A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for 3 years. When we met he was going through a divorce. It was hard and his family never accepted me - there was also much baggage with the Ex. They did, and still do invite his ex to things and not me and it's always been the source of our arguments. We lived to together for a year and he couldn't afford much at the time so I helped him out. Things deterioated because he was getting foreclosed on and I couldn't bare to go through more drama so he moved out. We seemed to be always arguing. We continued seeing each other because we loved each other but things never cleared up with his parents so I just stopped participating in his family events to make a stand but I felt alone in this. I recently moved into a great new place and he wanted to move back but this time I said no, not unless we are engaged this time. He had many excuses why he wasn't ready to get engaged. He had been staying over for 4 days a week and not kicking in for groceries and it just started bothering me like things may not have changed. I cut back on his visits and said I needed a few nights to myself. Well, apparently he took that as I didn't love him or want him anymore so he recently went to a family wedding, one I was not invited to again, and it appears as though he met someone while there as I have not heard much since. I was a little upset that he even went in the first place because he never confonts his family on my behalf. My question is...should I just write him off and go on my way or should I confront him and contact him? I figure if he didn't respect me enough to tell me or break it off first, do I really owe him anything, even an email? I guess I'm looking for the mature way to handle it. This is now the 2nd boyfriend that has met someone else while we were dating and the last guy married the other woman. Is it because I dont' give into their needs and stay strong or am I a pushover?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (26 October 2011):
 I'd say you were a pushover in the beginning. You accepted a lot of his post-divorce baggage, his disinterested family and his financial situation. You even let him stay in your new place, where he was sucking your wallet drive once again. Once you caught on to his game and reduced his stay, he no longer saw the need for you. He wasn't able to use you as his personal piggy bank as he did before and is probably looking for his next victim.
Honestly, he sounds like a huge loser. If a man takes and takes financially from you, you run like hell.
A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (26 October 2011):
 He did you a favor by leaving you to mooch off someone else.
I read your post twice and not once did you mention that he did anything for you.
He does not stand up for you to his family.
He does not have a steady income and relies on you to do the financial heavy lifting.
He is not ready to commit to you.
As far as I can tell, he did as little as humanly possible in your relationship, and had he stuck around, he would continue to stand back and let you do everything without helping. Please tell me that is not what you want!
Be free to be without him! Trust me, you do not want a partner who cannot pull their own weight.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 October 2011):
Have you ever heard the phrase "... it's like clapping with one hand"????? THAT's what this "relationship" sounds like.... and YOU'RE the only one participating....
You call it "love" (You wrote: "We continued seeing each other because we loved each other...") but that's only so much fluff.... and you KNOW it. Wake up and find yourself a REAL "boyfriend"... and you'll be much happier....
Good luck...
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