My Boyfriend is still Married but getting a Divorce?
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend has been hiding the truth from me that he is married to someone else for the past 2 years that we have been together. I had to beat the truth out of him because I had always been suspicious that he was hiding ...
A. 14 November 2011: Sweetheart, you can find the answers that you seek without a whole lot of effort.
Marriages are public records, and depending on where you are located, you may be able to find record of his marriage online. Divorce decrees, also, tend to be pu... (read in full...)
Eleven years together. I am seriously clucky for children. He wanted children. Now his mind is closed to the idea. what can I do?.
Q. I'm feeling extremely maternal at the moment and it's causing problems in my relationship. I'm 28, almost 29 and I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years. We've only been living together for just under a year. I know. Things have moved slow ...
A. 14 November 2011: I know that you don't want to hear this, but here goes:
One of the theories behind the statistics showing that cohabitation tends not to lead to marriage (or, leads to marriage and then divorce) is the idea that the two people involved in the rela... (read in full...)
I do not know her father's name. Should I leave that blank on the form? Or put my new boyfriend's name on the pre-school form as "father" to avoid questions?
Q. I was raped nearly 3 years ago by a disgusting guy at a friends party. I didnt know who he was and still dont. What he did to me was awful but it had a hidden blessing. It created a beautiful baby girl who i love to bits. I decided to keep the baby...
A. 7 November 2011: Leave it blank.
Discuss your situation with a teacher that you trust so that you will mitigate the likelihood that the teachers ask nosy questions (you'd be amazed what some people ask children).
Your story warmed my heart; I wish you and you... (read in full...)
Need help with online dating.
Q. Has anyone got experience of on line dating? I have met 3,but they have all been less than truthful. Professional was unemployed. Had 1 child was really 4. Single turned out to be in a relationship who enjoyed the thrill. Does it ever get better?...
A. 7 November 2011: Hoo boy, are there ever some wackos out there! Your story attests to that.
Unfortunately, you do have to kiss a few frogs to find a princess. However, you do not have to suffer fools lightly.
Have you ever considered signing up for hobbies t... (read in full...)
Contraception advice, anyone?
Q. So me and my long term boyfriend have been using condoms as our only method of birth control and it's not an ideal situation. He constantly complains about how much less good it feels and frequently gets irritated that I won't go back on the pill or ...
A. 7 November 2011: I feel like men are completely clueless as to the effect of hormonal birth control on female sexuality. Simply put, the effect of hormonal birth control on female desire has been linked in several studies for the better part of a decade. Even a ... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband to allow me to see my friends?
Q. I'm coming to you all to see if I can get a few opinions on my marriage. Recently I have come to notice a few things happening. I had asked if I could go and see my friend that is about an hour drive from where I am. He said no, that it wasn't ...
A. 3 November 2011: Oh dear.
This man has you in a relationship defined by control. This is but one definition of abuse. There are several other red flags there.
I hope that you stay safe.
... (read in full...)
I feel like all he wants is a substitute mother!
Q. I have recently moved in with my on/off partner of 7yrs. He used to live live with his mum but she passed away 4 mths ago and he has now decided he wants to be a proper father. The problem i have is that he has started pressureing me to give up work ...
A. 2 November 2011: You are hoping for your man to change, and I just don't see that happening. You have known this guy for 7 years, and for seven years you have felt like you were the "second string" to his mother.
Now, just because his mom is gone, you think th... (read in full...)
In Turmoil. How can I resolve my Commitment issues? my girlfriend has given up on me :(
Q. Hi Folks, Commitment issues of my own have caused my girlfriend to give up :(! I'm after some advice, not sure if anyone can help, but basically the story goes like this: My girlfriend and I were together for 3 1/2 years. We had a long ...
A. 1 November 2011: Print out what you wrote here and give it to your (ex)girlfriend.
At this point, you have nothing to lose and you might as well lay all of your cards out on the table. I imagine that she will at least want to engage in discussing things o... (read in full...)
Why does he want to have a baby with me and not get married?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for nearly a year, and living together for over 6 months. He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's. We both have been divorced. He recently expressed that he wants to have a baby, and we agreed ...
A. 1 November 2011: What makes me very sad about your situation is that what Danielepew said is largely correct: Mr. In His Forties is getting what he wants by either having been strategically vague to you or outright lying. As a result, the situation is lopsided by ... (read in full...)
I am afraid to lose her but I think its certain!
Q. i feel like a dummy for asking but...some people, including my gf are convincing. i met a young lady half my age a year ago online. fwiw, she spoke to me first and the first few times after meeting her, when i'd go online she'd be the one to ...
A. 31 October 2011: OK, so the age difference in this situation is, in fact, a red herring. There are a few things jumping out at me when I read this, so I'll try to break it down as best I can: (a) You mentioned a girlfriend in the very first sentence, and th... (read in full...)
