A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 22 year old woman in a relationship with a 24 year old man. We love each other but are complete opposites when it comes to educational background. I did not go to college, while he has a masters degree. His parents both have doctoral degrees and are very successful and wealthy, while my parents are just average. I never thought or cared about how educated someone is, their degree, their field of work, etc until I over heard my boyfriends parents mention to him that I do not have a college education and why did I not go to college. My boyfriend says he doesn't care about that but in a way I think he does since his parents mentioned it to him. I have a pretty good job and I believe I'm quite smart despite not having a college education. Sure I'm not making 50k+ a year but I'm happy with my job and I work for everything I have. Why do you think my boyfriends parents care so much? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 August 2015):
 IN the US it's expected that folks will continue with their education in order to further their lives.
I never assumed my one child would go to college he is disabled emotionally, but my other son, not only was it expected, my father made sure the kid had his college paid for in full so that when he graduated he had no debt which is very hard to do in this day and age... most of my friends who did schooling and are younger than I am have school loan debts that are killing them.
I went to local university but I dropped out my senior year. My father kept telling me to go back and FINISH the degree.... and he was right...
I work for the federal government and while a degree was not required when I was hired (most hires now do have degrees) when I did go back and finish the degree it was the turning point in my career... My current job was offered to me SPECIFICALLY because I WENT back and finished the degree... they did NOT care that the degree is in psychology while I do network security, what the hiring official looked at was that I FINISHED the degree.... the degree showed my ability to start and finish something and that's why he hired me.... he even told me that.
I think that his parents are just seeking knowledge and I'll make the assumption that they are not being judgmental. I could be wrong.
FWIW my husband does not have a degree and in fact he got a GED not a high school diploma and no one cares....
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 August 2015):
 I have a PhD and realize the value of education. That being said, I would never look down upon someone who hasn't had college education because what matters at the end of the day is what one has achieved by their hard work and not the number of degrees that one has amassed.
Obviously your boyfriend's parents look at things differently. Maybe they feel that since you haven't been to college and aren't particularly literary, you wouldn't have many things in common with their son. Plus, if he were to marry you some day, they might feel that you are not equipped to guide your children in their lives and teach them the value of education. Also because as you say your parents are average while his parents are highly educated and wealthy, they possibly think that you are not the right fit for their son and maybe even a gold-digger.
Look at the TV show The Big Bang Theory, for instance. Everyone makes fun of Wolowitz because he doesn't have a PhD and hence is deemed inferior even though he went to space! Penny is also looked down upon as having an inferior intellect. What I'm trying to say that people who are highly educated do tend to be snobbish towards those who don't and equate good education and higher degrees with intelligence and the ability to do well in life.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 August 2015):
 I love learning and I have studied many things because I enjoy doing so. My reading is prolific and on a wide range of subjects. I am not against formal education in any way and I encourage it. I love history but I have also studied law and psychology among other things.
but not everyone loves learning.
Some people have important other skills like a high EQ (emotional intelligence) and some people have outstanding people skills like Richard Branson.
Formal learning will not guarantee you success in life. One of the truly most ignorant naive men I ever met was a PhD in statistics. He was appalling and his people skills were non-existent. However he was amazing at crunching the numbers. but that was about all he was good at. He has zilch empathy for anyone.
I wish you success in what ever fields you choose to work in to gain satisfaction in your working life.
If your boyfriend's family are education snobs and think achievement only comes from a college education then give them this list to read. I wonder how their achievements look alongside the achievements of the people on this list below:
Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb and the phonograph left school at the age of 12 and started work on a railroad.
Ingvar Kamprad who is dyslexic struggled to learn to read for a long time. He did enjoy trading things for a profit, even as a child. He never attended University and he founded IKEA and went on to find great success.
Albert Einstein is considered a genius and is a celebrated physicist. He was awarded a Nobel Prize. When he first tried to attend University he failed the entrance exam. When he as older he did finally earn a degree.
