A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:During the past few years, I have helped my brother and sister-in-law with their kids (my nieces and nephew). My work schedule allowed it. I would often drop them off at school, pick them up from school, take them to practice (baseball practice and volleyball practice), est.Well, I have a promotion at work that will require me to move to another city. Instead of being excited for me, my brother and sister-in-law are upset that I will be unable to help them with their kids on a regular basis. I know that it will be inconvenient for my brother and sister-in-law, but they are more than able to step up to the plate and do the things that I been doing for them. Am I wrong for taking this promotion instead of putting my niece and nephew first?
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2022): I remember when I was single, years ago. I was living on my own and owned a shop which I worked in long hours all week earning just enough to pay the essential bills. But my mother - a weird and demanding woman - tried to demand that I often close the shop all day (still paying the rent and bills for it but with no income from it those days - or paying staff to do it for me those days) so that I could look after my sister's little girl. My sister lived about ten miles away, I was expected to travel there - despite not having the money for this travelling, a car, petrol etc, spend all day there taking care of the child and then pay to come home again. My sister was a rich lady of leisure, who would have been out at hairdressers, spas, saunas, manicurists, bars, coffee lounges etc with her friends. Her husband was earning a fortune and they had everything money could buy, they could easily have afforded a full time carer for the girl. But my mother thought I should forego taking care of my income and paying my bills to save them money!
Guess what. I said no. I got a lot of grief about it,
but you need to insist that the answer is no. The trouble is that you started off by being willing and available, it is hard for them to understand that the free babysitting and all the rest dries up. They want it forever, all to suit them, as if they are the centre of your universe and their lives and saving money on care comes before any of your feelings or needs. For years you have gone along with this and now you have the audacity to think that a promotion is more important - that your life - for once - matters more than theirs! Personally I think you were silly to be so available before, because it creates a predecent where they expect it as a right forever. You start as you mean to go on with these things. They see you as the saddo single person who has no life, who is always just available to make other peoples' lives better, which is very selfish and insulting.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 August 2022):
 Isn't it amazing that, instead of thanking you for all you have done, they are just upset that you are putting yourself first for a change and won't be raising their kids for them any longer? That tells you all you need to know about them.
You are a kind man who has, up to now, helped them out of the goodness of your heart. Do NOT - under any circumstances, feel guilty about putting yourself first for a change. Shame on them for trying to stand in your way for their own benefit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): Go for the promotion! It's their responsibility to look after their kids. They're only upset because now they'll have to pay for childcare. We're they paying you for your time? No I doubt it. They wanted kids, now they have to look after them. Take the promotion and put your own needs first.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2022):
 "Am I wrong for taking this promotion instead of putting my niece and nephew first?"
Absolutely not!
It's THEIR kids. Their problem to solve.
You did an AMAZING thing to help out as much as you did and your brother and SIL should be grateful that you helped as much as you did.
They sound ungrateful. Because it means THEY have to step up or find another solution.
I'm sure you can still find time to see your niblings but the time when you were able to help in the day-to-day of their lives is over.
Congrats on the promotion!
Don't let them guilt trip you into thinking you shouldn't advance your career.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2022): Of course not. People are selfish, and your brother , although probably being a good person from other points of view - in this instance thinks more about his own convenience than your interest and satisfaction. You spoiled them :) they've got it too good for too long a time. All those years of free, reliable babysitting ! Well, all things must pass, good and bad...from now on, they'll have to pay for childcare .Let them just suck it up !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2022): Of course you're not wrong. Your brother sounds like the one who's in the wrong and just using you.
Leave and take your promotion. Your brother will find a way to look after his OWN kids!! He's been lucky to have you up until now. Good luck.
...............................
|
