A
female
age
41-50,
*tressedandtired
writes:ModNote: two adjacent related questions joined into one. I need advice. I am currently in a relationship with a married man. I am 28 and this has been going on for a little over a year. It started off as just sex but now I've fallen in love with this man. I started seeing him when my boyfriend got locked up. Now I've broken things off with my boyfriend. I know this man is not going to leave his wife even though he says he's not happy. He says he has so much invested that he can't leave right now. He says he already had one woman take everything from him and he doesn't want that to happen again. He does everything for me and gives me everything that I want. He does everything for my kids and my kids are crazy about him. He has moved me into a new home and is paying for everything. Sometimes I want to leave but can't. I never thought my feelings would get involved. I find myself thinking of only him and I don't want to see anyone else. I do not have low self-esteem and I'm very beautiful. I'm always approached by other men but I'm so much in love. I'm tired of being second. I want to be able to spend more time with him. I think she knows he's cheating because lately she wants to go everywhere with him. He can't even go to the store without her wanting to ride. I can't be mad at her though because that is her husband and not mine. I wonder if I didn't need his financial help, would I still be with him or would I have moved on already?I'm constantly looking for another job so I won't be so dependent on him. Maybe then if I keep myself busy with work and school, I won't think of him so much. Has anyone ever been through this? If you are a wife that's been cheated on you can keep your disrespectful comments to yourself because I didn't cause their relationship to be this way. The marriage was already a wreck. Does this married man really love me? We have been involved with each other over a year. He tells me he cheats on his wife because he is not happy and that he loves me. He says he can't leave her right now because he has too much money invested and if he gets a divorce due to him cheating he will lose so much. Honestly I don't think he is going to leave her. He gives me everything and pays all of my bills. We see each other just about everyday. There's just about nothing he won't do for me. I'm so in love with him I won't even date other men. It's crazy because sometimes I get so lonely but I can't find it in myself to leave him and be with anyone else. I turn down other men constantly and I feel foolish for doing this because he has a wife. When I mention dating someone else to him he gets so upset but this is not the reason that I don't date. Why does he not want me to see other men and he has a wife? I don't understand.
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female
reader, don saur  +, writes (27 October 2011):
Hi OP,
Hows things went for you and your bf so far? hope everything is well on your side.. i was just wondering what happened about your situation now and how you handle things with your bf.. as of me, still holding on and slowly letting myself go with my bf until one day i can take it and say goodbye for good.. (i hope thay day comes before its too late though)
anyways, wish you all the luck with your decision-making and what will make you happy matters most..
"Life is too short to be anything but
happy. Love deeply, forgive quickly, take
chances, give everything with no regrets
and forget the past with exception of
what you have learned and remembered
everything happens for a reason."
Unknown
D.C.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 October 2011):
 Well, you have to steel yourself and make up your mind that you will NOT be suckered by his attempts to sweet talk you into staying.
That won't be easy. Nor is anybody here saying it will.
You have to first find some other place to live - unless you are able to pay the rent and utilities completely out of your own pocket. No allowing him to help out even occasionally if you do decide to end this permanently!
You will gain even more self-esteem and your respect for yourself will be strengthened by knowing you made the right, although difficult and hard, choice. You will be acting in your own best interests.
Look at it this way: if one of your friends told you she was involved, or about to get involved, with a married man, what would you say to her?
