A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Around 6 weeks ago , i had a slight falling out with two friends . i went out with these two friends to a nightclub in a different part of my town , quite a drive away .we had a taxi booked , my friend then asked me if i could book a later one instead . i said no because due to horrible past experiences i dont always trust people to give me my money back . i think its become more of case where im more protective over my money.this wasnt fair or me saying that as i guess its insulting saying you dont trust someone and because we were in a club they coudn't really charge their phones. i think i came across very stubborn and difficult . instead of explaining this and how i didn't want to stay longer and how im protective over my money i just walked away and sat on a bench for a few moments.i dont think they heard me say i was doing this so i think it just came across as though i walked off .my friend managed to book a later taxi . and we all went home together i wanted to try to apologise on the night but thought id wait until the morning .as they were busy dancing and having fun . since this i explained myself through writing a short letter and sending it as photo through text .they were worried they would be left stranded with me saying no to booking the taxi . they both replied to my message and one friend said about changing my actions and not just addressing the need for change on a piece of paper but that she appreciated the letter. i found her message rather blunt but i partially agree with her and get where she is coming from ,others thought her response was rude and theres no point in replying. i think she in particular has found me really immature , i will admit i think i can be in situations when i dont know how to deal with things and i have said things that i shoudnt have said at times all because when i have been out with them i get jealous and sad as they are much much more confident then me and always end up talking and getting cosy with guys when weve been out so i feel sad and then end up saying silly things . i havent seen them both or spoke to them since , ive been thinking about them alot and im not sure now if there is any point in replying to them or trying to be freinds and meet up?there both 6 years younger then me and going to uni soon so i feel as though whats the point in trying to rekindling something . i explained and apologised and im glad i did it , but its still sad missing people . any advice , shall i just leave it and accept that they probably dont want to talk to me anymore . i always think i need to get used to people coming and going throughout life and freindships coming to and end but i still feel like i want to do something .
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2022): Once you've apologized for something you're done. That's it! Sometimes it takes more than one apology, if you're truly sincere, and not just trying to sweep the matter under the rug. Just until you pull the same stunt yet again. Maybe this situation has come to this, because they're tired with dealing with your behavior.
You can't force people to accept an apology; but if your apology is accepted and they no longer communicate, then move on. It may hurt your pride to feel rejected; but it will hurt your feelings even more if you keep apologizing and forcing the issue only to be met with resistance.
LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! Find another set of friends to hangout with, and work-on your self-confidence. If you get pouty and snarky because you've had a bad night; people can only put-up with this but for only so long. Sorry means nothing when you keep doing it again and again.
Apologies after a history of bad-behavior will not be taken seriously. You should also bear in-mind that people like to gang-up and punish you. They use passive-aggressive methods like ignoring your calls, ghosting, taking a long time to respond to your messages, or leaving you off their guest-list for invitations. The mature thing to do in response to this kind of behavior is to move on. Using head-games as a means to psychologically punish people is cruel; and if you give-in to this type of behavior, people will get into your mind and mess you up.
They now know an effective way to push your buttons.
They are inflicting "mean-girl" tactics at the moment; but they are also way younger than you are, which must place them somewhere in their teens, if your indicated age "22-25" is accurate. Six years younger than 25 is 19! You're too old to be hanging-out with kids this age anyway. You should expect them to behave like children, because they ARE!!!
I suggest you expand your circle of friends to include young women mature enough to know how to handle petty disagreements. You're playing baby-sitter with two adolescents.
That being said, you may want to learn how to better express yourself without coming across as curt or rude. If you're handling problems while you're tipsy, and don't have full control over your faculties; your friends are justified in wanting to put distance in-between you. We're not getting their side of this, and we don't know your history of behavior; so you're getting full benefit of the doubt, because this is your post.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 August 2022):
 You and these friends are at very different stages of your lives. You may go out together but they will soon be moving on with their new lives at Uni while you stay behind. Find friends who are at similar stages in their lives to you.
Also perhaps you should learn how to handle conflict better? Learn how to be assertive without coming across as sulky or aggressive. It's a skill which will serve you well in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): You don't sound to be a barrel of laughs to be around in all honesty. Instead of saying no to the later taxi, you could've asked them to prepay first so no one needed to worry about finding the cash for the booking later. That way, everyone can enjoy themselves.
Storming off and sitting alone only made you look like a misery guts. Who wants to be around that?
You've apologized so leave it at that. If they reach out to you then go from there. If not, then move on and learn from the situation. You are young. People your age just want to enjoy themselves. Friendships at that age are also not really solid or loyal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): You want to do something because you want to keep them as friends and do not want to lose them. You want to take the blame and look for ways to excuse their behaviour over yours to make this easier. The problem may be that you are not matched, maybe they are too young, maybe you are on different wavelengths or all sorts, it seems to me you are trying to make a friendship out of people who are not suited to each other and then these problems happen and you panic and want to back track in an effort to still be "friends".
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