A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He says his marriage is ended and they have both moved on but he wont go public with our relationship or remove his "married to... [her name]" Facebook status. Did I do the right thing ending it after giving him the ultimatum remove the status and go public or I walk away?Thank you for any advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2015): Hi again. Oh my goodness yes you have done the right thing here! No way after eight months is your request unreasonable! Are there other warning signs? You've been to his place etc right? Are there kids involved ? If so I take it you have met them? You can call any time and he'll pick up... ?You've met his g family etc? If none of these things have been happening, he's having an affair sweetheart x
A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Thanks for the update, OP.So you've been together for 8 months yet he hasn't officially signed the divorce papers?Well then I suggest you leave this guy immediately. You should not have even started this relationship.Anyone who is serious about being with you will or would have ended the relationship already before being with you.You need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible or you will end up hurting yourself more and more. Regardless of what he tells you, I know YOU KNOW it's WRONG to be in a relationship with a married man. HE IS MARRIED. If the marriage was over, he would've signed the papers long before meeting you. Remember that. He's not leaving the other woman.. not for you, not because it's over. He's just using you for an affair. Love yourself and respect yourself more to not want to be in a relationship like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): I read that ultimatums are not good no matter what especially if exercised and thers regrets behind it. Have you heard of reverse ultimatum? I heard its better to use the reverse ultimatum. Basically using human nature to empower him to commit to you and do the right thing. You don't insult or use force. You simply have the talk and leave it up to him. Start doing you. Meaning start living a charmed life. Let him see you are to be desired without asking. He will turn around and want to win you back even though you never left. You just showed him your worth.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 July 2015):
 yes you did the right thing.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Yes.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Yes, he IS still married, so why bother be his "gf"?
Facebook status means nothing in the bigger picture. BUT HIM not being fully divorced and still want to seem like he is married to her? THAT makes all the reason to dump him and move on.
A marriage isn't over till the ink is dry on the divorce decree.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): Thank you everyone for your advice and perspective very helpful so just to clarify... We have been together for 8 months and he said from the start that the marriage was over and had last 2 years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): Maybe it was just keeping up appearances and they hadn't publicly split up yet, but your request wasn't major (if you'd been together officially for a month or so) - if you weren't official, you should have just asked for it removed, not yours publicised.
As for walking away, you gave the ultimatum, he didn't remove it, so you carried out the ultimatum, which is the point, so you did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (27 July 2015):
First, I will agree that he is in the wrong. He is not respecting you or your relationship by continuing his status on Facebook as 'Married to...'Now, as his girlfriend, you can make the demand for him to remove his status and delete everything and anything related to his EX.. OR, you can try to be the understanding girlfriend. Talk to him and try to understand why it is that he is keeping that status. Maybe it's too early in their breakup to let family and friends know? Maybe he needs time to tell those close family and friend members on Facebook about their separation instead of having them find out about it via Facebook? Maybe he's just trying to be as gentleman as he can and not hurt her more than he already has? There can be many many reasons.. so instead of giving an ultimatum and demanding he remove the status, have a talk with him to see what is the reason behind it? If he can't give you a reason, then yes, maybe something fishy is going on and you should leave him. But give him a chance to explain himself first?I'm guessing your relationship is fairly new, just as his separation from his EX is?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): Hi. How long had you been seeing him? And when did he say his marriage was over from?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 July 2015):
 I'd say so. I mean making any demands about Facebook status is overstepping normally and more than a little ridiculous but if it says he's married to someone else then your request is fair.
Not only does he not ackowledge you before others but it makes you look like you're a cheating man's mistress.
You made the right choice in my opinion.
Then again...how long have you been together?
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