You have to be your own advocate in this matter.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (24 October 2011):
stressedandtired is verified as being by the original poster of the question D.C., I can only imagine how you feel after 4 years. I hope I can way before I end up in this for four years. You are right, no one can really understand this unless they have been through it. It's such an easy task to pass judgement on the next person. Everybody makes mistakes, some worse than others but the fact is there is not one person on the face of this earth who is not perfect. Sometimes you fall in love with a person and know it's wrong but by then it's too late. This is not the first time I have loved a man. No, they were not married but they were not right for me. I don't care about being called a mistress, kept, or any other name. That is the least thing on my mind. Hell, I've been called every name in the book throughout this lifetime. I know what I am and no one can change what I THINK ABOUT MYSELF. I feel bad because of what I am doing not because people are saying I'm this and that. I just want to be able to stop believing the things he is telling me and find a way to move past this terrible stage in my life. I think he knows how I am feeling because I've started to back off a little so he is trying extra hard to put a smile on my face again. I'm trying to be strong, but as I've said he always knows what to say and do to pull me back in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): Hi,I met this guy who introduce himself as single when later on after more than a year with him then i found out and realised he was not and always convince and tells me hes separated, (it last more than a year cos were in long distant relationship) single or separated whatever you call it for me hes still married. i was in pain and my heart is broken into tiny pieces.. i became moody, insecure,always put pressure on him,we always fight (sometimes whole week straight) and sometimes end up to break on and off with him! inshort.. truly mesirable! i didnt see myself i will go,date and be inlove with a married man.. though he always tells me hes not happy with his marriage etc etc.. for 4 years now.. if hes not happy why theres still no sign of filing for divorce and end it??? i understand how you feel its so hard to "get out" i really hope its easy as it sounds... everyday i convince myself we have really no future together and im gonna end up waiting myself for years and years waiting for him as he always ask and to have faith in him.. as of today we are still together and 4 years is not easy to leave and forget.. BUT, i am trying myself very hard to slowly and get used of not being with him anymore.. like make myself busy getting a job, goin to the gym etc etc..my whole point here, as i consider myself a mistress, kept woman whatever u call it (painful to say) is that no matter what you do, how hard you try to be with that person i realised that if they (married man) really love "us" they would do anything to be with us like what they always say (for sure) and give us a chance and people wont see us mistress, desperate, low self esteem etc. but for 4 years he never do anything even a sign of getting a divorce! your still in your 1 yr with him... try your best to stay out while you still can.. its gonna be very painful the longer it takes.. i know i am not in the position to tell u what to do but u wouldnt come in this site if u have no problem and not happy and wont seek for advice... i feel you and i can relate so much but we deserve more and better. you wouldnt want to grow old alone and still in that position with him arent you? the decision will still be all up to you... good luck and wish u all the best!let us informed hows things went for youD.C.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (24 October 2011):
Oh ho. So you think he's not "paying you" for sex because you tell us you can refuse to have sex with him when he comes over and he'll just lay in bed with you, do you?
Alright then: why don't you tell him "no more sex" and stick to it and see where that gets you?
You also said you don't think you're using him for money because "I seldom ask him for anything." So: you DO in fact sometimes (even if very rarely) ask him for things. You think I'm nitpicking, I'm sure, but you know "seldom" is not the same as "never."
Alright then: DON'T ask him for anything. In fact, if he asks what you need, or tries to give you money, REFUSE it point blank.
You keep telling us that "I'm not the one who.....nags him to death, etc." BUT YOU are the one who is cheating on his wife with him. The truth is, it MIGHT be some other woman if it wasn't you, but it IS you. You are as guilty as he is and refusing to face up to the fact that you are in the wrong here. He DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU. His place is with his wife - or if he chooses, he should get a divorce. He hasn't. Like it or not, these are the cold hard facts. You're wasting your time.
Oh - but of course, how stupid of me to forget one small detail - you "love" him. That's why you won't give him up and do the decent thing.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (23 October 2011):
stressedandtired is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo,I don't want to waste my time waiting that's why I'm not. I'm not waiting for him to leave her. I'm trying really hard not to continue doing this. But it's not so easy to stop loving someone over night. If any of you have ever been in love, I'm sure you didn't love a guy today and hate him the next. There have been many times when I have told myself I'm not going to see him anymore but I can never stay mad at him. Yes, he's a liar and a cheater but he has other good qualities. He always knows what to say and do to make me feel better and then I find myself drawn back into this. Yes, he may be manipulating me because I've always been so open with him that he knows exactly what to say. I've put myself in her position a thousand times and I know if she finds out it will hurt deeply. But yet I still can't seem to pull myself away. Putting myself in her shoes didn't work so what's the next step? I haven't called him once today and it's been harder than I thought it would be. I know I've gotten myself into a terrible situation but I can't turn back the hands of time even though I wish I could.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (23 October 2011):
stressedandtired is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, my kids do not know that he is married. And no, he has no kids with his wife. They both already had kids before marriage and they are grown. Anyway, I don't know exactly what to do that's why I'm here. No, I do not have any VENOM against his wife or the woman before her. I don't really know neither of them like that and do not care to know them. I only can go by what he tells me in which I've stated that I feel some of the things he tells me are not true. As for keeping him on a tight leash, really there's no need to try and keep a leash on anyone because when someone wants to do something they will find a way to do it regardless of efforts being made to stop them from doing it. Thanks everyone for your advice. I already knew the type of comments I would get which doesn't really bother me at all because I know in my heart it's wrong. But feel free to continue to lash out if you please. It may be what I need to hear. MUUUUUUAAAAH!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): Wow OP WOW!!! Such strong opinions about his wife and the "status" of his marriage. Sadly you have a typical case of Denial!
