMO : creepy AF. But maybe it is only just a typical case of his being young and wanting what he wants when he wants it, no matter how unwise. Kids will be like that ,often. So give him the benefit of doubt if you must...but tell him loud and clear to stay the f..k away from certain behaviours,suggestions and parts of your body.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2022): I think there is a misunderstanding. To take it out of the hypothetical, I am the straight asking for advice about how to deal with my gay friend's offer/request. I have turned him down so far and just like said I would think about it and he keeps asking and joking about it and like trying to talk me into it. I think a lot of what was said by you guys is still helpful to me even though it was kind of directed at him. I definitely agree with what was said about how I don't like being asked to go against my own desire or nature to prove I am a gay-friendly buddy. I do sort of feel like I am being asked to prove our friendship in a weird way. I admit I am curious but I am thinking it will be a mistake. The feedback and I am picking up on is don't mix sex with friendship. Part of me wants to defend him on some of the things that were said. I do not thing he would attack me in my sleep or whatever but I think I am more phobic about being naked around him and just make sure I am covered up down there with shorts or something after a shower before I get out of the bathroom. Just my hang up I guess. I feel bad because he confesses this big crush on me and seems like fixated on doing this "for" me but I am really freaked out about going there. I am having a hard time relating to him and I want to support him but I am super conflicted right now. I am sort of mad about him some now reading what Owl posted about how maybe he is de-valuing our friendship because he wants me like a piece of candy. That is not cool. My thing is do I just causally blow him off and say I will think about it or just flat out say no and tell him to stop asking? I want to be supportive and not a phobic a-hole but I do feel like he is looking at me differently or maybe I am just noticing now that I know. Even if he feels that way and cannot help it, it does not mean he is not my friend for real, right? Or is it just being my friend cause he has the hots and wants to be near me. That would really suck and make me more sad than i can say. Sorry for just typing random here. Well thank you anyway everyone. It was intense and educational reading the responses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): Typo corrections and editing:
"In my own years of experience in the gay-community; I will tell you that the heart has a mind of [its] own, and you never know when it will trip you up."
"I've seen [this scenario] far too many times, hon!"
"He was [a] very handsome guy; but he played-out his luck this time!"
"[The] guy played along with it, and later beat him senseless!!!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): In my own years of experience in the gay-community; I will tell you that the heart has a mind of it's own, and you never know when it will trip you up. I have never met a gay-man who wanted a straight-guy, so badly; that he had the nerve to proposition him, and didn't continue pushing the boundaries. All because his "gay-ego" won't easily accept the rejection. Not only that, you're a gay-guy; and fully aware that when we want candy, we won't stop; until we figure-out how to get it. Straight-men are no different towards women! "NO" means "NO!!!"
You tried that old, "no-strings attached" play. You wouldn't have asked, if you didn't want it so badly! You're taking advantage of having easy access, and you're also preying on his genuine fondness for you. It's strictly platonic; but you've admitted you are looking at him through the thirsty-eyes of a gay-man with an ulterior-motive. Not through the eyes of being just a trusted good-friend. You're willing to dismiss, dishonor, and ignore his true sexual-identity; for oral-sex with him. You selfishly and shamelessly put the poor guy on the spot! Hypothetically, of course! Imagine a lusty-female relentlessly pursuing you to give you oral-sex! Craving to have sexual-intercourse with you! Cornering you under the guise of friendship! Hypothetically speaking!
If this was a chance encounter with a random stranger; there is less likelihood of emotions getting involved. When there is a crush, and this person is a close-friend; that's crossing boundaries. That's tempting fate. You shouldn't exploit your friendship for sex; placing a straight-dude in the position of having to make the choice, whether or not to end the friendship. Being concerned things are going in the wrong direction; because now his friend has a crush. What is he to do with that??? Is it just a crush, or is he in-love with me? EEEW!!! Or some more masculine-version of eeew! Maybe UGH, or YUK!!! Do you have any straight female-friends you're willing to offer oral-sex?
It's normal for a straight-guy to have a curiosity about what it's like; but he will not cross that line, if he truly is straight. Not serving a life-sentence in prison. Sometimes those who do venture cross the line, get their heads really messed-up. They start questioning their manhood, and sexual-orientation! One incident could mean years of therapy!
If it happens once, and it's good; the gay-guy will want to make that move again, and again. If it happens again and again, the straight-man is no longer straight! He is either bisexual or gay! Once he enjoys having any kind of sex with other men; he's on the other team. Hitting the switch, as they say! I don't condone gay-men propositioning straight-men for sex; because it is dangerous, manipulative, or being opportunistic. He's your friend, and you shouldn't take advantage of his willingness to accept you as you are. If he refuses, you will likely pout; or keep angling, until you think you'll get what you want. I've seen far too many times, hon!
