A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:So my boyfriend of 8yrs decides now that he has come to his senses that he cannot be with me cuz he feels that I'm not there for him..Mind you thru infedility, mental abuse and all his other baggage he states since he can't count on me cuz he's been with me for so long and has no kids by me, I already have 2boys and if he was a trustworthy man then maybe I would have considered. This all started when his insurance terminated and being that he is a diabetic he asked me if he cannot get insurance, I'm going to have to marry him. So I told him why would I want to do that when we have been having issues..well, I guess he went and spoke to a friend and he told him that he shouldn't be with someone like me..mind you I work have myself together and right now he's on workers comp doing things I dont approve of..so he calls me this morning and tells me this cannot work out cuz he needs a girl to luv him the way he loves me and that it's only about me and my kids..is he being selfish or should I just forget about him! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Girl, RUN.
You had it right the first time. Don't marry him, stop hanging out with him, and focus on the parts of your life that you said you needed to resolve. He needs to learn to handle his own business.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (14 September 2011):
 I think your bf is just plain using you and his idea of "love" is to provide for him and just make life easier for him.
Has he had the same consideration for you? Nope. He cheated on you and abused you.
The minute he told you that you HAD to marry him showed you his true nature. The relationship is not about love, it is about convienience....for HIM.
As a Mom, think about the things you say to a kid when they have a temper tantrum. Now envision you saying those things to this man.
YOU: "I know you want the cookie,but you may not have one."
HIM: "No fair, no fair! You do not love me!"
YOU: " I do love you, but the way you are acting, you are going to be put in a time-out and sit in the corner"
Let him walk sweetie. He is doing you a favor by unloading you of that burdern.
PS. You might have some co-dependant behavior that you feel you need to put up with this kind of nonsense from a man since you have been together so long. Just research it.
I found out I was co-dependant years ago and had to learn why I permitted bad behavior from others.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): so he has cheated on you, mentally abused you...causing you to withdraw emotionally, and now he blames you for not loving him enough. And he blames you for not marrying him to give him health insurance. and when you naturally explain why you didn't want to marry him (cos, DUH, of all the things he's done) he then blames you for not caring enough about him and thus he has to leave you. He's seriously messed up. He's got this victim complex where everything is your fault, nothing is his fault. You've been pretty smart in maintaining boundaries and keeping a distance from him to protect yourself. But now the question is, what's the point in continuing a relationship where you have to protect yourself from your partner? For your kids? that's whacked out too. Your kids aren't 'married' to him, you are. You don't stay with a partner because of your kids, you stay because of the partnership. You have no partnership to speak of, just a deadweight demanding that you keep rescuing him becuase he's a professional victim. And when you rightfully refused to cross the final line (marriage, and GOOD for you for not doing it!!) he now has no choice but to leave in search of a new rescuer, some new woman who will marry him for health insurance. Be thankful that he's doing this.and by the way, kudos to you for being smart enough not to marry him. A friend of mine was in a similar situation to you except he's a guy. His gf of 9 years had a lot of 'problems' and needed him to bail her all the time, even though she kept hurting him so he stopped loving her but she kept demanding he save her and be her knight in shining armor. Finally she also demanded he marry her because she had no healthy insurance and needed his (she had quit her job and moved in with him expecting him to financially support her, which he did). He really hated her but unlike you he didn't have the guts to say no, he actually married her and now they have 2 kids. She got what she wanted but is she happy? of course not, she still invents new things that she 'needs' him to rescue her from every day, she still blames him for not doing enough for her, so he's more miserable than ever and now being legally bound to her til death do they part, his physical health is declining from the stress.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 September 2011):
 LMAO!!!!!!
Sorry, I know this is a serious question, but I almost spat my water all over my laptop when I read your post! I truly don't mean to offend you, but your boyfriend of 8 years is a real piece of work...a prime specimen of the genus asshatus.
Anyways, he's throwing a tantrum because you're "not there" for him and he "can't count" on you? Holy mother of god...he needs to go back to manipulation school because he's not good at it at *all*!
So he cheats on you, strings you along for 8 years, and mistreats you. And this Romeo's way of the clandestine romantic proposal is to find that he's behind the 8-ball with his health insurance with his condition, he OBLIGATES you to marry him?? Hah!
Seriously, you've been with this idiot for 7 years too long. I'm guessing so far that your comfort and apathy about the situation has kept you here, and now, your frustration is finally kickstarting you to do what you know you should do.
His "It's only about you and the kids"...hah! If it were, he wouldn't be trying to guilt you into marrying him. Why weren't you good enough to marry before he lost his health insurance?? This guy wants to take advantage of you.
Now, my question is...do you have the guts to make the break?? Your kids will no doubt resist the change (unless he's not nice to them), but they are resiliant. One thing they'll like, and that's a happy mom!
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female
reader, supernanny  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 FORGET ABOUT HIM!! you deserve so much better than that. Although if I was you i'd probably end up staying with him, I think if you look at it from the outside that'll probably be what will be best for you and your kids :) x
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