Of course the wife has to keep him on a tight leash: these women around who care nothing about his marital status. As long as he pays the bills in exchange of sex then its all hunky dory.
OP what exactly do you want? What advise you are seeking exactly?
Although u deny it, u do suffer from poor self esteem. And poor relationship choices. Yes u are extremely beautiful and yes u use this beauty to entice men: in this case it is a married man. What about the kids? What role model are u? Your kids already know that mums got a married man to pay her bills and keep her in the lap of luxury.
I don't feel sorry for his wife. Its u I feel sorry for. In denial, justifying your actions. I loved your second update: seems like the wife is forced to proactive bec lover boy loves to flaunt his money and uses it to get his women.
OP if u really had your sh1t together u wouldn't be bought: this man has bought u and since he is footing the bills he expects u to stay faithful to him. Very simple.
Yes u already have a preconceived notion of your life with him. Watch that its not a false perception of yourself.
4 years and well u on the side. Anyone else? I see that u also have venom against the woman he had before his wife. So all these women had faults but not loverboy??
From your updates it is apparent that u will not stay away from your cash cow. So no matter what anyone says you will ignore, justify and do as you please.
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): You say his wife allegedly keeps him on a tight schedule with no time for him to do stuff he wants to do? (his words remember)
So I guess that means you rarely see him as he has no time - owing to the demands of his wife?
When his wife has had enough and takes him to the cleaners you may get him....then spend years wondering where he is when he's not with you.....
If your so beautiful then don't waste your best years on a married man cos before you know it you will be old and he WILL find a replacement
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (23 October 2011):
If you're not concerned that he won't leave his wife then why does it matter if he loves you or not?
When my cousin was married and her husband was cheating on her with all sorts of women, he told them all sorts of untrue stories about her. Like YouWish mentioned about him not telling you the full truth about his wife; he's not going to tell you his wife is actually sweet and caring but doesn't wipe his butt after he takes a dump and that's why he cheats on her. If he lies to her, what makes you think he doesn't lie to you?
I know you think you're so pretty, but that isn't what necessarily makes a person insecure all the time. There's something INSIDE you that makes you think you should settle for this, not to mention with the "winner" you were with before. You are also trying to rationalize why this is all okay even though you know it's wrong. Whatever is wrong in their marriage is between THEM, not them AND you. And yes, you're just as responsible for him cheating--if there's no one there for him to cheat on, well then I guess, he wouldn't be able to cheat, right?
Obviously, you came here for advice because you're probably thinking you need to decide what you want to do maybe? There's more than just "does he love me?" How would are we supposed to know? We're not him. But from the looks of it, he doesn't love you enough to leave his wife, so where does that leave you? If you love someone you want to be with them (you for example, don't want another man, you just want to be with him), so obviously he doesn't love you the way you love him; otherwise, he would be with you.
If you thought you were better than being someone's side job, then you wouldn't be pining over him. So you can look in the mirror and tell yourself you're pretty all day long, that doesn't mean that you have it together in your head. Being 28 and relying on some married man to take care of you and your kids isn't a very clear sign of a secure, independent woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): Your situation is the mirror of mine. He does have feelings for you no doubt but no amount of feelings will make him leave his wife- ive done your situation for 5 years now and it just gets more miserable. Go with your gut instinct. Get a second job and keep busy- get out now.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Man are you in serious denial about your role in this situation.
You have sex because you "choose" to? Let's test that, shall we? How about you refuse to do everything sexual with him for good. Just stop cold turkey. Don't let him touch you, don't take off a shred of clothing, and don't touch him in any way.
Watch the money dry right up. Think he's giving you money out of the goodness of his heart? No way! He pays you for the sex. I'm sure there's a bit of his paying for your silence as well, but don't think that he'll continue supporting you if you stop having sex.
You are being paid. If you "choose" to stop having sex, then he will eventually "choose" to support someone else financially who WILL have sex with him.
You are in no financial position and vulnerable to a cutoff because you can not live on your own two feet now. If you have the choice, you should choose to stop taking his money.
So the whole idea about "choice" is simply a lie. You are lying to us...and mostly yourself. It's interesting that you describe his relationship with his wife as the business deal, yet he pays you for sex. Sounds like he owns you, not her. He can dump you instantly and you'd be out on your ear.
