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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I really like this guy but dating him is turning into a nightmare because of his ex
Q. Recently I have started seeing a guy who lives in my town. I moved here last summer, and I met him through a few of the people I have become friends with at my work place. I was instantly attracted to him when I first met him but at the time he h...
A. 18 August 2015: The only person that can fix this is your boyfriend. He has to take control and block her and cut her off.
IF he does NOT do that.. and he "allows" her to call, text, visit etc.. then he is party to this behavior.
All he has to do is bloc... (read in full...)
Is this guy a keeper or a loser?
Q. Hello. I met a guy over the internet who is said to be a guy i used to go to school with his cousin. It started by me seeing the guy on my ex classmate's profile picture then i asked him to hook me up. He gave me his number then it went on from the...
A. 18 August 2015: ANYONE who says they love you having NOT Met you is not someone who understands love.
I would meet him. IN public. and gradually get to know him.
IF it's been over a year and it's taken this long to set up a meeting then he's not re... (read in full...)
Is he taking things slow to get to know me with a view to having a relationship?
Q. Hi I've posted before about man I used to be Fwb with, he asks me round now and we hang out, I think he purposely doesn't sleep with me like he is proving doesn't want Fwb as I declined it. But I stay over and we cuddled all night is he taking ...
A. 17 August 2015: NO one but he knows why he's doing this.
IF you are just friends then why are you sleeping over and cuddling all night? would you do that with a girl friend?
who ended the sex you or him?
he may be biding his time till you cave...... (read in full...)
I finally told her how I felt and it's like I'm the bad guy. Did I do wrong? Should I have just walked away?
Q. I have a situation that I'm not sure about. I have a girl best friend of eight years. This past year I started to develop feelings for her. I waited until she was single to tell her how I felt. Before I told her she would give me mixed signals, ...
A. 17 August 2015: IN my opinion you did the right thing.
You told her how you felt. How very brave of you. Good Job.
Sadly, she did the right thing too sort of. She has stopped contact but did not tell you why she stopped it.
IF you feel like you ... (read in full...)
Know of any books on relationship building?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, Can you give me the names of any books that will talk about how a couple should build a relationship from their first introduction to their marriage? Sorry, but I do not want your advice. I want the name of a book to rea...
A. 17 August 2015: http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Book-Couples-Relationship/dp/0893340480
https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/relationship-building
http://www.li... (read in full...)
I broke up my marriage via text, how to pick up the pieces and what to do from here?
Q. I just ended our marriage over the stupidest of things. I was out all day celebrating my moms birthday with my second son. I camme home at 730 to find my dh w a friend over, our kids dirty from playing outside, not bathed or fed dinner and a mess in ...
A. 17 August 2015: I am sure that this fight will be resolved.
I have ONE question for you... when you left that morning did you let your husband know what you expected of him?
"honey I'm taking second son out with mom today, while I'm gone can you do a,... (read in full...)
Are her values too at variance with mine for me to consider an ''official'' relationship?
Q. Hey, been courting/dating a girl for 4 months. Nothing to full on but we do have a sexual relationship, looks like things are on the way to being a "official" relationship. Just found out she had a one night stand before we met. (I'm not judging ...
A. 17 August 2015: Sadly we can't change your mind on the fact that having sex with someone over a long period of time without a commitment is still FWB.... you would rather call it dating or courting... go right ahead.
and yes you ARE judging her.
and yo... (read in full...)
Is my mother and law driving a wedge between my husband and I? Because since my miscarriage I feel like leaving my husband.
Q. My husband and I just lost our first child through miscarriage, and while my family have been supportive and giving us time, his mother has driven us apart and he can't see any of what she is doing as wrong. First, she told my brother in law a...
A. 17 August 2015: As the mother of an adult son who is married to a pregnant woman (his baby) I feel badly for your MIL. All she wants to do is love you and her son and your children.
I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is painful. A miscarri... (read in full...)
Why does he seem to have so much rage?
Q. Im in need of relationship help.... Heres the problem: Ive been with my guy for almost 3 years now. And just like any relationship there are arguments that happen. My guy has a problem with me "being real / speaking my mind" but that's just the type...
A. 17 August 2015: The ONLY thing YOU can do is get out. l
He's mistreating the one person on his side. I live with this my husband is emotionally stagnant at age 12. He needs therapy and help and is not willing to do the hard work to get better.
I... (read in full...)
Help. I need advice and how to keep control please? Virgin and Penis problems.
