A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Tonight I met my lover, who is a married woman. We have been together 2.5 years. I am not married and she has told me in the past that she does not plan to leave her husband. She seemed very eager to see me. She gave me a very thorough and naughtier than usual blow job before asking me: "Do you think I am a slut?"I told her I sometimes do when in the throes of passion, but otherwise I do not. She said that she sometimes acts slutty to keep things spicy, but that she hopes I don't see her that way. I told her I do not (which is the truth).She took me by the hand and said: "Wanna make love to me? Not sex. Not f*cking. Make love to me."Well, we made a rather tender love after that and she spent the night with me (usually she does not).My question is:Has the dynamic in the relationship changed or did she maybe just feel particularly needy tonight?
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (10 February 2012):
 has the dynamics in the relationship changed: even if so you have a relationship built on mistrust. she is cheating on her husband now for 2.5 years , she is married. she is cheating with you . if she even left her husband for you what is to make you think she could be trusted . it would probably be in the back of your mind is she with someone else, is she cheating on me? if what you have now with her did turn into more - were is the trust in the relationship. there has to be love in a relationship for love making to exist. if she is still with her husband even after 2.5 years it does not seem like she has any plans on leaving him. you are her thing on the side. yes you have had sex with her , but she is still going home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): The bigger question is: why are you having sex with a married woman? Have you no self respect? No, nothing's changed it's just that since you told her you thought she acted like a slut she thought she'd act less slutty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Wow. Are you sure you're asking the right questions?
How about you ask yourself this- "what am I doing having sex with a married woman who does not plan to leave her husband for me?"
Think you would like it if you were married and your wife was "making love" and "fucking" another guy?
This is just the calm before the storm. It won't matter at the end if you two were making love or fucking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): She did not want to come across as a whore/slut therefore she brought the "making love" aspect. To her "making love" made her more acceptable.
i also want to point out that no matter how much this woman acts the sluttish slut to get u off she is still married. So next time the so called dynamics change it means nothing. U are just her little toy and she dictates the terms of the FWB. U do not have a real relationship. U merely love sneaking around and having another mans wife. Perhaps u need to search deep within your sole to find out what is missing in your life that u have decided to take another mans wife.
Except for sex what do u have. Whether u do it fast/lots of action or slowly makes no difference: its just an act.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 February 2012):
 I agree. You have to be *in* love to truly "make love".
I don't care how much flaming I get on this thread, but she is married with no plans to leave her husband. I wonder if he would make plans to leave her if he knew she was with you. After 2 1/2 years, her husband either knows and is condoning it, or she's pulling the wool over his eyes for 2 1/2 years.
If she's cheating on him, doesn't matter if it's in the throes of passion or not. It looks slutty to me. You ask if the dynamic of the relationship has changed or is she needy? You two don't have a relationship. It's FWB for the both of you. Once feelings start getting into this, you're treading on even more dangerous ground than you are.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Agreed with all the wise uncles and aunts before me.
my man loves me to death... truly would take a bullet for me or kill anyone who hurt me... we have sex we rarely make love... it's just not his style... but I know that this man loves me more than any man ever has....
if she is married and has told you she is not leaving her husband listen to her... you are her thing on the side... accept that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Yep, Cerberus nailed it on the head.
Just because it was tender and passionate doesn't mean it equates love or if it is fast and furious that is is "just" sex.
I think she was in the mood for approval (which you gave her) and tender love (which you also gave her). Doesn't mean anything else changed.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 You can't tell by sex if a person is in love or not. Gentle tenderness doesn't mean love, it can be just another way to have sex. People can have rough sex all the time and still be in love, otherwise they'd be a lot more divorces. Some people always need tenderness and hate rough sex but that doesn't mean they love you.
If you want to see if she loves you then ask her to get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Cerberus said it already and I am just reinforcing his opinion : only time will tell.
You make love when you are in love- and this goes beyond what's happening in the bedroom.
I think lots of people equates shows of tenderness and affection with real closeness and real intimacy, but it ain't necessarily so.Adopting the gestures of love does not mean feeling feelings of love. That threw me off for a long while too- before I became the sharp, eagle-eyed Aunt that I am now :)I had a relationship with someone who was incredibly warm, tender, cuddly and affectionate during intimacy- and that confused me, because then in practice the way he would act in everyday life was so NOT loving, caring and considerate , it was in fact selfish and callous. It took me quite a long while to figure it out: it's not that he was faking it- it's just that this was his way of having , and enjoying, sex- it was just the way he liked it.
Not that I complain- still much better than wham-bam-thank you ma'am. But love, it's another thing, methinks....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): Only time will tell OP. It takes a hell of a lot more than one night to be able to gauge whether a person is in love with you.
I think she just wanted tender sex that night, which many consider to be making love. Even raw, passionate, dirty sex with my girlfriend is making love because we're in love. I think movies have given people the wrong idea. I've had emotionless one night stands that were very tender and affectionate. I wouldn't call that making love.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 How many stard ar there in the sky? That's how many ways there are to define love.Who knows what she has in mind? I'm thinking she wanted oral sex.
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