Also, don't you ever say that his WIFE is responsible for his cheating and your involvement. This is two people...you and him. The two of you are responsible. He chased you to commit adultery, and you agreed. His wife has no hand in his behavior, because if she were making him unhealthy, he could do the honorable thing and end the relationship so that he can pursue you.
And understand, you are drawing an opinion of his wife from what he has told you. His words are worthless. I say again...his words are WORTHLESS. Do you think that he'd tell you that she is kind and understanding? No way! He has to rip her apart with his words so that you would have sex with him. Painting his wife as a sympathetic and good woman makes it harder to get a woman to have sex with a married cheater. Most women would rather lick dirt than cheat.
He married her. He is staying with her. If he were truly treating the marriage as a business deal, he can end the deal, get a really good lawyer with the money he's been shoveling to you, and maintain some of his holdings.
But do not blame the wife. She is innocent. His reaction to how he feels she's treating him could have been counselling, investing in the marriage and the emotional factors, NOT skirt chasing after he tied the knot. Come on. They've been married a short time. There's no justification in his cheating. He wanted to stray, so he did.
Truthfully, if you're fine with cheating, devastating a man's wife, getting paid for sex with this married man behind his wife's back, and you can sleep like a baby at night, then you've got real issues.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): I don't think this is a good relationship for you and I think you know that and you're not happy with it or you wouldn't be here asking for advice about whether he loves you or not and whether or not you should date other men. When someone loves you you know it. When you're happy and guilt free you know it and it feels good.
He pursued you after he married his wife, do you respect him for that? How would you feel if he were your husband pursuing someone else?
I don't think you really love him, it's probably just a chemical attachment combined with financial neediness. Ask yourself if you really respect him in this situation. As you said, you come second and your attention and your “devotion” are paid for. If it's not really paid for then get a job to support yourself and your children fully and see if you want to be with him then. You're being controlled by his financial power- it's not a free choice for you to be with him.
The only happy basis for a healthy relationship is out in the open, no cheating/lies, and when it's your choice to be there because you want to be not because you are in need financially. When you do damage to someone elses relationship, you're damaging yourself too.
I think your self esteem is low to put yourself in this position. Physical beauty is not a guarantee of healthy self esteem. Over time you could end up in a really bad place emotionally and financially due to this relationship, so I would start trying to find a way out of it now. Don't waste your chances to find a real relationship with someone who doesn't want to control you with money and who isn't cheating/lying to someone he made vows with. You don't know the whole story of their relationship- only what he tells you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 October 2011):
Oh, by the way....I agree with you that you didn't "cause" his marriage to be that way. HE caused the marriage to be that way with his cheating.
But that's another huge piece of evidence that your self-esteem is absolutely trashed. You were with a guy who ended up in jail, and now you date a worthless cheater?
What person with good self-esteem would touch your married man with a 10-foot pole who pays for sex?? Nobody.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (23 October 2011):
stressedandtired is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't see it as being paid for sex because I don't have to have sex with him. I choose to. He is perfectly fine with just taking me out or coming over and laying in bed holding me. Yes, he most likely will deny what he is doing to stay with her. But I expect that because if I were married and cheating, I'd do the same. I don't expect for him to leave her at all. I don't think I'm using him for money because I seldom ask for anything. He gives it to me. He constantly ask if I need anything. And I guess I have a 104 temp and not sick because I'm perfectly fine with who I am.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 October 2011):
You are a kept mistress.
You will always be his dirty little secret.
Your position is extremely tenuous because once his wife finds out about you, you're cut off.
Think about what he is paying for. You said it was "just sex" and now you have feelings mixed into this. What do you think he's going to say to her when she finds out about you?
I'm not talking about the flowery crap he says to you now, I'm talking about what's about to come out of his mouth when confronted by his wife. Let me give you a hint:
"It's just sex. It meant nothing to me. She means nothing to me. You're my wife and I love you. I promise to never see her again. Do you think I could marry someone like her when I've got you?"
Think it won't happen? It has with many other cheating husbands, over and over and over again. That's what they do. That's what they say in desparation when they see their marriage going down in flames.
A married man's words are useless.
You say that you don't suffer from low self-esteem. That's like someone with a 104 degree fever and spotty vision saying that they're not sick. You show all the symptoms of extreme low self-esteem.
