A
male
age
,
*adsongsinger
writes:i feel like a dummy for asking but...some people, including my gf are convincing. i met a young lady half my age a year ago online. fwiw, she spoke to me first and the first few times after meeting her, when i'd go online she'd be the one to initiate conversation. we simply started as friends, 30 years difference and half a country away didn't seem like much would come of it, except good friends. i've known her now online just over a year. her parents she says have been very against her and i and told her to not give me info like a phone number at all or they'd be hurt and afraid. so, in a year it's been ims and talk using a chat room...which she talks very little and texts mostly. she will leave and be gone over night and sometimes even 2-4 days and usually on weekends. she uses the promise to her mom not to call me as why i don't hear from here, she was without internet, one night she was gone and buying a bird online using a friends phone but wouldn't use it to message me or email me saying where she was. this week she was going to an office party and would be on later that night. i didn't hear from her until the next day, a saturday evening. her gf's all wanted to stay over and then went shopping together the next day. this was at her home where she could get online and msg or email me. she said she felt like her friends were spying on her...they don't want her with me. so she just continually let's me sit and wait and wonder. i've had my fill. yesterday when she got in from shopping, she talked for a half hour and asked me to hold on, she came back saying her mom was coming over and she'd see me online later. 3 1/2 hours later she comes online. i told her i thought her mom might stay an hour but wow! she said they just talked. i said about what? for 3 1/2 hours just you and your mom sat and talked? she said yea, about everything kinda. that was it. i just said well i'm glad you're here. we were suppose to meet in september with her parents approval if we were together a year, they meet me. in late august she said her mom and dad had changed their mind and she wasn't to meet me. she doesn't mention meeting, she wont call me, she is only usually online at a late hour...2 a.m. my time. i know she's young, i have believed she really loves me, but it's time in my book for phone calls and meets or...moving on. please give a serious reply or comment. i hate to lose her but...i'm afraid it's a certainty. thanks.sss
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 I'm sorry, but it really sounds as if you're wasting your time.
I mean, she messes about as to when she's going to be able to "chat" with you via IM, chat room, etc. Have you even seen a photo of her? Has she seen one of you?
You haven't talked on the phone, so you can basically have no idea that she is who she says she is. She's 30 years younger than you - young enough to be your granddaughter - you haven't met in person, and not likely to.
Besides all that, you know, I hope, that any kind of online, Facebook, etc., email, does not become a friendship or more in reality, until you meet face to face and spend a lot of time together - numerous meetings for coffee, going on dates, and so on. Until then, it's no more than a fantasy - and all too easy to build up a much-mistaken idea of what the person on the other side of the computer is like.
(I know this, because a number of years ago, I emailed back and forth and sometimes spoke on the phone, with a man who claimed to be 47 and separated - there was more, but I won't go into that - we never met in person, and I eventually discovered by checking his email address and speaking to someone at the internet service he used, found out that his real name was something completely different to what he'd told me, his age was actually 74, and he was married. No wonder he refused to meet - and I would not have wished to anyway, after knowing the truth).
You say you're afraid to lose her - but you know, you're only "losing" something you never had to begin with.
Sorry.
A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (31 October 2011):
 OK, so the age difference in this situation is, in fact, a red herring. There are a few things jumping out at me when I read this, so I'll try to break it down as best I can:(a) You mentioned a girlfriend in the very first sentence, and then you did not mention her again in your entire post. Is your girlfriend aware that you are entertaining potential replacements for her? If you are at that point in your relationship, why are you still dating this girlfriend?(b) You are savvy enough to use a computer to get into chat rooms, but not savvy enough to realize that men such as yourself are prime targets for online scammers looking to get a few dollars here or there. You sound as if you were taking the bait, and this situation very well could have ended with you sending money off to someone you DO NOT KNOW. Please be more careful with yourself when out there on the world wide web. You really don't know that this person is who s/he says s/he is, and never forget that.But, let's say that this person IS who she says she is. That leads me to my final point:(c) I think that you think a romantic relationship was about to bloom. I posit that what actually is going on here is the convergence of two completely different people with different goals. The girl that you are describing is young, and you mention that she started the conversation. However, she also manages to avoid connecting with you beyond the conversations that you have on the internet. That tells me that she is primarily getting her needs met by the conversations that you are having.Where the conflict comes in is that you have assumed that these conversations will lead to a romantic encounter. I don't think that is ultimately what she wants, though she may be saying something different. The internet world is full of people who are long on talk and lacking in action. This lady sees you as an outlet, but I don't see that she has demonstrably taken steps to show you that she sees you as a romantic prospect.Sorry, dude.As you can see, your interactions raise more questions than answers, so I hope you do some self-reflection and figure out what it is that you really want. Good luck!
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