Where would the world be without the ipod? (better not answer that one : ) Steve Jobs brought Mac-everything and the iPod to the world, yet he had to drop out of attending the college as the cost was too much for his financially struggling parents.
President Abraham Lincoln left school at 12 to help his family farm, yet he still went on to achieve many things.
Richard Branson left the private Stowe school at 16, having struggled with dyslexia. He founded the Virgin brand in 1970, when he set up a record mail-order business.
Here is more on his approach to like: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/229876 and http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-innovations/richard-branson-and-the-dyslexia-advantage/2012/11/07/67a05b2a-2906-11e2-bab2-eda299503684_story.html
James Cameron was born in Canada. He wanted to study more but he dropped out and married a waitress and took to driving trucks. Yet he went on to make amazing films like Star wars and Avatar, Titanic, The Terminator, Rambo First Blood Part II and Aliens
The explorer Christopher Columbus received most of his early learning at home before he went on to be an explorer.
Fashion has been impacted throughout the 20th century and into the 21st century by Coco Changel who did not attend University. Her mother died when she was young and when she was 12 she and her siblings were sent to a Catholic orphanage. The children could only stay at the orphanage beyond the age of 13 if they wanted to pursue a religious life. Coco Chanel left and started making hats that she then sold.
My favourite architect Frank Lloyd Wright was admitted to the University of Wisconsin-Madison but he dropped out. Instead he learnt more while being apprenticed to a modernist architect. FLW designed the Guggenheim Museum.
Al Pacino dropped out of his New York high school to pursue acting after he failed every subject in High school except English. .
Isaac Merrit Singer invented the Singer brand sewing machine and he dropped out of Elementary school. Did not stop he achieving so much.
Henry Ford is renowned for all he did to help create the automobile industry in the early 20th century. Yet he had little formal education and was born on a farm outside of Detroit, where he worked with his father doing farm work.
William Shakespeare is said to have not attended school beyond the age of 13. He produced some of the best-loved works the world has ever known, from Romeo and Juliet to Macbeth.
Sir Winston Churchill struggled at school and formal school did not suit him. He did poorly at school. He was often punished for his poor grades. He had to apply three times to get into the Military. Yet as a strategist in WWII he was amazing. He was also a talented painter.
Mark Zuckerberg did not complete his studies as he founded Facebook and it took over his life. As it can do for others, even today. He left University early and moved to California.
Walt Disney has brought so much joy to the world yet he dropped out of high school at 16, joined the Red Cross, and travelled to Europe before starting his empire.
Jamie Oliver left school at 16 and enrolled at Westminster Kingsway Further Education College. He went on to become chef and an entrepreneur
Mark Twain was already an apprentice at age 11 learning a trade. At 18 he was working as a printer. He did visit libraries a lot and he went on to become a very loved good novelist. He did not attend University as a student.
Joyce C. Hall founded Hallmark. Earlier she started selling greeting cards a teenager. She did not attend college.
Amadeo Peter Giannini, is the fouder of the Bank of America. Earlier he dropped out of high school.
Benjamin Franklin was mainly home schooled and he went on to be an inventor, scientist, author, entrepreneur.
john D Rockerfeller started Standard Oil. He came from a poor background and at age 16 he left high school just before he was due to graduate and started on a path to earn money. He did later attend some courses as an adult.
George Eastman was the man who founded the company Kodak. He earlier dropped out of high school.
Tom Hanks left college to take up an internship at the Great Lakes Theater Festival in Cleveland, Ohio. He learnt more along the way and went on to become a movie star, writer and producer and more
The celebrated author F. Scott Fitzgerald left Princeton University early because of poor grades.
Andrew Carnegie became an industrialist and philanthropist. He was an Elementary school dropout.
