A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 and I met this genuinely loving guy at a charity organisation which helps disabled children get into sport. Anyway, we started dating 9 months ago and he has asked me to move in with him. I agreed and am in the process of packing my stuff. However, last night he sat me down and told me he needed to be honest with me. I obviously started to worry thinking he was going to tell me he had a wife or something but he just calmly said:'My family own an oil company in America and my family are worth over a billion dollars. I have a house in Sydney, LA and Miami as well as my appartment. I want to give you the opportunity to say now whether you still want to be with me because you said you dont want to be with rich people because they can be so arrogant. I love you more than anything else and don't want you to feel trapped by my money'. I told him I still wanted to be with him because I love him not his money and I will still work for my own money and we ended up having a very enjoyable night together :P. The money isn't a problem it is just I wonder why he thought I would leave him? Why, just because of money, would I leave the man who is so kind and caring and the one I have fallen inlove with? I am not a gold digger I just love him to bits. I don't even care about his money. How can I show him I love him for who he is not what he is worth.? I fell in love with the man who helped a little girl out of her wheelchair and kick a football. Sorry this is so long I'm just a bit confused.
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disabled, fell in love, I love you, money, trapped Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): This is just one example of what his family could afford to live in, then add the private jet, the super yacht and various other homes. Plus their staff......and you have an idea what he has supposedly kept secret and given up
hhttp://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Most+Expensive+Homes&view=detail&id=C87513779421C220BA0C1392B522F847A3B89BA0&first=0&FORM=IDFRIR
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 How very curious :
You date a guy for 9 months, and are on the verge of going to live with him... and in all this time , it never ever came in conversation stuff like, what does your dad do, what does your mom do, what your siblings do, where do they live. Very normal stuff, you know. Just stuff that one asks not to assess how much a man is worth, but out of simple curiosity, to get to know him better and have a feel of what he is like. He has never shown you any picture of his family home , or his vacations...Never a hint. You don't know where he studied and where he graduated. You " guess " he travelled for work, but you are not sure. In 9 months, you had time to share a lot of personal infos, like people normally do, but apparently you chose not to.
He has a nice " apartment " -( btw, shouldn't that be a "flat" for you ? : ) just like yours- nothing different from what any young charity worker could afford.
That's my point . He is a young BILLIONAIRE - not any young moderately successful professional. He lives in a normal apartment, has no domestic help, no pricey car, or no car at all,owns nothing valuable- he chose to live with the necessarily limited means of a charity employee, never did or bought anything that made you think he could come from a different social milieau,he gave up to lots of things that must have been a given for him, WHY exactly ? He would be making intentional efforts for hiding what he is and what he has,( rather than just keeping a low profile ) , aren't you curious to know what's the reason for that?
Remember, we said billionaire- not just the son of a comfortable middle class, ..a successful dentist, a successful lawyer- someone from some Fortune 500 background. Someone that rather than going to work for a charity, could found- and fund- his own charity for his favourite cause .
If this his is final life choice- to live a modest , normal life off his salary- then you wouldn't have to be afraid to be " trapped " by his money, because he would not be using it, and nothing would change in your current way of life.
And if this is a temporary phase, instead, after which you'd be admitted to partake with him of his luxury lifestyle,...why is it temporary , what is he doing now, a sort of philantropist boot camp after which he would go back to normal ??
Sorry , this story is romantic but still full of holes . If you really are only reporting what he said to you, yes, go Google him right now , to begin with ! And keep your eyes well open !
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A
male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (14 March 2012):
hey your over thinking this . He asked if you still wanted to be with him after he told u Hes rich because you had previously said you Dont like rich ppl because they can be arrogant .well u proved that your not a gold digger and he knows this , you fell in love with him not knowing about his money . He just felt scared that you Wouldnt feel the same way after learning about his fortune . This Is good for you both . You fell in love with the man not the money .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 funny when I had to tell my partner I had money we WAITED till AFTER the wedding.... we didn't want him marrying me because of the money....
just continue to refuse any and all gifts
do not take loans or money
buy him gifts
and pay all the bills for the home you share with him.... that should prove to him it's not about the money...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): 9 months and you never noticed? I mean he may not want to show off and buy his clothes at tesco and take the tube but it's still odd, anyways maybe there were people in his past that were with him just because of his money, and he got a bit leery of telling you straightaway, I think he already has the proof that you're with because of who he is, i.e you accepted to move in without knowing he's rich, but if you really want to prove it to him sign a pre-nup and don't take his money and don't quit your job, in a nutshell don't rely on him financially.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): Thanks for the advice. I posted this to get advice not to be judged. He has a nice appartment as do I, I have worked hard to afford it and he has travelled a lot but as we both work with a charity I guessed it was for work because I travel a lot with work too. He has always said his family live abroad because he is from America anyway so because the 9 months have been pretty hectic with work and part time uni we wouldn't have time to go all the way to America. We have never really talked about his parents jobs because I don't think money matter, I have always known he grew up comfortable and all I care about is that his family are supportive emotionally not how much his school cost and to be honest I wouldn't have a clue about American schools anyway. I haven't googled him because, lets be honest, who googles their boyfriends? I certainly don't! Anyway, to those who gave me advice, thanks again. He gets home from work in a bit and I am just going to cuddle up on the sofa and watch tv like normal. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): Sorry but this sounds like a fairy tale, not sure if its yours or his
Have you asked when you will meet the family, your future in-laws by the way things are moving..
Have you Googled him?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 March 2012):
Yeah right.
Somebody here has an active imagination and either it is you or it's him.