Someone with high self esteem:
1. Would not take money from married men for sex.
2. Would not sleep with someone for the money to care for their kids.
3. Would never date a cheater at the cost of devastating someone else's wife.
This is your life. You're using him for money. You rationalize it by saying that you're caring for your own kids, but there really is no rationalization, no respect, and no security.
You need an exit strategy. Take the time and look for a job. Use your beauty and your credentials to secure an income that isn't so precarious, because once his wife finds out about you, and that's only one call to a private investigator away, you're done.
He doesn't want you to see other guys because he's paying you to be exclusive. Again, you're a kept woman. You are not in a relationship. You are his long term escort whose services he's paying. You seeing another guy is a career ender for you.
Think you can handle that arrangement? I doubt it, but you are celibate and dead to the world while you're in his employ. Doesn't matter that he has a wife. You're NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. He pays you for sex. All the flowery words he's said to you enhances the "girlfriend experience", but mark my words....you will be ditched and cut off if he gets bored, loses money, or his wife finds out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): I use to be in the same situation. My advice-MOVE ON! If he is willing to cheat on his wife... He will cheat on you if he ever leaves his wife. Most likely he won't leave his wife either. Know you're better then being second! You should want to be the one and only and find someone who makes you feel that way. Trust me~I'm insecure with myself but never again will I be with someone who cheats. Look at this as experience and add it to your list of who NOT to date. He sounds like a manipulator and loves that you're making his life easier. You are basically letting him have his cake and eat it too. And you are boosting his ego when you should have a guy cater to your needs!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): I don't think this is a good relationship for you and I don't think you really love him, it's probably just a chemical attachment. Ask yourself if you really respect him in this situation. As you said, you come second and you're attention is paid for basically. You're being controlled by his financial power- it's not a choice for you to be with him. The only happy basis for a relationship is out in the open, no cheating/lies, and when it's your choice to be there. I think your esteem is low to put yourself in this place. Over time you could end up in a really bad place emotionally and financially due to this relationship, so I would start trying to find a way out of it now. Don't waste your chances to find a really good relationship with someone who doesn't want to control you with money and who isn't cheating/lying.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (23 October 2011):
stressedandtired is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you are right. I am in his home even though he does not live here. And yes he has a wife to cook, clean, and have sex with. But I would not say that he has bought me and owns me. It's more like he owns his wife and she is his property. She is the one who HAS to deal with his cheating. She knows what he is doing and knew what he was doing before me. That's something she feels she has to accept. I can walk away from him with no ties when I choose to do so. And yes, I do love him that's why it makes the situation so complicated and hard to walk away from. I don't feel I'm making their relationship worse than what it was. He had already decided what he wanted to do before we started doing this. He was already unhappy. If it wasn't me, it would very well be someone else. I'm not the one who causes her to nag him to death. I'm not the one who causes her to be too busy for him. I'm not the one who keeps her from being a caring and understanding wife. I'm not the one who keeps him on a schedule and doesn't allow him to have time to himself and do the things he enjoyed doing before they got married. I'm not the one who is treating a marriage like a business deal instead of a relationship.All this was going on from the beginning. Yes, I may be wrong but I'm not the only one to blame. All three of us are.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (22 October 2011):
You know he's not going to leave his wife for you. Indeed, why SHOULD he? He has you at his beck and call, whenever he wants you, plus all the "comforts" of home: another woman (his lawful wife) to have sex with, to cook and clean for him, plus go out with him.
By paying all your bills he has basically "bought" you.
You made an unwise choice in getting involved with a man who broke the law and went to jail. You've made another unwise choice in having an affair with a man who is not free to have a real relationship with you. He is cheating -or, to put it more bluntly, he's betraying his marriage vows made to his wife by going outside his marriage whether for sex or an emotional affair which, even if sex were not involved, would still be cheating. You are aiding and abetting in his cheating, and are as guilty in that sense as he is.
That you claim to be so in love with him is no excuse. He belongs to her, not you - as you correctly observe, he's her husband, not yours. And, while maybe you didn't CAUSE their marriage to be so unhappy, while you associate with him, you sure aren't helping it to be better!
You say you are tired of being second fiddle. Well, the fact is, you will always be second fiddle while you're with him.
Alright: he's put you in a another house, paid your bills, so presumably you must have been able to save some money that way? So now: end it with him and make an honest woman of yourself; i.e., act in your own best interests! Try to get a part-time job in addition to the one you now have, if you can, and/or look at your spending and see if there isn't room to cut out a few things you don't really need. Think about taking in a lodger or roommate. Clip coupons - if you aren't already doing these kinds of things, and maybe you are.