Richard DeVos was a co-founder of Amway. He did served in the Army and did not attend college
DeWitt Wallace became the founder and publisher of Reader’s Digest. Earlier he dropped out of college after one year. Then he resturned to college but then he dropped out again after the second year
Frederick Henry Royce was a co-founder of Rolls-Royce. He designed cars. He also dropped out of elementary school
Henry J. Kaiser founded the company Kaiser Aluminum. He also dropped out of high school
Kirk Kerkorian is the owner of Mandalay Bay and Mirage Resorts and MGM movie studio. He dropped out of school in the eighth-grade
Milton Hershey founded Hershey’s Milk Chocolate. His education ceased in the 4th grade.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2015): People who value a good education know the benefits and advantages it offers. Very often, people with the higher level of education have the greater earning-potential. Thus, they contribute mostly to the household living expenses. His parents are concerned that you may be seeking financial security. Don't pretend your parents have never questioned the motives and credentials of the men you date.
If they don't, why not?
I would suspect they would want their grandchildren to have a good life; and look forward to a stable and financially secure upbringing. They would hope you value education, and will pass that on to your offspring. Knowing and learning is a good thing. Being snobbish about it, is not!!!
I'm not naive. There is also an element of snobbery. You can, and should, be proud of your ability to take care of yourself. Just remember, being without a degree in these days and times, will limit your options where jobs are concerned. Most of the weight will be on him to support you and a family; if you decide to marry and raise a family. You may become somewhat dependent on him financially. With children, that's not a good place to be in today's financial environment. If he is removed for whatever reason, you should still have the capacity to maintain.
Degrees don't guarantee you a job, and you're not always paid what you're worth. Albeit, the lack of an education has to be compensated for. You have to have an entrepreneurial-spirit. Natural-smarts that are resourceful and innovative. You need to be well-read, and exposed to enlightenment in different forms. It gives you vision and power. It increases your analytical abilities. That's from the positive-standpoint.
Expect rich parents to question the motives of a young woman with a high school level education dating their son.
Many aren't as solid of character as you are; or may expect to find someone to "give" them a good life. You could have a doctoral degree from Harvard Business School; and still be a gold-digging sleaze-ball, and a terrible person. The odds are greater that someone lacking formal education, will be more financially-dependent on a higher earning well-educated individual. Love may have nothing to do with it. So precautions should be taken. No reflection on you personally.
Once they get to know you, they may overlook that. However; it wouldn't hurt you to consider a higher education for your own benefit. You may love your job, but you may have to seek employment somewhere else someday. Otherwise; you may have to settle for jobs you really don't like.
You are most correct that they should not snob anyone! If your boyfriend shows shame; then take that into consideration. You shouldn't be over-sensitive to parents who are concerned about who their son is dating. They're parents. That's their job.
If they move about in high society; then you had better be able to hold your own. You will be asked where you come from and where you were educated in their circles. So be tough and hold your head high. If you date "up," be prepared to deal with what comes with it. If you can handle it; then that's all that matters.
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (13 August 2015):
 First of all, I DO NOT agree with your boyfriend's parents' view. However, I do understand where they are coming from. They have invested a lot of money and effort into their son's education and upbringing. Their hopes are that his son become a part of the elite network, meet a beautiful and well educated girl and have a great future together.
They are just surprised that his 'circle of friends' included someone who had not attended college.
It's OK.. use your personality and hard work to prove to them that you are just as worthy as someone with a Master's Degree. That the love you and your boyfriend have for each other far exceeds anything money or a degree can secure.
You can change their minds. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2015):
 For some, education = ambitions = successful in life.
For others hard work = ambitions = successful in life.
Most people who have a degree (which ever level) have kids who will also go the educational route. Sometimes because they know that it worked for them so it should work for the kid. Other times it's (specially in the US) because these parents can afford to pay the cost of a college education for their kids.
It's the NORM in his family to get a degree. Doesn't mean they think you are not smart. They just do it one you and you have chosen another path (work wise).
And... lastly... there are the snobs who think if you have no college education you go no where in life.
While a education can DEFINITELY help when it comes to work/careers many many people DO well without one.
Don't take it personal, be proud of what you have achieved so far.
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