Dating a man a family member used to date?
Q. Am i wrong for falling in love with a guy my aunt use to date while back? we been seeing each other for about 9months but what should i do because i really dont want to go through with it now that our secret is coming out and dont want my family to ...
A. 30 October 2011: Ask yourself how long you plan on dating this guy and how serious you expect things to get. Because, frankly, the kind of hurt that you could be opening yourself to could very well last longer than this relationship.
Rifts that have lasted f... (read in full...)
We have decided that we will go back out with each other in 2-3 years. Should I just move on now??
Q. Well me nd my bf (now ex) decided to break things off when his baby momma threatened to put him on child support if he didnt go back.And im only 16 and he is 21 so we decided it would benefit both of us if we waited a few years to go back out. Well ...
A. 30 October 2011: Wait ... so he is 21 and already has a baby mama?!
And you are 16?!
And you are wondering if you should move on already?
Oh, honey. Please don't waste the most fun-filled and carefree years of your life on this guy. The fact that he is a d... (read in full...)
The baby mama of my husband is making our lives a living nightmare!
Q. Hi, Hope someone can help - i am going out of my mind. My husband of 17 yrs had an affair with a girl nearly half his age, bad enough but after he told me it was over he had to admit that she was pregnant. Now i am sure that in the beginning she di...
A. 28 October 2011: Get a lawyer. You will need two things, with the assistance of legal guidance: (1) I STRONGLY recommend that you petition your local family court for an official parenting and child support plan. In that plan, you should schedule SUPERVISED v... (read in full...)
Is it because I dont' give into their needs and stay strong or am I a pushover?
Q. I have been dating a guy for 3 years. When we met he was going through a divorce. It was hard and his family never accepted me - there was also much baggage with the Ex. They did, and still do invite his ex to things and not me and it's always ...
A. 26 October 2011: He did you a favor by leaving you to mooch off someone else.
I read your post twice and not once did you mention that he did anything for you.
He does not stand up for you to his family.
He does not have a steady income and relies on you... (read in full...)
How long should I date her without a sexual relationship?
Q. I am a male with a high-sex drive in my mid twenties. I have had a lot of partners and dated even more women, but only one previous lover. I met this new girl who I am absolutely attracted to in multiple dynamics and hope her to be my next love....
A. 23 October 2011: This relationship is already mismatched from the start on a sexual level.
My question to you is this: if you know that she moves slowly and you move quickly on the sexual front, WHY are you trying to pursue this further? Mismatched sexual t... (read in full...)
Life passing by. How do I cope with Mom pressure?. I hate she's constantly reminding me I'm getting older and less wannted
Q. I'm about to turn 25 and i'm having a quarter life crisis. Every other aspect of my life is good. I'm graduating from grad school soon, I have a great job that I love. The only thing that is going wrong is my lack of a love life. I want marriag...
A. 23 October 2011: When your mother says such horrible things, just say "EH?" really loudly. In other words, pretend that you can't hear her, and if she doesn't get the point, loudly proclaim that you are incapable of hearing "such things". She will get the message ... (read in full...)
Is everyone capable of finding love?
Q. Do you believe anyone and everyone is capable of finding love if they put in effort to do so? Thanks for answering :)...
A. 23 October 2011: Are we talking about people, things, or both?
I think that most people fall in love, though that may not be with another person. People love activities and concepts and animals and all sorts of things. Romantic love is but one flavor in a verita... (read in full...)
Why is my husband calling me names and being so mean.? He's the one who has been secretly visiting and talking to my "friend"
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, he's 41 and I'm 32. I had this friend, or so I thought she was. We were great friends, but we did hang out a few times. My husband and I started having some marital difficulties, and during that tim...
A. 23 October 2011: Men tend to turn their anger outward, whereas women tend to turn their anger inward.
Long story short: if he is accusing you of cheating, it is because the idea has come up in his head first. Whether your "friend" and husband became physical... (read in full...)
Does he really love me? And why does he not want me to see other men, when he already has a wife he cheats on?
Q. ModNote: two adjacent related questions joined into one. I need advice. I am currently in a relationship with a married man. I am 28 and this has been going on for a little over a year. It started off as just sex but now I've fallen in love with...
A. 22 October 2011: The answer to your last question is this: he does not want you to date other men because he bought you with his money, and now he owns you and your time. He wants you to be available all of the time, because he has no idea when he can see you so ... (read in full...)
Am I horrible and selfish for not sleeping his way?
Q. things have been rocky with my boyfriend lately. Our last fight was on our anniversary-month. He came over surprise me with a flower, letter and chocolate and in turn I gave him letter and a key chain bear. He told me he had to wake up 7am in the ...
