A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke my gf heart when I left her for six month and now I feel horrible because I felt what i did to her. A week ago she told me she met someone new. I am devastated, I only left her because I was in so much pain from my grandmother and father death. I didn't want show her that I am weak. She wants to move on and I don't want her to. I am in California I booked 2 tickets to go see her in Greece and canceled because she told me not to come. I am so angry with my self that I hurt her. I am terrible person. If I was more caring, she would be with me today. If you leave your good girl. Some dude will creep in and take advantage. I want her back what can I do my last message to her I told her that I respect her decision and I wish we talk in the future. I want her back she means everything to me. I lost all my family this year and now her. How long should I wait to contact her? I stopped today after crazy amount of msgs She going to go see that guy next week. She is planning to move to there. I really want so something. Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2015): "if i want be with her again i have to grow as a person first."in order to be with her, she has to want to be with you and she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again."she can never forget me."she can certainly try, in any event you can't read her mind, and she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again."to win her heart i have to work for it."you can't "win" her heart if she doesn't want to give it to you and she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again."she is going to see this new guy for 15 days no way in hell they will be able to start anything serious in such short period and since it's a long distance relationship it won't work. he won't have time what she really likes."again you can't read her mind, and regardless of whether or not this relationship works she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again. "i will send her a card and flowers. get closer to her like never before but always in a friendly way and support her as much i can."she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again."eventually she will come back because she will feel i changed for her."again, you can't read her mind and in any event she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again. "i will send her the cards i never sent, the flowers i never bought. the love i never shared.what do you guys think?"i think she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again, so your continuing pathological obsessiveness indicates you're delusional. if you don't seek professional help then she will eventually first get a restraining order and if that doesn't deter you then you'll end institutionalized or incarcerated. she's made it abundantly clear she does not want to be with you again
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2015):
 What do I think?
I think you are not living in reality and in 30 days when you attempt to contact her and find out she's still seeing the new LDR guy you will be right back here going "NOW what"
wish her well... let her know you will always be available for her then move on and wait for her to come to you....
but while you wait get out and meet new folks and get on with your life....
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (13 August 2015):
She's done with you. Speaking from experience, she'll never want you after that kind of betrayal.
Leave her alone and let her live her life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2015): That's exactly what I did, I told her I respect her decision and I do. If I want be with her again I have to grow as a person first. Our love will never die. We shared the best moments. She can never forget me. And I can never forget her. I never meant to leave her. I was emotionally destroyed. The death of my father destroyed me. My father was my mother, best friend, friend, buddy, he gave me a lot of energy to keep focused and push forward in life. I feel terrible I made her feel this way. But I couldn't share the ugliness inside when this happened I feel it was my fault as I couldn't get him better medical treatment and it was in my power. But I was to slow.
That's why my reaction to her leaving was childish and selfish. I couldn't handle another person.
To win her heart I have to work for it. That's what life is about you work hard for things in a positive way they will come to you.
I can win her heart again my plan is to do so:
I won't talk to her at all for the next 30 days. She is going to see this new guy for 15 days no way in hell they will be able to start anything serious in such short period and since it's a long distance relationship it won't work. He won't have time what she really likes. If I start talking now I will give her closure because she won't miss me anymore. Especially because her first time in Newyork was with me. And we had a lot of fun.
After she goes back I will slowly start to open communication. Our anniversaries are on 9.15 the first time we met. And 11.25 when we got together. I will send her a card and flowers. get closer to her like never before but always in a friendly way and support her as much I can. Occasionally I will drop lines about memories we shared, Eventually she will come back because she will feel I changed for her.
I will send her the cards I never sent, the flowers i never bought. The love I never shared.
What do you guys think?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): "I have to Stop being a little selfish bitch and grow to win her heart back what do you think? Am I on the right track?"
You do have to stop being a little selfish bitch but for your own sake, not hers.
There is NOTHING you can do to "win her back" if she doesn't want you back, and she seems to have made it abundantly clear that she doesn't. It was very gracious of her to offer to remain friends; I don't know if I would be so magnanimous if I were in her shoes.
As previously stated, if you really love her then you will respect her decision as you said you would and cease all contact.
The only way something good can come from this experience is if you learn from it and not subject your ex or any other female to your immature, self-centered, pathologically obsessive behavior.
I respectfully suggest that if you are unable to accept responsibility for your actions and resolve this situation then you may benefit from counseling.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2015):
I do not think you have a shot of ever "winning her back"
but you do need to respect her and leave her alone.
Being friends will work FOR HER because she is over you...being friends will NOT work for you because you want her back.
UNTIL you no longer want her back or think you have a shot at it, I would go NO CONTACT at all with her.
give her 5 years or so and then try again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2015):
 Yep, that is the right approach.
Though, if you WANT to toot your horn a little before going silent, tell her that you RESPECT her wishes and her and will henceforth leave her be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): hi. I'm very sorry to hear of the people you lost this year, sounds awful for you.You must know that you pushed your ex away, and as you put it broke her heart.she has moved on now, and you have no right or business hounding her now she has chosen to be with someone else.to leave her for six months...what were you expecting? from what you have written, it seems you finding out she is with someone else has triggered this. that isn't on. It's selfish and quite egotistical actually, as it seems you've expected her to wait around for you. Good for her that she didn't as she deserved better than for you to hurt her like that.You need to leave her alone now and learn from this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): She contacted me the next day said If I don't stop she will block me and we should be friends. I didn't respond and I won't respond now. If I do accept friendship I will lose my Chance to be with her again. Because she will be able to find closure with the new guy I have to wait and be patient.
I have to Stop being a little selfish bitch and grow to win her heart back what do you think? Am I on the right track?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2015):
I'm sorry for your losses, losing a loved one is never easy.
SHE lost a loved one (you) when you decided to just "piss off" for 6 months, she did her grieving (over you) and moved on.
Showing grief, sharing grief doesn't make a man look weak. What DOES make him look weak is running away. And that is what you did. It doesn't make you a terrible person, but one who isn't really in touch with himself OR his GF.
I agree with SVC and the male anon, leave her alone. Bombarding her with messages IS not going to make her change her mind about you or take you back.
RESPECT her - respect her decision to have moved on without you and STOP contacting her.
The second thing you can do is LEARN from this and not repeat your behavior in the future with another woman.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2015):
What you do is take this experience and learn from it.
Just because you are hurting does not make you weak. And as a partner your then gf would have supported and helped you.
You made a bad choice. But you made a choice and you have to live with the consequences of this choice.
The consequence of you leaving her is that she's moved on.
I suggest you cut all contact with her and move on. She's moved on and is probably just being kind to you at this point.
Getting her back is not an option.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): "She wants to move on and I don't want her to."
Too bad. It's her call to make, not yours.
"How long should I wait to contact her?"
Forever.
Actions have consequences. You hurt her once, she doesn't want to take the risk of being hurt again, she's moved on and there's nothing you can do except learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them should you get involved with another girl.
If you really love her then you will respect her decision as you said you would and cease all contact.
If she wants to contact you, she will. However, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for her.
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