A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner is 41. However, he says he feels like he is 18 years old. Now thats great, as it keeps him active etc. However, the downside is that he fancies women or rather girls that are very young- I'm talking 16-18. This really creeps me out. I dont mind that he finds other women attractive, and he wont cheat but its kind of creepy that his tastes are SO young. Also, Im a young looking 25 year old (always asked for id etc) so all this makes me a bit creeped out. Otherwise, hes a lovely guy. IS this really werid? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 What is unclear to me is why you want to date someone who makes you feel old (whether by commission or omission) at 25.
Life is too short for that kind of silliness! You are at the cusp of your youth, and you should enjoy it with someone who makes you feel desired, not like a dried up prune! No matter how nice he is, the fact that you sense these behaviors from him is throwing up all kinds of red flags. Really, is he worth the trouble?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Hello there,
thank you guys for your input. He REALLY is a nice guy, very loyal I know he doesn't cheat as he works from home and is always with me. So its not that.
The reason this came up is that we sit and talk sometimes about good looking people and so I ask him to point out hot women. ITs NEVER a mature woman, he never even points out women who are in their late twenties. He has never been with a woman older than 23, I'm the first who has reached up to 25 and thats not saying much. Im very short and very young looking.
He isnt pervy, so he doesnt leer or anything but whenever he points out good looking women even on TV. So confused. Good guy, bad trait.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): If it was ok you wouldn't feel creeped out by it. I think it feels a bit 'dirty old man' type of situation. Imagine if he admitted this to some of your friends - would you be ashamed? What would they be thinking? My sister for example is 43 and she has a teenage daughter who is 17 and very pretty. If my partner said to me that he found girls 16-18 years old attractive I would be seriously disgusted. We can all be objective about a young person's attractiveness - paying them genuine compliments. But knowing someone is lusting after them sexually is a completely different matter. Trust your gut instinct.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Let me get this straight. He's 41 years old. You're a beautiful 25 year old woman at the very pinnacle of youth and beauty, yet he still wants to go younger?? He should be grateful that he's got a 25 year old! Many 41 year old guys would get a massive ego boost to have a 25 year old desire them sexually! Just look at all the rich fat cat guys out there who are in their 40's-70's who have 25 year old women as trophy wives. Donald Trump, the guy who married Anna Nicole Smith, Woody Allen, and a massive list of others.
Yet he's wanting "barely legal". I know, in the UK, 16 is the age of consent. It's creepy to me that he doesn't just simply lust over "young and healthy", but it has to be "barely legal". At the risk of jumping to a premature conclusion, it would make me think of whether or not his REAL fetish is for younger girls of the 12-14 year old variety.
Truthfully, the "I feel 18" line belongs with the same rubbish lines as "I'm a lesbian in a man's body" and "I can see you as the mother of my children" (said after 2 weeks of dating). BLECH.
I'm in agreement with the people who expressed concern for his wanting to trade you in for a newer model. I'm also in emphatic agreement with those who say that this is creepy.
Just to be clear -- I understand a man's appreciation and desire for a young woman no matter what age he's in. Beauty is beauty. I'm saying that it's creepy to want something so specific to the point of preferring that over a 25 year old at the pinnacle of beauty.
One is a natural appreciation. The other is a creepy fetish.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Yes, I would say it is some kind of fixiation on "barely legal" girls in a sad attempt to preserve his youth. Just because it is legal, does not make it RIGHT.
He may feel like 18 years old, but that is nothing to brag about! That is just another way of saying "I am really immature and I refuse to act like an adult!"
If he is fixiated on having young gf's he may decide to trade you in for a younger model later.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (14 September 2011):
 There ARE red flags here, but in the UK it is not a criminal offence, just a moral one, at 16 or over.
A former colleague of mine had a saying: "getting older doesn't prevent your appreciating young beauty, it simply expands the age ranges that you notice"!
Nothing wrong with looking, and he never acted on it. The same could be true with your partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): creepy. ...that would be enough to put me off.cx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): How do you know he won't cheat? What is his relationship history? Men who don't cheat don't go on about how there preferences are different than the person they are with. Men who don't cheat would NOT have this kind of mentality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Yes it is weird, when the practical result of his wishes is a criminal offense. REmember, you may be young now, but you won't always be, and then will he still fancy you, or trade you for another 20 year old?
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