A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I married someone from another country 3 years ago.Unfortunately, they won't even allow him to come to my country on a visiting visa. So, I go visit him in his country. I have offered to move to his country, but he feels I'm not safe there permanently. He doesn't make much money due to lack of employment where he lives, so he expects 400 to 500 hundred per month from me. It seems like a high amount for where he lives. If I ask why he needs so much he argues. I even asked him to send a screenshot of his account balance and he never does. Is it wrong that I ask him to prove he's broke? I feel like I'm being used .Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2022): Why would any woman with self respect settle for this? A man who cannot pay his own way in life, let alone take care of her too? You are far better off being single.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2022): You ask this as if to say you are happy to be married for the rest of your life to a man who is broke and asks you for money all the time -so long as he is telling the truth. The truth in what way ? That he is too lazy to get a job? That he is unskilled and got no education or skills (which he can put right if not lazy), that he selfish and irresponsible and rely on muggings - you - to foot the bill for it all - that he has no sense of responsibility towards you or taking care of you, he acts like a soppy housewife who relies on a man.
Why would you want to be married to a man who is broke if you are not broke? Why do you think this is a good life?
You need to wake up. There are millions of guys who are single and looking for good woman, many of them have good job and pay their own way. Many far better than this sorry specimen who offers you nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2022): Editing and corrections:
"[You've chosen] to find a husband who couldn't legally immigrate ([or] doesn't want or intend to); and this is usually what you'll get."
PS
You didn't know he was broke before you married him? How on earth could such a thing possibly happen? These are rhetorical questions. I believe I already know the answers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2022): You gave him the perfect set-up. He gets money, but doesn't have to send any back. You are the victim of a foreign-marriage scam.
Stop sending money. He's not really your husband, he is your permanent adult-dependent. You chose to find a husband who couldn't legally immigrate (of doesn't want or intend to); and this is usually what you'll get.
We get posts like yours frequently, and often they are coming from the same original poster. They want advice of how they can fix it and keep the husband. They won't listen to any other kind of advice. They don't intend to leave him, or it will be too costly and complicated to do so.
This is it, there is no advice here that will make him confess that he scammed you; but you can hire a lawyer who handles fraudulent marriages, and get yourself a divorce. He married your money, not you. Otherwise, he would do everything humanly possible to be with you; and be a real man and take care of you. They say, you get what you pay for. You paid for a scam-artist.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 August 2022):
 Of course your "husband" doesn't want you to move to his country, because then you won't be able to send him regular money. Also, you may cramp his style if you are not his only source of income. He probably has friends who are also scamming women for money and it would never do if you were to find out all this.
Stop sending him money immediately. I suspect he will happily divorce you once you are no longer supporting him (and whoever else he supports with your money).
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 August 2022):
 Sorry Op but you are being used. The best thing you can do is end things. Your marriage has no chance of lasting under the circumstances unless you just keep the blinders on and go merrily along. Dont give him money! Why is it all up to you to provide? Wake up and start looking out fir yourself because your husband sure isnt!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 August 2022):
 Sounds like a marriage scam OP
Why in the World are you PAYING a man who CAN NOT EVER take care of you or provide for YOU and any family you could have?
You feel used because you ARE being used.
Just get a divorce and find someone closer to you geographically, someone with a job and career who isn't going to mooch off you for as long as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): How can you marry a man you barely know and lives in another country? You don't share which country this is but I have my suspicions that it's well known for corruption. You've fallen hook, line and sinker for a scam marriage.
DO NOTSEND HIM MONEY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): The reason you feel that you are being used - is that you ARE being used. All the warning signs are there. You will never get back the money he has taken off you. And he probably has multiple women on the go at once who he is stealing from.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): You are being used and you are being naive. Why would you want to move to another country to be with anyone at all?
Let alone someone who does not earn much and wants you for your money? It would be cheaper and quicker for you to stay where you are and just send every penny you can each week but keep your friends and life and everything else the same as it is. You barely know this person so why would you do so much for them and give them all you have? Grow up. Wake up. You are being far too soft, manipulated and generous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2022): Yes,short and simple-divorce. This arrangement just cannot go on.He ca not even get a visiting visa ! , imagine a work visa. You can't go live in his country permanently ( also because he does not want you there ). 500 a month may be not much or a whole lot of money, depending from where heives, and in some third-world countries it is a huge amount of money . But it is not difficult to document oneself about the cost of living in a certain place ,there are apposite sites for that. Anyway ,if you have got the feeling that you are being scammed and used , you probably are. There should be no need to ask him prove that he is broke, and if you have to resort to that, it means that you do not trust him at all.Probably with good reason, but, regardless,trust is the base of a good marriage, if you cannot trust your husband you should not be married to him . Plus,suppose that he is really broke and unemployable - what do you want to do, keep him as a boytoy for the rest of your life ? A boytoy who is it at your disposal only very occasionly, due to distance ??
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