Q. I am 22 and have a girlfriend.. bt when ever I am with her.. my penis keeps erecting and. its embarrassing.. I to leak a juice.. also I am virgin and she too is.. bt erectinf infront of her is very embarrassing.. can anyone please help how to cont...
A. 17 August 2015: it's perfectly normal...
nothing you do will change this
wear good underwear and don't wear tight pants it won't be as noticeable.... (read in full...)
My wife claims to be bisexual but I'm not sure. Does my wife owe me an explanation?
Q. Hi and thanks in advance for taking the time to read my question. I am a married man in my 30s. My wife is supposedly bi-sexual(although I have never seen evidence). When we first met we actively sought out single women to join us in the bedroom, ...
A. 17 August 2015: The problem is you feel "owed" like Sex is something that is measured out and is fair and even. It's not.
I am bisexual. I have told my husband this but I have not acted on it since we have been together. Does not mean I'm not bisexual... (read in full...)
Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...
A. 17 August 2015: Sex for women gets BETTER after 35.... not worse... ... (read in full...)
Am I being dangled?
Q. Am I being dangled? I met a guy recently on a dating site. He's a older guy and at first seemed gentlemanly. His profile stated he wanted long term nothing casual. We got chatting and took it offline, not long into this he sends me a spooning meme ...
A. 17 August 2015: he is keeping you on the back burner in case the girl he is really interested in falls through.
he's a time waster.... (read in full...)
Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...
A. 17 August 2015: IF you have to ask advice on it, then no you are NOT ready to lose your virginity.
... (read in full...)
How can I tell my sister in law to stop discussing these things with my husband?
Q. "hi, my husband's sister feels possessive about him, they are very close and my husband is a doctor. she talks about bra, nipples and takes suggestion from him about sex, it is normal to have such talks even when I said I'm feeling discomfort by h...
A. 17 August 2015: have you discussed with your HUSBAND that this bothers you?
would it bother you if it was his BROTHER having this conversation with him?
... (read in full...)
Does the length of the relationship mean its love or can it still be only about sex?
Q. My 48yr. Husband of 15 years has been having problems obtaining and keeping and erection for the past year. Sometimes he gets and keeps it but then he can't orgasm. I figure its due to his age. So I have been understanding. But I over heard a phone ...
A. 17 August 2015: OP, I'm concerned about your reply as well. Whether or NOT he is in it just for the sex is not the issue.
WHY are you OK with accepting this abuse? He lies to you, he's cheating on you physically and emotionally.
DO YOU NOT DESE... (read in full...)
Should I unfriend and cancel all contact with my ex-boyfriend?
Q. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last April and moved on. But we are still friends on Social Networking Sites. Now I am in relationship with a person who understands me better and is very honest too. I love him very much and is 100% honest to hi...
A. 14 August 2015: I am not one to stay friends with ex partners.
I am friendly with them.
If you feel the need to "unfriend" your ex on social media then go ahead and do it...
if you didn't want to cut contact and he wanted you to how would you feel?
... (read in full...)
His preference for 50:50 on everything is making me feel more like a mate, than really special to him. Is my concern justified?
Q. I have been dating my bf 2 months officially. The first month he was paying for almost everything and I felt like a real lady. Now things have started to be split 50:50. He recently invited me on function with his mates and the cost was $150 pe...
A. 14 August 2015: So if you define how a person feels about you by spending money on you and not splitting it 50/50 what does HE do to define your love? since you spending money on him is not your choice....
if you are working then you need to be pulling ... (read in full...)
My fiance wants total control of our lives and I don't think I can handle that
Q. I have been through a lot in the past three years with my fiance, we have been fighting about our finances. I am more of a saver, and he is more of an investor. I say investor because he has this "vision" of being successful. Howver, I feel as ...
A. 14 August 2015: I think that your two have totally different money styles and therefore are incompatible for life partners.
It's good he moved out.... cancel the engagement, dis-entangle your money from his, continue to see him and ate him and spend time w... (read in full...)
Is it appropraite for a guy to bring two of his friends on a first date with a girl?
Q. Is it appropraite for a guy to bring two of his friends on a first date with a girl? I met a guy for the first time on a proper date and he brought two of his male friends like a group date. I told him off straight. I am so angry. Is this even right ...
A. 14 August 2015: unless it was discussed before the date and agreed to by both parties then NO showing up with friends in tow is not cool....
... (read in full...)
Does the length of the relationship mean its love or can it still be only about sex?