A. 16 October 2011: The exchange that you described in your initial post is a variation of what I hear frequently when I volunteer for a domestic violence hotline.
There are spats, and that is normal. Shoving your partner around because s/he did not sleep the way ... (read in full...)
My younger wife is having sexual problems. How can I help her?
Q. I am a 53 year old male married to a 25 year old and we are having sexual problems not by me but her. we also have 4 children. Can you give me some advice? ...
A. 16 October 2011: There are a few things about this simple question that throw up some red flags. Here goes: (a) Dude, it doesn't matter if the genesis of the sexual issue is with you or with her. The bottom line is that changes will have to be made by BOTH OF ... (read in full...)
Nobody knows that a lot of my academic partner's work is done for him by me!
Q. How much should you give up for your partner's career? My fiance is an academic. He's at a conference right now. He was out until 4.30am drinking, and he'll be tired and grumpy when he comes home. He won't get any work done today, which mea...
A. 16 October 2011: If you don't end this situation now, he will end it later ... but only after he has used his charm and influence to get every bit of your hard work out of you that he can use. It's no fun feeling like your partner uses you to get ahead. I have ... (read in full...)
B/f wants to move in together but I don't like the closeness he has with his female friend and I can't commit like this
Q. I have written here before and I have recieved great answers, now I have a new question. My boyfriend of two years and I have had a few problems when in our relationship. In the beginning of our realtionship I found out that my mother had cancer a...
A. 16 October 2011: DO NOT move in with this guy right now. Your instinct is telling you not to do so, so don't do it.
I also strongly recommend that you revisit WHY you are dating the guy you are dating, when he apparently is so quick to involve other people (... (read in full...)
We live with an older friend of my husband's and while she has been very helpful to us, she refers to him as her husband!
Q. i really need help please. my husband and i have been married for almost a year now. we have been living with a friend of his who is older and is like a mom to him since we can't afford a place of our own yet and she helps us out with finances. ...
A. 15 October 2011: What you are describing is definitely a "menage a trois", in the platonic sense. And while I think this other lady calling your husband "her husband" is largely harmless, the other things that you describe show an insidious pattern of unde... (read in full...)
Will my husband soon feel we are ready to have children?
Q. my husband and i have been married for about a year and been together for little over a year now.i'm 22 and he's 30. we both want kids at some point but had said we aren't ready. i'm on the pill, but i am starting to feel ready for us to be ...
A. 15 October 2011: Your questions seem to suggest that you two have not talked about this, so that is the first step ... TALK to your husband about your desire for a baby. It's not so uncommon to want a baby at your age! Even if you can't have one right away, it is ... (read in full...)
Is this enough to satisfy a woman?
Q. Women! your thought please.... Is it possible for man to satisfy a woman even if his penis is of the size of his middle finger in terms of legnth? I'm talking only about intercourse. Honest opinion please....!...
A. 15 October 2011: Dude, if you learn nothing else in this life, learn this: Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Never fails!... (read in full...)
An employee is sending me texts asking me out to dinner, and this started on my second day!
Q. Alright... so this week I started my new job and I was just trying to get used to everyone and get to know the employees since I am the new supervisor. This one employee passed me a note that said "dinner?" while I was sitting at my desk and it ...
A. 9 October 2011: DON'T DO IT.
I can't stress this enough.
Especially since you are female, I will tell you something that you probably already knew but need to hear in this instance: in cases involving workplace affairs, nine times out of ten the woman gets s... (read in full...)
4 yrs with my bf who still married but separated..still no sign of filing for divorce!
Q. hi everyone, I needed help and advice as I'm in so much pain.. I love my bf so much.. i am single mum and currently in a relationship with a man whos 18 yrs older than me and still married. were in a long distance relationship for 4 years now ...
A. 9 October 2011: You have your answer.
It's been four years and he is not divorced yet. AND WHY SHOULD HE????
He gets his young side piece (i.e., you) and he gets to keep his respectable wife. He has ZERO incentive whatsoever of changing the status quo. ... (read in full...)
What to do? The Cook and I made out in the back room of the restaurant. Do we continue? He's married.
Q. I work at a restaurant as a server. I get along with everyone I work with fairly well, but the cooks exceptionally. All the cooks are men (but I've always been more partial to having male friends than females) Somehow I managed to attract the atte...
A. 9 October 2011: Oh, honey. You are courting so much danger.
Let me tell you something. I am in a position where I have seen many of these scenarios come and go. I will tell you two things:
Number one: on the subject of workplace affairs, women tend to ge... (read in full...)
My Dad asked me to tell a serious lie. I feel bad about that. Should I cut contact with him?
Q. Hey everyone so its been awhile since i have been on here but i could really use some help, so this morning my dad called me and he lives six hours away from me and i only see him once in a great while and he asked me if i could do a favor for him ...
