A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting. I do not intend on doing anything with him (I have never had sex before). Should I cancel our meeting or stay with him. I am confused and don't want to pass on a good time because of distance. I have never done this before. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (13 August 2015):
Please don't assume that because he is a friend of a friend that he is honest and trustworthy.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 August 2015):
 When you say "quite far," what exactly does that mean? How far in terms of time does he live?
Why can't you just meet up for a day at an attraction like a museum or amusement park or a fun restaurant, halfway in between? Why do you have to have an evening date with a guy you don't really know yet?
What do your girlfriends think about this?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 August 2015):
 That changes nothing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2015):
 the fact that you met him at a party and he knows a mutual friend does NOT change my answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I met him through a friend at a party.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): Seriously NO! NO! no!
Very risky thing to do, and he should know better than expect you to agree.
Without sounding scary, you could be walking into a mad axe man's plan, I wonder if you both met online, if so, even more reason not to just shack up alone with a stranger.
What ever you do, let other people KNOW where you are and let him know that other people know.
It's probably nothing to worry about and he may be your future hubby , but we live in a world where unfortunately
we have to take care of ourselves.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 August 2015):
Another vote for the 'no' camp.
You must ensure that your actions CLEARLY support your words. If you want nothing to happen then don't put yourself in a position that it can, or that causes others to question your intent. The same goes for staying at his place.
Get a small room by yourself. The added benefit is it gives you both some personal time and space to decompress and reflect on your date. Besides, you might also want some private bathroom time without him being practically right outside the door.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2015):
DO NOT stay with him.
IF you want to meet him, get your own room in a hotel and do not tell him which one. DO NOT get into a car with him or go to a hotel room with him.
YOU may not INTEND to have sex but one thing leads to another and pressure when you have had a drink or two can be very intimidating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2015):
 No, it's NOT smart.
I absolutely agree with Auntie BimBim... WHERE is your sense of self-preservation? Where is your common sense?
You meet someone (YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW) in a public place, you make sure someone (friend/family) knows where you are and who you are with. You have an exit strategy in case he turns out to give off weird vibes (like going to the bathroom and call a friend/family member) to come pick you up.
You meet at a restaurant, cafe, coffee-shop. Somewhere public.
You do NOT get into a car with him, not to a "friend's house", his place (or your own) and certainly NOT to a hotel room.
If the first/second/third date (in public) went well, you have MORE public dates. You GET to know him and know ABOUT him.
What do you think your parents would say if you told them about this meeting up? hmmm? Would they think it sounds like a great idea?
If one of your female friend said;" I'm meeting this total stranger of the internet at a hotel, doesn't that sound like a marvelous idea?" Would you say OH that sounds so safe and smart!" Or would you think, hey wait a minute... alone with a stranger in a hotel room? That can go down really bad...
I'm not saying he is part of a human trafficking ring, or a rapist or serial killer... but you DO NOT know him from Adam.
You don't even know if he IS who he says he is.
I was reading a article the other day about a 13 year old girl who got contacted over Facebook by what SEEMED like a 13 year old boy. They talked for a good couple of weeks and he suggested they met up, so she invited him to her house. Thankfully she told her brother (who was older) about it - guess what? the person that showed up was NOT a 13 year old ... he was more like 35. Bringing some alcohol with him too.
So what do you think HIS intentions were? to drink the alcohol alone? and have platonic conversation with a 13 year old? Hardly.
I get that you think life is fun and games... and part of it is... but USE your common sense, please.
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A
male
reader, mfj78 +, writes (12 August 2015):
HiIm sorry but your seem very naïve. If the guy wants to meet you in a hotel room then he wants sex pure and simple. Also you say his place is too far away, well if you have only just met him, don't want to have sex with him and value your virginity then don't go to a guys place of living, his room, a hotel room or any other place of privacy where there is a bed until you are ready to get intimate. You need to learn to protect yourself and meet men you are initially dating in pubic places. A bar, a cafe, a cinema, etc.In fact for him to suggest a hotel room is tacky - your not an escort!Some men can be very charming and nice until you are in their house or a hotel room when they seem to think that taking up the offer of "going back to their place/going to a hotel" is a signed contract offering them sex. At that point the likeable, lovely guy shows his true colours - either "persuading" you to do something you regret or forcing you into sex. Don't put yourself in that position. Whether you intend to have sex is irrelevant as being in a hotel room or his living space and having him offer you alcoholic drinks and telling you how amazing you are while doing all the right things to get you into bed is likely to cause you to loose judgement or be forced into something.I don't wish to sound rude and I appreciate your lack of experience but at 22-25 years old you should be a lot wiser to be honest. What do you think he wants to do in the hotel room? Admire the wallpaper? Sorry but he wants sex pure and simple.Mark
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 August 2015):
 You might not intend having sex but he as sure as shooting does!!
How you can even consider staying in a hotel room with somebody you met "some days back" is beyond me. Where is your sense of self preservation?
If he cant or wont meet for a coffee or other innocuous activity during daylight hours then I suggest you hold off meeting him until you get to know him a whole lot better.
This has all the hallmarks of a very unhappy ending for you if you go through with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): Well I would at least meet him in a very public place first and make sure he seems okay. Also, be sure he knows that friends know you are meeting him, etc. In general sounds like an iffy idea, but may turn out to be fun?!
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