Back in the day, straight-guys who knew I was gay would try to use me for experimentation and to quinch their curiosities. Groping me, cupping my junk, showing me his penis, or teasing me! Touching me where they can't touch other men! They considered me less than a man! Objectifying me, just to get their jollies, and a few laughs. I wouldn't allow it! Don't tease what you can't please!
I'm not a boy-toy, guinea pig, or lab rat; and I would never encourage anybody to use me for experimentation. Not unless I knew they were absolutely certain of their sexual-orientation; and would be fine with the aftermath. Things could turn ugly.
I recall one particular gay-friend, who used to go to straight-clubs, offer to give intoxicated straight-guys rides; and he got lucky now and then. Mainly because, they probably weren't really straight, and were there for the same purpose. He picked-up the wrong-guy, and nearly lost an eye! He was very handsome guy; but he played-out his luck this time! They guy played along with it, and later beat him senseless!!! Another fellow I knew of, got beaten to death with a dumbbell! He befriended the guy, moved him into his guest-house, gave him money, got him drunk one day...but things ended terribly! The guy got only five years, suspended after serving only three! It was considered nonconsensual, and his lawyer criminalized the deceased gay-man in the trial. Obviously, the judge and jury agreed!
Just because the guy is a friend, doesn't mean he should be put on the spot. It's basically a subtle form of manipulation using the friendship as a bargaining chip. He has to go against his nature to prove how much of a gay-friendly buddy he is, and how far he'd be willing to go to prove it. It's also insulting to his manhood; to presume he'd be up for it just for the asking.
He may not react aggressively, or show it visibly; but all sorts of thoughts will run through his mind! Including ending the relationship; if he suspects you've already caught feelings. It's awkward! The last thing he (the straight-guy) wants to realize is that another "guy" (he considers a close-friend) is lusting after him; and just waiting for any opportunity. He can't trust you when he's drunk, or asleep, or naked! He'll shiver at the thought of being the target of a gay-man's lustful-pursuits. Knowing you're undressing him with your eyes! He's flattered, but it's as uncomfortable as you knowing some flirtatious-female at your job is going out of her way to get you to ask her out on a date. Knowing you are not the least bit interested, outside of just being friends!
You can keep testing the boundaries; but I think you would also be jeopardizing the friendship. While losing his trust little by little. He'll slowly pull-away, and/or avoid you. He doesn't want to have to punch you in the face someday; because you were out of line. He loves you in a brotherly-way; and that would break his heart. He understands you, and trusts you. He might say what you want to hear; because he wants to be cool, and he's comfortable in his skin. It's being an "opportunist" to proposition a friend for sexual-favors! Presumptuous, when the friend is of the same-sex, but straight! When you KNOW that person is a HETEROSEXUAL! You are asking him to deny who he is, which is hypocritical; yet he accepts you for who you are. With no unauthorized expectations!
Keep it in your pants, boyfriend!
There are plenty of good-looking, openly gay-men; ready, willing, and able to be friends with benefits.
That is, unless you're a sexual-predator. One of those gay-men with a "straight-boy" fetish, with narcissistic-tendencies. You prefer those who don't roll that way; but it gives you narcissistic-supply and sensual-pleasure to know you can bend and manipulate their will. Hope you're not!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2022):
 This will not work out as well as your imagination conjures up.
You DO know what a straight dude is? Right?
It's a MAN who wants FEMALE sexual experiences.
That doesn't mean that a straight dude can't ever have a sexual experience with another dude, it's not just their SEXUAL preference.
There is still a HUGE stigma about sexuality. Especially for men. A straight dude might accept your "offer" but he will later regret it and resent YOU and himself after. Where neither of you will "catch" romantic" feelings - hate and disgust are not a great outcome either. and yes, HE will drop you like a hot potato as a friend and feel all kinds of odd feelings. None of them are good for either of you. And yes, he might have stuck up for you, but this might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. He might feel USED afterward, confused knowing that he calls himself straight. And guess who he will take this out on? YOU. And himself.
You said it yourself, you have a crush on him. So there ARE feelings involved.
Why can you not SIMPLY go find a GAY dude and all this casual oral sex with them? WHY go after a straight guy? It makes no sense.
What exactly are you trying to achieve here?
To me, it's as ridiculous as a straight guy asking a lesbian if she wants to "experiment" with his dick. And the lesbian saying OK sure, is not a lesbian, she is a bisexual.
My guess is you are hoping he will have some kind of lightbulb moment and want more sex with you.
You are a toxic friend, OP
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 August 2022):
 Of all the ridiculous ideas I have recently heard, this has to be near the top of the list. Proceed at your own peril. This will not end well.
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