A. 9 October 2011: Cutting off contact with a family member entirely is usually something that comes about in the wake of prolonged abuse or neglect. Without any of those issues at play, I don't think that you should cut off your dad.
I DO think that you need to ... (read in full...)
When does a guest stop being a guest?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months is not living with me but he seems to stay here at least 3 nights a week. He has not worked since I have known him, has had interviews for jobs but not getting anywhere (he is a very intelligent man and has a lot of ...
A. 9 October 2011: Stop washing his clothes.
Stop inviting him over for more than 1 day once a week.
Do not accuse him of being a freeloader, but state to him that you need the time to yourself and you like the space. If he presses on from there, you need ... (read in full...)
My 41 year old boyfriend fancies teenage girls
Q. My partner is 41. However, he says he feels like he is 18 years old. Now thats great, as it keeps him active etc. However, the downside is that he fancies women or rather girls that are very young- I'm talking 16-18. This really creeps me out. I ...
A. 16 September 2011: What is unclear to me is why you want to date someone who makes you feel old (whether by commission or omission) at 25.
Life is too short for that kind of silliness! You are at the cusp of your youth, and you should enjoy it with someone who make... (read in full...)
My BF says I don't love him enough. Who's right?
Q. So my boyfriend of 8yrs decides now that he has come to his senses that he cannot be with me cuz he feels that I'm not there for him..Mind you thru infedility, mental abuse and all his other baggage he states since he can't count on me cuz he's been ...
A. 16 September 2011: Girl, RUN.
You had it right the first time. Don't marry him, stop hanging out with him, and focus on the parts of your life that you said you needed to resolve. He needs to learn to handle his own business.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend resents my choice of college. What do I do?
Q. I'm a sophomore at one of the best liberal arts colleges in the US. I'm here for a major that's not so widely offered (and that's getting slashed increasingly often in budget cuts at other schools) and our open curriculum. The general atmosphere ...
A. 16 September 2011: Dump him like a bad habit!
You are not the problem; he is.... (read in full...)
My mother is emotionally and physically abusive
Q. Ok I am aware this doesnt really have anything to do with love but I really really need advice here or input of some sort so if you could all please read and help me id be soo grateful. So here it goes...I have an awful relationship wit...
A. 16 September 2011: Move!
You are a very sweet girl, and obviously very forgiving of your mother's behavior. With that having been said, if you do not move out of her place, she will continue to chip away at your self-esteem until you have none left!
I have ... (read in full...)
Is she just being hyper sensitive about my hygiene so she doesn't have to give me head?
Q. hi hears my issue. My girlfriend say my penis smells even when i have just got out of the shower. I have no sti or other problems as i got checked. I feel this is her being hyper sensestive or just a reason for her not to give me head anymore. I in ...
A. 3 September 2011: I will just co-sign what others have said: it is very likely that your girlfriend has a keener sense of smell than you. This sort of thing is especially common with young women.
Drink pineapple juice and shave. Those are my suggesti... (read in full...)
Life without sex is destroying me
Q. hi their. Can i have some views on sexless relationships. I have a high sex drive. And my future wife has none. So i masturbate quite a bit. I think my partners low sex drive is mainly due to her body image. She feels she is fat and unattractive. ...
A. 29 August 2011: And WHY are you marrying this woman if you know that sex is already a problem before the marriage has even begun?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me to have any friends except him
Q. My bf and I had been fighting a lot. His main argument is that I have too many gay friends, and yes I do and I always have gay man friends in my life. I only go out occasionally to have drinks and talk, mainly about work since I work with them. ...
A. 29 August 2011: Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it.
You are being controlled by a weak-willed, insecure man, honey. And it's time for you to call him on his (stuff) and get outta there!
Any red-blooded straight male who is jealous of the b... (read in full...)
I don't want to get back together with my wife but I'm gutted that she's seeing someone!
Q. I have recently separated from my partner of 20 years as we have drifted apart - I caused the split as I have been very unhappy for the past year or so. Since we separated I have been living on my own and enjoying being free again. I have had a co...
A. 29 August 2011: You got what you thought you wanted and you are still not happy.
Maybe you should focus less on your (ex?)wife and more on what it is that you really want, and why you are so focused on her when you clearly have your own baggage to process.... (read in full...)
My boss and I text each other, now his wife is furious at me. Did I do something wrong?
Q. This is a strange one I'm having mixed opinions about. Basically my boss is 20 years older than me, and married... and male also! However we text back and forth just silly jokes, general day to day stuff, and sometimes just to see how each other are ...
A. 29 August 2011: Avoiding the APPEARANCE of impropriety is every bit as important as avoiding impropriety. In this case, I believe you: you probably went into this with good intentions. However, as others have noted, this is a situation that could easily be ... (read in full...)
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