Q. My 48yr. Husband of 15 years has been having problems obtaining and keeping and erection for the past year. Sometimes he gets and keeps it but then he can't orgasm. I figure its due to his age. So I have been understanding. But I over heard a phone ...
A. 14 August 2015: I am sure that if you want to stay married to a lying cheater that you can.
IF he was going to leave you for her he would have left already.
my aunt was a mistress for a man for 25 years. He never left his wife for her.... she was his ... (read in full...)
Why do my boyfriend's parents care so much about my educational background?
Q. I am a 22 year old woman in a relationship with a 24 year old man. We love each other but are complete opposites when it comes to educational background. I did not go to college, while he has a masters degree. His parents both have doctoral de...
A. 14 August 2015: IN the US it's expected that folks will continue with their education in order to further their lives.
I never assumed my one child would go to college he is disabled emotionally, but my other son, not only was it expected, my father made sur... (read in full...)
I can't see myself with anybody else, but she haas a boyfriend!
Q. I'm a 59 yr. old man.my wife passed away 22 months ago.i met a much younger woman about a year after my wife passed.i immediately had a liking for her although i know i wasn't ready for a relationship.so as time progressed i began to like her more ...
A. 14 August 2015: I agree with Honeypie 100%.
She has a boyfriend and she knows how you feel so she is making it clear that she is NOT interested in you as a love interest.
IN addition what YOU believe about her potential is just that YOUR personal belief.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...
A. 14 August 2015: If you are afraid of him then contact the police or a local woman's shelter to get assistance with moving. The police will probably send two officers to supervise you moving out.
Consider getting a court order for protection that forbids him ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going to a wedding where his ex will be there, I'm not going but not feeling good about the situation
Q. My boyfriend has been invited to a wedding without me and his ex will be there. I've fallen out with him about his ex many times because I've found out that he's gone to see her behind my back and lied about it, repeatedly. When I found out that...
A. 13 August 2015: Remember OP, Jealousy is an emotion that is rooted in insecurity. IF you are not a normally insecure person, then there is something about this relationship your bf and his ex have that sets off your "red flag" radar. TRUST that feeling.
To ... (read in full...)
I need help to convince my girl to give me another chance after a rough break-up. Help, what can I do? or say?
Q. I broke my gf heart when I left her for six month and now I feel horrible because I felt what i did to her. A week ago she told me she met someone new. I am devastated, I only left her because I was in so much pain from my grandmother and father d...
A. 13 August 2015: What do I think?
I think you are not living in reality and in 30 days when you attempt to contact her and find out she's still seeing the new LDR guy you will be right back here going "NOW what"
wish her well... let her know you will always ... (read in full...)
Why do most guys like big boobs so much?
Q. Why do most men (especially guys my age...) like big boobs so much? As I see it, it's just extra fat! And last time I checked, for men, too much fat is bad. I have small breasts and feel so inadequate. Breasts are so "out there" (unlike a penis - ...
A. 13 August 2015: FWIW to those that do not know... breasts are just OVERSIZED specialized SWEAT Glands and milk is specialized SWEAT....
oh and since BREASTS are for FEEDING our babies... the SIZE has NO BEARING on their ability to do their JOB.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?
Q. Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...
A. 13 August 2015: the fact that you met him at a party and he knows a mutual friend does NOT change my answer.... (read in full...)
I need help to convince my girl to give me another chance after a rough break-up. Help, what can I do? or say?
Q. I broke my gf heart when I left her for six month and now I feel horrible because I felt what i did to her. A week ago she told me she met someone new. I am devastated, I only left her because I was in so much pain from my grandmother and father d...
A. 12 August 2015: I do not think you have a shot of ever "winning her back"
but you do need to respect her and leave her alone.
Being friends will work FOR HER because she is over you...being friends will NOT work for you because you want her back.
UN... (read in full...)
Why do most guys like big boobs so much?
Q. Why do most men (especially guys my age...) like big boobs so much? As I see it, it's just extra fat! And last time I checked, for men, too much fat is bad. I have small breasts and feel so inadequate. Breasts are so "out there" (unlike a penis - ...
A. 12 August 2015: I was a 48DDD at one point. I was obese.
I had surgery I lost weight
My boobs collapsed and I had a mastopexy which is a lift with no implants... I had these lovely 34B boobs for about a year.
I have gained weight and now I am back up to a 40D... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...
A. 12 August 2015: Slavery (the owning of another person) was abolished in the UK in 1833. He does NOT and cannot own you.
WANTING TO HURT YOU??? how is that love? how is that respect? how is that HEALTHY?
that weird sick feeling in your stomach is your ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?
