A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a strange one I'm having mixed opinions about. Basically my boss is 20 years older than me, and married... and male also! However we text back and forth just silly jokes, general day to day stuff, and sometimes just to see how each other are now and then.Recently I got a text from his wife warning me to 'stop texting if you know what's good for you'. I text a short reply 'who's this?' as I was in shock and didn't know how to react. And I got the reply 'your sacked stay away from my husband don't txt anymore you slut'The thing is there was no flirting in the texts and I genuinely don't see anything more than friendship with this man. We get on well in work, tell jokes back and forth as we're the only lively ones who work in our place... everyone is very quiet and reserved.Was I out of order for texting him outside of work or did she blow this out of proportion? I'm not sure if she felt threatened because I just broke up with my boyfriend not long ago and maybe she thinks I'm now after her husband?I got a text from my boss an hour or so later apologizing and saying 'see you in work monday'Any ideas?
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female
reader, Who's 2 Know  +, writes (26 September 2012):
Depends....Do you know her personally? Did she know about the texting or was he hiding it from her? Did you guys text when she was around? And the final thing did he delete them as soon as he read them?You may know him through work, and may know her but you don't know their marriage history. Could be this wasn't the first time.And really, your boss is your boss. Ha ha's at work are okay but texting the person who is your boss and most likely the boss of others can create a uncomfortable work environment. You get a raise. Maybe you worked hard and deserved it. But the fact that you were texting your boss doesn't look good.One more thing, you said he apologized for her actions. Could it be that he wasn't being honest and open to her. Maybe saying to cover his ass that you were the one doing most of it he was just being nice. And apologized to her for your behavior.Two sides of a story that plays out everyday.
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (29 August 2011):
No you we're wrong for texting a married man. Their plenty of cheating spouse on here. This was just friendly text..wink wink. We all know if we put ourselves in situation ways like this, someone will get screwed in the process. You know exactly what you want and how you're going to get it. Through him, even if you have to him in order to get there. Work is work and off time is off.
If you dont want to be a homewrecker then stop.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (29 August 2011):
You didn't do anything wrong. Your boss' wife was totally out of line. They may be having relationship issues that you don't know about, which are none of your business, and she is taking them out on you incorrectly. Or she may just be insecure. You do not need to respond to that SMS if you prefer not to, you have nothing to defend against and you don't want to get caught up in an SMS war with an irrational person who might think you are after her husband.
You do not have any relationship with her, so you do not need to manage any boundaries with her. It is for your boss to manage his boundaries with her, and vice versa, you can leave that between the two of them. You do need to manage your boundaries with him though, so you can make it clear to him, as I am sure he already knows, that there is nothing more going on than you being friendly with him. There is nothing wrong with you being on friendly terms with your boss in this way, as long as he feels it is ok too. He is your boss so it is for him to determine the limits of professional conduct. We aren't robots. If he is ok with it and you are too, then it is fine.
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A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Avoiding the APPEARANCE of impropriety is every bit as important as avoiding impropriety. In this case, I believe you: you probably went into this with good intentions. However, as others have noted, this is a situation that could easily be read as something worse ... especially when the person doing the reading does not know you.Definitely stop texting your boss outside of work, and keep your distance for a while.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (28 August 2011):
It is ok to have a little friendly office banter from time to time it is not ok to move it outside the office and with your boss.
His wife is perfectly within her right to be angry at you and I think you are being very naive if you think what you are doing is harmless.
I am the same age as you and I would be furious if a girl from my partners work was texting him silly jokes etc at all hours.
You should stop all outside work contact and keep this relationship on a strictly professional level.
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (28 August 2011):
"Was I out of order for texting him outside of work"Yes, I would say so, since he is your boss. I don't think it is very professional to send silly jokes, etc, to him outside of work. It would be less inappropriate if your texts were work-related."I'm not sure if she felt threatened"I'm pretty sure she is threatened. You would be too, if you were married to someone and he was sending texts to a girl 20 years younger."did she blow this out of proportion?"Well, I would say her texts are a bit dramatic and over the top. But her being threatened is not unreasonable. If I were you, I would be respectful and limit the number of non-work related texts, and don't text him when you're outside of work. Maybe you don't see anything more than friendship with him, but how do you know he isn't interested in you? I think it is best if you try to maintain a boss-employee relationship as opposed to work buddies. If other people in your work are very quiet and reserved, you should try bringing them out of their shells ;)
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Maybe it's just me, but I don't think you two should have a friendship outside of work. He's your boss, not your best friend. Even though you may not see anything wrong with it, his wife does, and it's just better to respect her than to keep texting him jokes. Nothing wrong with that at work, but I would stop communicating with him after work. Just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): The best thing to do is stop texting him. He is welcoming your texting and even apologized for his wife, which tells me he might want to fool around with you or enjoy the attention. You are encouraging his behaviour by texting him back and forth.No need for a boss and employee to text each other outside of work or on a personal level. You have crossed the line with him. His wife has every right to be mad at you. She does feel threatened by you and with good reason. She feels you are after her husband. And you probably are. If you aren't, then tell him you are uncomfortable with texting and ask him to keep it strictly professional. A lot of hanky panky starts out with "innocent" texting, email communication etc. How would you feel if you were his wife and a woman like you kept texting your husband this way? You would tell her to buzz off, wouldn't you? Then do the same thing. Buzz off!!!! And find yourself an available man to text with, not somebody else's leftovers...
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A
male
reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (28 August 2011):
 I think the texts were just honest fun, but put yourself in her shoes for a moment. How would you feel if your husband was texting a much younger woman?
I think she is probably worried that she may lose him and feels threatened by you. I text my friends regularly and it's sometimes gotten me into trouble for the same reason.
I would just keep the relationship strictly professional and cease unnecessary texting, as it will only cause more problems and she possibly cause her to pressure him into sacking you.
I hope things work out for you and hope your work is not affected
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