A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been through a lot in the past three years with my fiance, we have been fighting about our finances. I am more of a saver, and he is more of an investor. I say investor because he has this "vision" of being successful. Howver, I feel as though in order to be sucessfull he is willing to put our relationship and everything we have on the line. Like a gamble, including my health, which i have told him repeatedly that i am getting ill over all this. The fighting has gotten out of control and he left me because i am "getting in his way of success" He moved out, we still see each other every day and i think we can work it out if I only let him do whatever he wants in business, even if it's with not only his money but mine as well. In other words, he wants total control over our lives. The problem is, I dont know if I can live with that kind of gambler. I mean, I know he's lucky (very lucky) and he is willing to work night and day at the business to make it a success, however, i am starting to feel like ending it all because i can't take the pressure. I have told his about this, of course, it was during our fighting, so his only response was "if you do something like that that's on you" He doesnt know this but i actually purchased a book on how to do it if i can't take it anymore. I dont know what kind of response i expect, and I can't really give you enough detail but maybe something some of you say will help me, i dont know. BTW, please don't think I am so frail that anything any of you say can push me over the edge. That won't happen, I am just curious to see other's oppinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2015): Sounds like you two have very different tolerances for risk. You are more conservative with your funds, and he doesn't mind to speculate more with his money.Neither of these ideas are wrong or right or better or worse, but no one should bully or force the other into putting money into anything they are not comfortable with. If you do stay together, and get married, it would be best if you had separate finances and separate savings/investments also. You are too different in this regard and it is a divisive issue for your relationship. You may want to consider a pre-nup, to protect the assets you both currently have, and those that may come later during the marriage. If he is investing in a risky business venture, and succeeds big with his money only, then you get divorced, you should not be able to make a claim on that windfall. On the other hand, if you diligently save in your own account, and you get divorced, he should not be able to take half of your money either. Also, you both could go together to an established financial advisor. They can explain how risk tolerance works in saving, and also may have ideas on what you can both do to compromise a bit and meet both of your needs financially.Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 August 2015):
 I think that your two have totally different money styles and therefore are incompatible for life partners.
It's good he moved out.... cancel the engagement, dis-entangle your money from his, continue to see him and ate him and spend time with him, but do not marry him or entangle your finances with him.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (14 August 2015):
 A relationship/marriage shouldn't be about control. It should be a partnership..give and take, compromising, working out what is best for BOTH people. I dont' blame you for being upset and not wanting to go along with his ideas. It sounds like its "his way or the highway". I'd let him walk. I wouldn't want to live my life with someone like him. Who wants to be bullied and controlled?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2015):
 You know a relationship should be 50/50 when it comes to bigger decisions. Whether it's investments, purchases, arranging furniture etc.
If he can not DO all the thinks he DREAMS of doing without your money, then how realistic IS this "investment" of his?
You are getting in way of HIS success? Because you don't want to just HAND over your hard earned savings?
He sounds like a manipulative bully. Honestly. I GET that he wants to make BOTH your lives great, BUT this is really ALL about him. For HIM to make a success of himself (partly wiht YOUR money.)
You are just there to do his bidding.
And let's say he ISN'T successful in this gamble. YOU stand to lose your money. He will no doubt blame you.
He sounds way to controlling for my taste and I think it's a good thing he moved out.
You sound miserable. And he sounds callous and pretty inconsiderate.
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