Q. Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...
A. 12 August 2015: DO NOT stay with him.
IF you want to meet him, get your own room in a hotel and do not tell him which one. DO NOT get into a car with him or go to a hotel room with him.
YOU may not INTEND to have sex but one thing leads to another and... (read in full...)
I need help to convince my girl to give me another chance after a rough break-up. Help, what can I do? or say?
Q. I broke my gf heart when I left her for six month and now I feel horrible because I felt what i did to her. A week ago she told me she met someone new. I am devastated, I only left her because I was in so much pain from my grandmother and father d...
A. 12 August 2015: What you do is take this experience and learn from it.
Just because you are hurting does not make you weak. And as a partner your then gf would have supported and helped you.
You made a bad choice. But you made a choice and you have to live... (read in full...)
My girlfriend knows our relationship is one sided but does nothing to change it. Should I end things?
Q. Okay so this is a short question. I do everything for my girlfriend. I cook for her, drive her, buy her things, etc and I feel she does little in return. On a few occasions she has even said I know I do nothing to contribute, does that bother you? I ...
A. 30 July 2015: She ASKS you if it bothers you and you shrug it off.
You need to be saying YES it bothers me...what can we do to fix it?
She's ASKING you how to fix it.
Get a copy of the book "the 5 languages of love" or go to the website and... (read in full...)
What can I do about my hunch that I should leave my great Gf?
Q. I've been with this girl for 5 months -known her for 8-. I was dubious of having a real relationship with her at first because I didn't feel as much for her as I did for other girls I've been in love with, but things just happened and here I am. ...
A. 30 July 2015: do not base staying with her on what her reaction will be when you end it.
YOU will not be responsible for her reaction or her depression.
No she won't take it well but you have enough concerns that I think ending it might be better for ... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my Bf is asking for ''space'' when it's all been going so well?
Q. My question: Should I be concerned about my boyfriend asking for space when everything has been going so well? Also, did I respond in a good way when he asked for space? Background information: I have been in a LDR for a few months with a ma...
A. 30 July 2015: The anxiety sucks doesn't it. When my now husband and i were LDR he went no contact on me but without the whole "I need space" since we were FWB/NSA and I did not care if he was around I just waited for him to get in touch with me.
Fin... (read in full...)
Should I be cautious? I am not sure about his Tinder past
Q. I have been chatting to a guy online and we seem quite similar in our outlook. He said he had a longterm relationship and then went on the dating app tinder and slept with 5-6 women as only wanted something casual but realised he wanted more. ...
A. 28 July 2015: IF you meet him and you like him all judgement on your part may fly out the window.
IF you can meet him in public and NOT sleep with him, go ahead and meet him. Keep your clothes on. Do not go to his place or in a car or anywhere else he can c... (read in full...)
He wouldn't go public with our relationship so I ended it. Did I make the right decision?
Q. He says his marriage is ended and they have both moved on but he wont go public with our relationship or remove his "married to... [her name]" Facebook status. Did I do the right thing ending it after giving him the ultimatum remove the status and ...
A. 27 July 2015: yes you did the right thing.... (read in full...)
My Mum has issues with me dating an older lady!
Q. Mum has issues me dating older lady. She's turning 36 and I am 32. She has a daughter about 10 years old. The relationship has been good. We have dated two years and my mum is totally against it. She feels she is way older and much too mature for ...
A. 27 July 2015: IF you like her and she likes you then enjoy.
FWIW I am 13 yrs older than my husband. But he never wanted children and I already had mine.
36 is not too old to have a baby.... (read in full...)
I should have listened to my mum's warning about this man
Q. I have let my Mum down by my actions the past while. I met a older man at work, he was always helping me and being friendly. The man has a wife so I always thought he seen me as just work-mate. After working there a while I had saved up enough ...
A. 27 July 2015: Call mom and say "you were right, I learned something" and keep on going. Mom will be fine.
as for idiot older man... IGNORE him. LET HIM send the bill... then he can take you to court for payment. He will have to admit that his plan all... (read in full...)
Just started dating, communication is all one way
Q. Thank you for reading. Last Tuesday I went out on a first date. I've known her for 4 years because she works in a coffee shop in a city I pass through for work reasons about once every 3 weeks. Over the years we have always got along and ha...
A. 22 July 2015: Sounds to me like she's of the belief that men have to initiate everything. Give it time. Let her know that you are ok with her starting a conversation or contact.
... (read in full...)
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