A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a sophomore at one of the best liberal arts colleges in the US. I'm here for a major that's not so widely offered (and that's getting slashed increasingly often in budget cuts at other schools) and our open curriculum. The general atmosphere doesn't thrill me, but I am wholly in love with my tiny department.Enter my boyfriend of 2 years. He lives 400 miles away. We've been long distance from the very start--my house is 200 miles away from his house. He's 24, a community college drop-out with no job. It's becoming more and more clear that he resents me for going to school where I do. I'd love to be closer to him, but the only two 4 year colleges near him are sub-par state schools, one of which doesn't even have my major, and the other of which boasts 20k+ students (to compare, my school enrolls less than 2k). I toured it when I was a senior and absolutely hated it. He's starting to tell me that I selfishly chose to live this far away from him and that this means I don't care about him, which isn't true at all. I love him to death. But my field is basically the only thing I excel at (I've already won several awards) and I just can't see myself with a future in anything else, nor do I even think doing something else is possible at this point. He refuses to visit because it's costly (I've offered to pay half) and his car is junky. He won't fly. He doesn't want to move here. I've also told him I'm willing to try to move off campus here with him next year and that got a chilly reception too. I've told him when I move on to grad school he can live with me and we can go wherever he pleases and to that he says it's too far away. I'm starting to think he won't be happy with any decision short of me transferring to the state school. I'm just not sure I could do that-- I would be miserable and it's no understatement that my dreams and future would be impaired if not destroyed. Is there any way to work this out so that neither of us resents the other? I really love him and he says he really loves me but it seems like we just can't find a way to compromise...
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female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Dump him like a bad habit!
You are not the problem; he is.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Listen to Cindy, if you cave to his demands YOU'LL be the one with a huge resentment towards him and it will be lifelong. Follow your dreams sweetheart, if he truly loves you he would/will understand.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (14 September 2011):
You don't paint a very good or promising picture of your relationship. You would be absolutely CRAZY to significantly change your education choices based on this guy. A guy who loves you should be supporting you, and wherever possible, help you in life in the places that it are important. Such as education.Time for a reality check. Do you see a happy future with this man? I'm not saying you don't love him, cause you do - but that doesn't mean he is the guy for you.I think he needs to start showing that you, and the relationship, that they are important to him. He does this by getting a job, earning money, and using that money to come and see you. This is what any decent guy would do to show his girlfriend that he wants to show he is wants to be his best.You have an amazing opportunity ahead of you.. and dare I say it, a change in your life where you will meet so many new friends and new guys. Perhaps you need to be with a guy that has more motivation, direction and aspirations in life, whereas this current guy is just going to bring you down.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 I am afraid not- you offered already several reasonable ,workable compromises and he won't budge; he is the selfish one. I guess his plan is to work you on the sides by stonewalling and guilt - tripping you until you cave to pressure.
Please don't. We are not talking about letting him have his way about a movie choice or a pizza topping. This is your career and future ,this is the chance to make your dreams come true and reap the rewards after all the effort you made. This is, ultimately, also your future source oincome .
Boyfriends come and go ( particularly unemployed college drop out boyfriends ) but a good degree is yours forever.
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