A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im dating my ex who I broke up from for one year break. Things are going great. One concern is that she has ordered sexy clothes, with mask, gloves. As if it’s a fancy dress full costume for party. I only know this because I got a notification from her online shopping account (I ordered a electric drill on her account few weeks ago) I think she may have forgotten I still have access. Anyway I have not said anything, I feel really weird because she is now a big girl, and often covers herself. I encourage her to be confident and dress up but she doesn’t. So I found it very weird she ordered costume like that. I don’t know whether confronting her will help. Shall I wait in case it’s for me? If she told me she bought something risky or wild, I would be her biggest fan, so I’m not sure why she wouldn’t say. As a result my mood has been off and I have been struggling to tell her, so I thought I’d ask here to see what you guys think? Maybe I should wait a few weeks to see what happens? We see each other roughly once a week due to short distance and work routines. FYI During our break she was sleeping with another guy who she says she is no longer in contact with. I don’t have suspicions but I also don’t know.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 September 2022):
 See, easy peasy.
Communication really is KEY in a healthy relationship.
Good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2022): It’s okay guys, I spoke to her asking if she has done some shopping. She said yes and proceeded to show me. She purchased it for a night out with her Aunty. I’m quite relaxed she didn’t hesitate and was open about it. I only came her for a bit of advice. It’s not the end of the world. We share everything it’s as if we never broke up. We jus spend another day together, it was great. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2022): Besides all that others have said, I don't but that things are going so great! You only see each other once a week? If you love somebody and want to be with them, you make the effort to be with each other. No ifs and no buts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2022):
My response is don’t say anything at all about it.
If a few months go by and she hasn’t worn it then maybe you should be a little suspicious, but as of right now you have nothing to go on.
It sounds like you have trust issues, maybe justified, but examine those and forget about her costume.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2022): Well, this is how I see it. You could have ordered your drill without searching through her shopping history; which is, by the way, none of your business. You don't have the right to access of a husband; you are her boyfriend, and access to highly personal information is strictly at her discretion. If she were your wife, she'd have little justification for keeping such secrets from her husband, or visa versa.
If she didn't deny you access to her charge account, it follows that she trusts you enough to not have removed you from it. Perhaps she isn't necessarily hiding anything; or just didn't think you'd get back together, and had other plans.
Snooping opened a Pandora's Box; and your distrust, insecurity, and imagination have gotten the better of you. You can ask, but I don't think you should just yet. It's up to her to divulge for whom, or why, she ordered the outfit. I personally recommend that you sit on it, stop jumping to wild conclusions; and if it might all be for you, don't spoil the surprise. It's near Halloween, and if you trusted her; you could reasonably assume it was a sexy costume, rather than drumming-up all sorts of bad thoughts in your mind.
If you think the worst before you know the facts, I don't think your relationship is going to survive. If she did get that costume for nefarious reasons, as you must suspect; then maybe getting back together is just a trial to see if reconciliation is sincere and really worth the trouble.
I would wait and see. If she doesn't offer any explanation, or surprise you by Halloween; then ask her what it's all about. You cannot act on presumption or accuse without facts. If you know the kind of person she is, if your past history with your mate has proven she is a trustworthy person; that should give her some benefit of the doubt, and put your mind at ease. If she has a past of secrecy and betrayal; then attempting a reconciliation wasn't a wise move. Maybe you should have moved on.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 September 2022):
 Wow! Just wow!
Firstly, if you really have access to her online shopping account because you "ordered a electric drill on her account few weeks ago", then you should remove yourself or remind her you still have access and check she is aware of it and comfortable with it. You should have removed yourself immediately after you received the drill. Personally I don't buy your story as why would they notify YOU if SHE had ordered something. Much more likely that you have been snooping and checking on her.
Secondly, do you trust her? If not, why are you back with her? What made you break up in the first place? Has the issue/problem been fixed/resolved? If not, what makes you think the relationship will last this time around?
The costume may be for her. It may be something she wanted to surprise you with (if she doesn't lose her nerve). It may be something someone else has ordered on her account - just like you with your electric drill. But heh, why bother to ask when you can jump to conclusions so much easier, right? Or would asking be uncomfortable because she would know you have been snooping?
You remind me of my first boyfriend, when I was in my teens. He hated smoking and I had given up (for other reasons than because he hated it). He went all moody and sulky on me one day and I eventually dragged out of him that it was because he had seen a box of matches in my handbag and had immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was smoking again but keeping it secret from him. The matches were there because my family had been to the cemetery to light candles on my dad's grave on the anniversary of his death and I still had them in my bag. We were silly teenagers at the time. You, on the other hand, are not. I wonder if your insecurity and jealousy was part of the reason you and your girlfriend broke up last time?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2022): Grow up!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 September 2022):
 Halloween? Geez..just ask rather then guess. If she acts weird well maybe you should worry or maybe she wanted to surprise you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2022):
Ask her?
Would that not make the most sense?
You say things are going great but you can't even ASK her about something that may be totally innocent.
Is there an upcoming Halloween party in the works? Or dress up party?
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