A
female
age
30-35,
*oimoimoi
writes:There's this guy and I know for sure he likes me but he says he's not ready to be in a serious relationship because he broke up with his girlfriend 2 months ago. He said that I'm really beautiful and he's given a lot of thought about us. What does it actually mean when a guy say something like this to me? Is it one of those 'he's just not that into you' kind of thing? But the thing is, we don't know each other very well. We took a course together a year ago and he had a lil crush on me at that time which I didn't know because he never gave any hint. And we didn't have a chance to meet or at least bump into each other for like a year. And then last week, I met him in a bar and we started talking. We became facebook friends and decided to hang out but I said something like 'I'm not looking for something casual'. I'm thinking that's why he said that he's not ready to be in a serious relationship.I know that I don't know him at all but I really want to get to know him better and I want him to want me to be with him. What do I do? I mean, I feel like that I should just relax and be friends with him and give it some time and see what happens next but I'm not that patient....I am clueless. ;( And all of my girlfriends are too.Please help me :(
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 What Lazy Guy said.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 It means he is not ready to be in a relationship.
Digging further is pointless, it means what it means. Maybe tomorrow he meets another girl and he will be ready, but right now, with you, he isn't.
That you and your girlfriends can't figure it out is very telling.
It is the reason there are no women in charge of mission control.
Apollo 13: "Houston we got a problem"
Female: "What do you mean when you say you got a problem?"
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Well, there's the "codes" and such. Like "Im not ready" = "I don't like you enough to commit". Or "Let's be friends" = "lets break up". But, there are instances when the words that come out of the mouth is to be taken literally, and not interpreted. I think that after just 2 months of being single, depending on how long his last relationship was, it is natural to want to go slow and enjoy your freedom for a while, before you start jumping into relationships again. The dude might have gotten his heart broken. Who says guys don't need time to heel?
You said you don't really know him well, so how about you stop thinking about serious relationships for two seconds and start to get to know the guy instead? And AFTER you and him have gotten to know each other, then is the time to see whether you want to pursue anything serious with him. Don't throw yourself at this man when you don't even know him or know if he's someone who you'd fit with.
Relax. Just tell him you'd like to hang out. Then don't make any moves, no kissing, no fooling around. Just hang out, get to know him, have fun. Maybe he ends up falling for you, maybe he doesn't.
You have GOT to be patient. It'd be foolish wanting a serious relationship with a man you barely know. Think. Don't just jump into this imagining he's mr. perfect and start on a serious relationship. For all you know he's a cheater or a disrespectful selfish guy. Get to know him.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 It means hes wanting to plow fields more than likely.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Like Cindy said… it’s code for I’m not ready for a serious relationship WITH YOU… because next week he might meet someone who DOES resonate with him and he will be ready and then you are confused as to how he could say he’s not ready but then he is.
IF you WANT him to WANT to be with you then I think it’s best in the long run for you to walk away now before it hurts too much.
I knew a man who at 37 swore up and down right and left in and out that he was never getting married. Marriage was useless... marriage was stupid.. He didn't believe in marriage... he was NEVER getting married. By the time he turned 38 he had met someone and he now can't wait to marry me.... when a man says he's NOT ready... it means I've not met the right person to make me ready.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Cindycares is spot on - "I'm not ready to be in a relationship" means he is not ready for a relationship with you, because as you said yourself - he is just not that into you.
If the right girl came along at the right time, he would get into a relationship with her.
Right now, it sounds like he needs more time to get over his ex (he probably still has feelings for her) and you are just not 'enough' for him to make him want to try a new relationship.
If a girl came along that knocked his socks off, really blew him away - chances are he would want a relationship with her. Whereas it sounds like with you, he does like you, but not enough to make him want to get serious with you.
He probably would have a bit of fun with you (i.e sex) but he has made it clear he doesnt want anything serious with you - whereas you want the opposite to him.
You are best distancing yourself from him for a while until you are over him, and then maybe you can be friends. But dont hang around trying to be his friend hoping for something more, because chances are you will never get what you want and he will hurt you when he meets Miss Right and goes off with her.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Here's a secret...Men are adverse to commitment AND as a result do everything in their power to avoid saying" I love you" or "Will you marry me?" they see, "I'm not ready" as a polite way of breaking up so that it avoids confrontations or explanations and seems like it means,"It's my fault, not yours. With that tidbit of knowledge you may proceed on to the next disappointment in life. I hate to admit it but us men are pretty lousy at being all lovey-dovey.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Sadly, I have to agree with CindyCares on this one. Don't waste your time because when guys say that it usually translates to either he's not interested or he wants no strings attached.
You can do better.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 It always means " You look good, are nice and everything, but.. I still think I could do better ".
" I am not ready for a relationship " is short for " I am not ready for a relationship WITH YOU ". Of course there may be exceptions where a person is just not ready for a relationship with anybody in the world, due to rather exceptional circumstances, like just having been diagnosed with a fatal illness, or still grieving for a death in the family, stuff like that. But other than that, assume it means "I sort of like you , but not so much that I would stop looking around , or turn down the chance for an upgrade ".
Times have changed, society has changed, but deep down most women still feel at some level that, by entering in a relationship, they are getting something, and most men that they are losing something. Freedom, sexual choices, total control over their time, habits and resources. They'd have to be sexually monogamous, they'd have to remember your birthday, or meet your friends and family, or worry about YOUR sexual satisfaction... a lot of work, unless they do it for " the one ". Or at least, someone much closer to their idea of the one.
You reasonably object, but how does he know that I couldn't be the one, we barely know each other. Maybe if I hang in there , and just gain exposure time, I can show him what a wonderful person I am and how happy could I make him... Well yes, I can't say that it never happens. How many classmates and colleagues couldn't stand each other at first, and then with time, day in day out, they got closer and fell in love.
But, don't count on it, the odds aren't that great. Why ? Because the deck is rigged already, and it's really nobody's fault. If he has already put you in the category of " cute girl I could hang out with but without committment " he is responding to some inconscious programmation telling him that you are not quite what he wants, that the real McCoy is elsewhere. This gut feeling may be based on something absolutely frivoulous or inconsequental detail, or can even be a total error of perception, but he'll be inclined to see you, treat you and value you consequently, i.e. not as well as you could get from another guy.
That's why I say, unless you are really crazy about the guy and / or you are a very patient type ( but you said you are not )- don't waste your time, and follow the line of least resistence : date a guy who already shows enthusiasm about you and does not need to be convinced.
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A
female
reader, Risingstar624 +, writes (9 March 2012):
Ok, when guys tell you they aren't looking for a serious relationship, it means that they ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. It is his way of saying, hey i'm not really looking for a girlfriend right now. Do not fall into the girls trap of being like... maybe he will change his mind. Trust me, from personal experience i can tell you that it is a terrible place to be in.
My thoughts are that right now he just got out of a serious relationship, he is looking to have fun. He was just strapped down and now he has the chance to do all the things he couldn't when he was taken, such as a new girl every night.
Be his friend if you like, but KEEP YOUR BOUNDARIES!!! I know that when you have a crush its tempting be almost anything for them just to be with them, but you are worth so much more than that. Guys like girls that keep their boundaries, he wont make the girl who was easy to get his girlfriend, he makes the girl that he's been chasing his girlfriend.
Give him time, I know it sucks and that you aren't patient but if you aren't patient I can almost guarantee you that you will get hurt. Flirt here and there with him, but let him be. He will chase you if he's interested and if all he wants is a quick hookup, let him find that elsewhere. Guys are really straightforward. Don't look into what he says as more than it is.
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