A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you cope moving far away from family to go to University? First off, I'm not the 'traditional' student. I'm 23, have a great relationship with my mom, not really into the whole being alone, living it up partying phase, I feel like I've already past that. It's more or less..(this is so embarrassing to say) I've never really been taught how to do things on my own...My mom still does the dishes, laundry, preparing food, and working full-time...She'll be supporting me financially for the next 2 years while I finish my degree. Point being, I can count on my fingers how many times I've washed dishes or did laundry on my own...while most of my friends have been doing it from a young age. I know this seems really spoiled of me, but It's not like that, it's just the way my mom has always been. It just sort of feels like a major disadvantage right now, cause I honestly don't know how I'm gonna survive without her. :(Can anyone give me advice on how to gain my independence, and how to manage living on my own?
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (10 June 2012):
I'm pleased that you realize your need for more independence, and responsibility for routine activities of daily life. If your mom is willing to interact with you as another adult and teach you some of these things, that would be great! (And don't forget that your dad may have a few things to say about routine upkeep of your car, planning and keeping a budget, maintaining a bank account, scheduling time and activities, etc.)
Unfortunately, some mothers (and fathers, too) can't let go of their kids, can't imagine a household without you around, and will forever think of you as a cute little 7-year old. In that case, a year (or more) away at school - and I mean AWAY, not running home every weekend - is probably an effective way to acquire the skills and abilities you mentioned.
Look over the response from "person12345". Her college experience sounds similar to my own. 600 miles was as far away from home as I could get, without being hit for out-of-state (or private school) tuition. (Yeah, I'm a cheapskate.) I was a "dorm rat" for 4 years, for many of the reasons she mentioned: regular meals, or access to facilities so I could feed myself; plenty of chances for socializing with many types of people, or keep to myself; leisure and recreational facilities including TV lounges, video games, pool tables, fitness facilities; dozens or hundreds of student clubs and interest groups; a weekly change of bed linens and cheap laundry machines. I'm confident that if I had ever endangered my health or general well-being, or that of my floormates, that the dorm staff would have at least alerted me to the situation and helped to correct it.
I can't find a reference at the moment, but I recall an article mentioning that many colleges are actually offering courses on the topics you mentioned. At the school my own kids attended, it was a series of seminars offered during the Freshman orientation period. In other places I think it's a required course with credit!
Oh, and don't worry about what a "traditional student" is. I've had plenty of experience on both sides of the classroom podium (including returning to school at age 41). Perhaps due to increased maturity and life experiences, students in their mid to late 20's are often not only among the best students by standard academic measures, but also gain the most from a college experience. It has been said that the veterans returning from WWII - who were well into their 20's or even 30's - and going to college on the "GI Bill", were the best group of students ever seen in American colleges and universities.
A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I know how you feel~ In september last year, i moved out from home into university halls. My parents literally did everything for me~ i never did chores or housework as i never really got asked to.
I missed my family and friends a lot when i started, but it helped to have webcam talks and phone conversations every other day or so, gradually lessening to a few times a week as my first year progressed.
As others have said, get your mum to show you how to cook and get some simple student cookbooks (which i've got) and maybe you could start helping out in the house now to get used to it?
Good luck :D
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 June 2012):
 This is what college is for! Learning. It's not just learning your subjects, but it's also about learning how to be independent and live without your parents around. That's why dorms are so great. You're independent, but you're never alone. By the time you need to do your first load of laundry, you will have made friends who can help you out (I promise it's not that complicated).You haven't left yet (or you would realize no one is going to let you starve to death or go smelly) so you should ask your mom to show you how to do these things. Just tell her you don't feel very comfortable with doing chores on your own and would like her to show/teach you how to do them. It's really not hard at all. If you ever get stuck, there are a million and one ways you can get unstuck. You can google it ("how do I do laundry"), you can ask your RA, you can call your mom, there is no chance you are going to be just sitting in your dorm room drowning in a pile of dirty laundry and dishes. Besides, don't you have a meal plan? You should be eating in the cafeteria anyways at the beginning, to try to make friends. No dishes yet. My dad told me that when he went to college, he got two suitcases, his mom stopped in front of his dorm, didn't get out of the car, and said "OK have fun, bye." And left. And he did just fine!
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A
female
reader, Siteme +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I'm sure a million people will say "I understand" but I guess my question would be, you are brave and smart enough to get a degree. Use that strength to plow through the hard parts. I mean if I had this chance back in my 20's to go for a degree, I would be jumping and laughing. You have the chance to better your life. You can go and visit your mom and talk to her on the phone everyday, it's not the same as being there with her every day, I know. BUT... WOW, like I said, you have the know how to do this great big thing in your life, the rest, like dishes and meals should be small tasks for you. Get a micro wave and shop for the entree meals and throw away the dishes. Look at it as an adventure.. You Can Do IT!!!!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 It was `1962 and i was dropped off at college some 3 thousand miles from home and friends. lonely ness was heavy but i met new people got a job and my world opened up. i'd suggest to find a job doing ANYTHING. your life will begin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): Is it more a question of not being able to do things for yourself or just missing your mom? I went to college close to home mainly because my family couldn't afford to send me to a bigger university. I lived at home and commuted an hour each way to class. Everyone kept telling me that I would miss the experience of being on campus, etc, etc. I have always been a private person and have never gotten into partying or anything like that. I was happy to continue to live at home and get my degree that way. However, I was not lazy at home or a freeloader. I helped do things, but I also worked, so my help around the house was minimal. As soon as I got a job, I moved out of my parents house and helped them repay my loans. I don't really think it seems spoiled of you...it's just your situation. In terms of daily chores...you will be fine. We all have to learn to do things for ourselves. I am still learning to do things for myself because there is always something that comes up that I haven't dealt with. The only other thing you could think about is possibly living closer to home if you are going to miss your mom's presence. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that. My family has been important to me throughout my life and I have been close to them, and I have pretty much been independent and living on my own since college. Otherwise, you will do fine. You will have so much to do in college you won't necessarily have time to think about anything else. Keep in close contact with your mom and call her if you need advice on stuff!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (9 June 2012):
Certainly you should get your Mum to show you how to do these things for yourself before you leave, otherwise that’s going to be an additional difficulty for you. That problem is easy enough. It’s not that hard either: most people avoid washing dishes where possible more because it’s boring than because it’s difficult. As for preparing food, the internet is awash with sites that offer quick and easy recipes for students.
The more challenging aspect of living away is being distant from those you are close to: making regular phone calls, keeping them informed of what’s happening in your life and being brought up-to-speed with events back at home will help you cope with the homesickness. Not everyone’s in to the party lifestyle that comes with living the supposed student dream, but there will be societies of people who share similar interests to yourself and who have similar outlooks, so you should still have an active social life. It is tough, but just try to meet as many people as you can and throw yourself in to the experience. That won’t stop you missing home, but you’ll be able to enjoy the experience of living away too. It’s not forever.
I wish you all the very best.
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