Stand on your own two feet! Once you break off with this man, take some time to be on your own, and think about your life and your choices. Learn from this experience. Don't rush to find another man who will help pay your bills!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): He doesn't want you seeing other men because he has paid for you and owns you lock stock and barrel
You live in his home, he does/pays everything for you and then goes home to his wife. I reckon he cheated on his first wife and would probably do it to whoever he was with.
I don't think he loves you he probably loves you being there for him to see, a beautiful woman he has bought.
If you love him and cant let go then you will have to accept the situation, let him pay for you and hope he can stay interested and not replace you with a new model - leaving you and your children high and dry.
Or you can find a way to support yourself and not be dependant, date other men and find one who is there for you 100%.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (22 October 2011):
stressedandtired is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never said he was married before. He was with someone who used him up. He gave her everything and she was never satisfied. After her he met the woman he is married to now. This is his first marriage. I'm not concerned about him leaving her because I know he's not. I don't even have that conversation with him. I only listen to him when he's upset with what's going on in his marriage. I knew him before he got married and he tried to pursue me then but I was already in a relationship myself. He has been married for four years and even after marriage the pursuits never stopped. We became friends and things just happened. Like I said, I never thought things would go this far. Yes, I know what I am doing is wrong, but it's hard to leave because of what I feel for him. Oan, I said married women who have been hurt can keep their comments because I don't need them lashing out at me because they're husband cheated. That has nothing to do with me. They should address that with their husband or ex or whatever he may be at this point. Oan, yes I am a beautiful woman that doesn't need that to be justified by any man. I see myself in the mirror daily and I love what I see. Thanks for your input though.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 October 2011):
So you know what you're doing is wrong because you don't want "disrespectful comments" from married women. Well I'm not married but you probably won't like some of my comments.
If you had high self esteem like you say you do, then you wouldn't settle for being second to a married man that you claim to be so in love with.
He could have some love for you, but he doesn't love you the way that you want him to love you. He is your sugar daddy. You give him what he wants and he gives you what you want (minus the committment), which is money.
He doesn't want you to see other men because obviously he's selfish--he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Honestly, you should not be concerned about whether or not he leaves his wife because even if he ever did leave her for you (which he probably won't), you know that he would do the same thing to you. You always lose them how you got them.
Besides that, you mentioned that he had been married before and she took him for everything he had? I would bet it was because he did her wrong, just like what he's doing to his wife now. For all you know, he left his first wife for the one he has now!
If you had the self esteem like you say you have and the strength to move on for this man, then you would do it. You're settling for someone that does not want you the way that you want them. Stop wasting your time and find someone who's single and will love you the way you want to be loved.
He doesn't love you the same way you love him and he doesn't want you to see other men because he's selfish and then someone else will have his play thing's attention.
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reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (22 October 2011):
 The answer to your last question is this: he does not want you to date other men because he bought you with his money, and now he owns you and your time. He wants you to be available all of the time, because he has no idea when he can see you so he wants all of your time.It's a fine arrangement in the short term, but what happens if you spend too much time on this guy? You said it yourself: he's never going to leave his wife. And even if he does, what sort of prize have you gotten? You've gotten yourself a man who has demonstrated that when the going gets tough, the man gets going on to a younger partner.The unspoken risk of this arrangement is that if you spend too much time on this guy, you will find yourself older and less likely to find someone who is willing to give his whole self to you instead of just his wallet. The other unspoken risk here is, depending on where you live, you could find yourself on the business end of a lawsuit if you are not careful. Look up "alienation of affection" sometime, and keep in mind that you don't have to live in the states in question to be subject to a lawsuit. Many spurned wives have moved to these states temporarily solely for the purpose of filing subpoenas against mistresses in other states. Again, if your cheater has access to money, that means that his wife has access as well and could use it against you if she finds out.You don't even sound all that enamored with this guy, so my question to you would be to ask why you are even with him in the first place.Lastly, as to the question of whether he loves you, I would ask: why does it matter? What does love mean when one is in such a one-sided relationship? And before you protest that your relationship is not one-sided, ask yourself why you are not free to see other people and yet he is free to see you, his wife, and anyone else he wants. (And yeah, don't be too surprised if other mistresses are involved.)
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