A
female
age
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*onfusedgirl99
writes:My 48yr. Husband of 15 years has been having problems obtaining and keeping and erection for the past year. Sometimes he gets and keeps it but then he can't orgasm. I figure its due to his age. So I have been understanding. But I over heard a phone call in which I learned he has been having a 6 yr sexual relationship with a coworker who is 15 yrs younger than him. And apparently not having the same issues and in fact has sex with her at least twice a week. The affair is heartbreaking for me. I want to work things out but now I'm afraid its useless because I am wondering if our sex life is proof that he loves her or at least desires her more than me. Some many things going thru my mind. Does the length of the relationship mean its love or can it still be only about sex? AnAnd does his sexual problem mean I no longer turn him on? Is my marriage salvageable?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2015):
 OP, I'm concerned about your reply as well. Whether or NOT he is in it just for the sex is not the issue.
WHY are you OK with accepting this abuse? He lies to you, he's cheating on you physically and emotionally.
DO YOU NOT DESERVE BETTER treatment from your spouse...
why is divorce not an option?
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (15 August 2015):
 Like rebecca c, I was also stumped at your reply so I took a day to think about what you said and, still, I am stumped as in why are you his doormat? You keep asking about erections, then switch over to love vs sex of a cheating husband... When the fact is that you live in a broken relationship out of which you should have gotten out the moment you realized he is cheating. Instead, you facilitate his behavior and wonder all these other issues which have no bearing on your well being. If he is submissive to the other woman and commanding to you, that means you are his doormat, he values you so much less that he need not show any emotional supplication to you. I doubt that you enjoy abuse, but if you think you will win him over by giving him better sex, believe me, you will not. By staying with him you just validate his cheating, you validate your position as doormat and you enable him to continue his cheating ways. I'd suggest you run away from him and if you want to do any negotiating with him, do it from the safe distance away from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): hi again.
i am a little taken aback with you reply here.
This guy is cheating on you, in doing so he clearly doesn't love you or respect you the way he should. no one can tell you how he feels about this other woman, but the evidence shows 6 years of cheating, he feels insecure that he isn't giving her enough, scared she will cheat and consults her about important things he SHOULD be consulting you about. ....what the he'll are you doing with him chick? he is treating you exceptionally badly and you appear conditioned over many years into thinking this man's behaviour is in some way ok and you are willing to compromise yourself and your self worth in the hope he doesn't love her? he doesn't seem to loveyou hun, iI'd be more concerned about that x
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A
female
reader, Confusedgirl99 +, writes (14 August 2015):
Confusedgirl99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband doesn't know I know. And the other women apparently has no desire for him to leave me. Cause I heard him say that if he were single he knew she wouldn't bother with him. And that he didn't feel like he gives her enough time despite what she says. He seemed like he needed reassurance that she was satisfied with their arrangement and as he said not cheating on him. The way he was talking to her was not the strong dominant man I am use to dealing with. In our relationship and home he sets the rules no questions asked. And yet with this younger woman he was acting like an accusing insecure teenager. Also found out he talks to her about and asks her opinion on household purchases like cars. She also helped him fill out paperwork dealing with our recent insurance claim. I'm hoping it just possessiveness due to sex and not love. I know if I ask him he'll say its just sex. So I need to figure out if he loves her cause he will not tell me. So the main question is after 6 years can it still only be about sex?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (14 August 2015):
Your marriage is salvageable only if both of you are willing to save it. So your first question to your husband should be about the willingness, now that you have found out that he is cheating. As for his affair with the coworker: 6 years is a long time and I am sure that the "other woman" has been on a stand by all this time waiting on your husband to leave you. Married men, however, rarely if ever leave their wives for the woman they cheat with. Is it love or sex? It sure started out as sex, might be some love but again, married men rarly leave their wives for the other woman. On the issue if you turn him on or not: it is hard to get turned on when he gets sexually satisfied by the other woman at least twice per week so why does he need to perform for you. Once his source of sex gets cut off, few weeks later he will run to you like a hungry rabbit.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 August 2015):
I am sure that if you want to stay married to a lying cheater that you can.
IF he was going to leave you for her he would have left already.
my aunt was a mistress for a man for 25 years. He never left his wife for her.... she was his little something on the side ALWAYS.....
doesn't mean it's love.
does HE know you know about his mistress?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2015): hi.you must be utterly devastated right now to have learnt this.What an arsehole your husband is to have done this.I think the first question you need to ask yourself is are you someone who is even able to stay with a man who has done this, and if the answer is no, there is little point in asking such questions as you pose in regards to whether the relationship was just see etc as it will eat you up and consume all your energy.A partner of mine of some 15 years had an affair that I found out about. I packed up his stuff and threw him out the same day. I knew I couldn't feel the same way again about him, and needed my energy to move forward the direction I needed to.so in the first instance, what does your gut tell you? Do you still want to be with him? remember this is different to scared of what if might be like without him....?
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