A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have written here before and I have recieved great answers, now I have a new question. My boyfriend of two years and I have had a few problems when in our relationship. In the beginning of our realtionship I found out that my mother had cancer and she had a 20% chance of surviving, I really went numb and stopped communicating about 80%. Ths all happened after three months into the realtionship, my father was joyous he was already having affairs but this made it easier. I woke up out of this numbness a month later and realized my boyfriend who was there 5 days a week with me was texting excessively. I was a little shocked and taken aback, we argued about it and I found out it was to another woman he met in class earlier that month. This woman eventually became a good friend of mine, but come to find out it was mostly another woman he met at the same time that he was texting. Several arguments and months later, me trying to grasp that they might be just friends, I asked him why I have never met her when they go out one on one all the time. At this point and time I now know that her boyfriend does not like their relationship either. They fell out of touch for a few months after she told us her uncle died and did not meet me. She emailed him and told him that she stayed out of touch because she was so upset about her grandmother dying. Now he found out she is living closer to him and working at the mall. They have gone out to coffee and she told him that her boyfriend will never grow up and her relationship is basically over. Our relationship has been rocky and he gives excuses when he doesn't pick up my call or respond to my texts. No sex in two months except for two days ago, and then she texted him during it and he had to check it. He told me that she has complained to him that he doesnt text her enough and that he needs to share more with her.I wonder why she would lie about who died? I have this feeling that nothing physical has happened but emotionally they are heading strongly that way. I wanted to meet her just to put my mind to rest and he tried but she always cancelled. He wants to start the process of moving in together but I cannot do that if I am so uncertain of their relationship. Then if it's all one sided why play with fire like that?
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female
reader, amenthyst3356 +, writes (16 October 2011):
Thank you so much for your answers Him checking his text was a huge straw with me. Also, a week before that he was over and we were watching a movie he was very distant, and texting the whole time. When he apologized after about being distant was because his eyes hurt and he had a headache. That was another straw, we are going away tomorrow to my boss's cabin for a special retreat, that will be the first time I have contact with him since Friday. I think I will wait until we get back to broach it, I don't want anything ruined at my boss's cabin when he gets upset. Yeah I know they have an intellectual connection he told me himself, this was all a matter of time. Thanks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): I will tell you from experience, l became best friends with my boyfriend now when l met him years ago, he had a girlfriend, but we knew we really had feelings for each other.Long story short, he broke up with her and he and l became a couple, I think lf he ls texting her non stop, then they might have a thing going on, If you hadnt had sex in months then thats just a bad sign.If you had lt frequently, then lt suddenly stopped, l would believe that he doesnt want to have lt with you, cause hed rather have lt with her, especially lf he stopped to check his phone to text her, then thats just a big sign, l really believe she might want to have a thing with him, l mean, from the point of view as the other girl, l didnt make him cheat on his ex, cause they didnt have feelings for eachother, and thats why we got together, we knew we loved eachother and also cause he found out later that she cheated on him, so l might be totally wrong, but l dont know how trustworthy
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A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (16 October 2011):
 DO NOT move in with this guy right now. Your instinct is telling you not to do so, so don't do it.
I also strongly recommend that you revisit WHY you are dating the guy you are dating, when he apparently is so quick to involve other people (emotionally or sexually, the difference hardly matters) in your relationship. Is this really what you want out of a relationship?
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (16 October 2011):
 Several red flags jumped at me while reading your post. The fact that he HAD to check her texts after having sex with you is just shocking. Why would he be so concerned about accommodating her needs to stay in touch, even after sharing an intimate moment with you? Honestly, what else is there to say? I can't believe you wouldn't kick him to the curb after that disaster.You just found out your mother has cancer and he is too busy texting and hanging out with another woman instead of focusing on making you feel better. He's spending less time with you in all senses of the word and he sees you're not dumping him despite of it. You need to wake up and smell the coffee. You already know they share an inappropriate emotional connection, but you're just assuming that they're not physical. My bet is they are, but in either case, why would you want to be with a man whose mind is wandering to another woman? If you stay with him, you will get burned. Mark my words.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): Hey there I do have personal experience with a situation similar to yours now mine was a bit vice versa
My girlfriend was being worried about a girl I used to talk to we had deep conversations but we were only friends my girlfriend didn't think so and he freaked out and I told her that I'll stop talking to her because she will only get in the way
Ask you're boyfriend if she really means that much to him. Tell him how you feel about the situation and that you are not ready for to move in together until you are sure that this female won't be a problem. And it is a must you two meet so you and your boyfriend will be able to talk all together
Best of luck to you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): Hey there I do have personal experience with a situation similar to yours now mine was a bit vice versaMy girlfriend was being worried about a girl I used to talk to we had deep conversations but we were only friends my girlfriend didn't think so and he freaked out and I told her that I'll stop talking to her because she will only get in the wayAsk you're boyfriend if she really means that much to him. Tell him how you feel about the situation and that you are not ready for to move in together until you are sure that this female won't be a problem. And it is a must you two meet so you and your boyfriend will be able to talk all togetherBest of luck to you
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