I mean, I understand not flaunting your riches , having simple tastes , not wanting attract attention etc. Not all the very rich people drive customized Ferrari or display more jewelery than a star of rap.
But, once you are born into a certain lifestyle, and have acquired certain tastes , and got certain habits, and you don't feel ashamed about it, -so that you don't totally turn your back to your family to join a terrorist group, or go meditate in an Indian ashram with a loincloth as your whole attire, or other similarly radical choices..... all that stays with you, and it shows. You consider normal a certain level of consumption, ( not necessarily TOO conspicuos :)you give for granted certain commodities, and without going overboard to advertise your power and wealth, you live a life that's perceivably ( albeit not exaggerately ) more confortable than that of your average 9 to 5- er. It shows. It's noticeable, albeit done tastefully. One should really .really make a major willing effort to live way beneath his usual level, and that would make me wonder , WHY ? Why is this guy turning his life upside down to pretend being someone who he is not ? Is he on the lam, or what ?
Basically, you would have noticed or guessed or suspected that the guy was ,if not filthy rich, comfortable. Affluent. Well heeled. It sounds like for you it was a total shock, that you may not have even thought he might be definitely well off. Impossible. Well, very improbable, at least. There are dozen of hints, I'll quote just a few random ones.
A scion of a billionary oil company won't wash his own dishes or clean his own toilet . And why should he ? he can afford to hire help, he has not to be ashamed of it,he is USED to it and he will do it , NOT doing it would be something innatural, schemed and contrived.
You don't mention moving him with him and saying " oh cool, we have a maid ( at the very least !), nice that you can afford that ".
His school. It must have come up in past conversations. No P.S. No.Such -and-such , with 40 kids a class, for him. He will have gone to very expensive, selective private schools,- or abroad. There are places where you can spend 30000 usd for kindergarten !, it sort of makes you wonder when you know someone has been there, makes you think his dad can't be the town mailman.
His travels and vacations, did it ever come up in convos ? hard to believe it didn't. He MUST have been many places fancier than ,say, Brighton or Cheltenam, - did not it make you curious ?.
His place, and the way it's furnished. It does not need to have a solid gold bathtub, then again I don't think this kind of guy would limit himself to your average Ikea decor... and why should he, for Pete's sake ? unless he were on a federal witness protection program, why would he have renounced to display his favourite antiques, or heirlooms, or priced artworks ?
Believe me, when people is super rich, somehow it shows ( unless of course they go out of their way to hide it , which it would be weird and suspicious ). I've known well a few people with a background like you describe- and btw, they were absolutely nice,down to earth,unassuming people, just like the guy you describe- still , plenty of details are telling and show a difference of lifestyle and experiences with us regular folks.
So, this story is STRANGE , and either one is bending the truth a bit. If it is you , OP, no harm done, we all have the right to daydream, but if it is him, ... be careful, be very very careful, because surely there's more to the story....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 March 2012):
 What a great line. I'm almost ashamed to say that I've never used it, myself!!!
I'd withhold any decision about this guy until I saw a copy of his bank statement, AND got to visit the venues that he claimed.....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Consult an attorney, get a pre-nup and assuage any guilt you might have or concerns his family has
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 March 2012):
 He loves you for you, and I'm guessing in passing the two of you had a conversation in which you talked about you not wanting to be with someone rich. He wanted to make sure that his money wouldn't be a turnoff to you.
He wanted to make sure you were with him for HIM, and he wanted to make sure that now you knew that having money was a factor, that it wouldn't turn you off.
Unfortunately, it's a hazard to have to deal with gold diggers as a rich person, and he wanted to make sure that whoever he fell in love with loved him for him too.
You ask how you can show him that you love him for him and not how much he's worth? Actually, you just did. You were willing to take the next step with him thinking he was of limited means, and more importantly, you were yourself.
Just enjoy the relationship, as you're doing! You don't have to act any different. Yes, the news changes things, but only in the fact that he has money. He sounds like a keeper in that the money doesn't have him.
Good luck to you two!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): You have already shown him you love him for who he is and not what he owns. You have spent the last nine months showing him that. And he asked if you are still ok being with him because you basically told him you didnt want to be with someone who was rich. That is why he felt he had to check with you.
Your confusion is probably slight disconbobulation because you have a wealthy guy and you didnt know it. I would just let the wealth pass over your head and remember he is still the guy you fell for. Dont break your stride and start trying to `prove` things to him. That could look highly suspicious. Just carry on being yourself because that is who he has fallen for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): The fact that he kept this a secret until inviting you to move in with him, 9 months later, is great because you were both able to date under normal circumstances, not having money over your heads.
Now he knows you are with him for HIM, not his money because you had no idea. As for you, this is a win win situation. You love him, you are happy with him, you are about to move in, and the silver lining is he has money to boot!
I think he worried that you would change your mind because you have previously stated how you felt about rich people; and also some people don't enjoy the jetset lifestyle, and what goes with it (publicity, etc) so he is preparing you for it and giving you a last opportunity to back out if you wanted.
Assure him you want HIM, as you always have, nothing has changed except for the $$$ in the bank ;-)
ENJOY!!!
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A
female
reader, Dragonheart +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Money and being rich can be a blessing, but i think more often it is a curse. He needed to be sure you want to be with him for who he is and not for his bank account. That's why he hid that truth from you for 9 month and felt surely bad for it. It seems he worried a lot about losing you because of the money. In my opinion this speaks for the integrity of you both!
You know, there will be people who will call you a gold digger or worse, just out of jealousy, without even knowing you. You have to be aware of that and be able to ignore it.
Just focus on your couple and your love, don't let anything else ever become more important than that.
All the best to you.
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