A
female
age
36-40,
*yger
writes:Hi,Please help - I'd really value some objective opinions!I joined an online dating site a few weeks ago and have since then met a lovely guy, who i have started going on a few dates with after exchanging emails and text messages. We've been on two dates now and are planning a third but I've hit a dilemma.He is 6ft tall and very, very slim - he's super sporty (playing football and rugby twice a week at least) and as such is incredibly lean with not an ounce of fat on him. I am the total polar opposite - a UK size 20 (so podgy all over), big boobs, bum and hips and I am not active at all. I was honest in my dating profile about my size (I find it a good way to weed out the idiots!).The problem is that we are neither of us the other's usual type (I usually go for big beefy or cuddly men and he usually goes for tiny petite girls). We've only exchanged one goodnight snog (fantastic) and we're flirty in our texts etc. I am just terrified about having sex with him - I don't want him to be appalled and, worse, I don't want to injure him!He is a gorgeous lovely man, a real thoughtful nice guy but I wonder of it's better to end things now before we sleep together or should I tell him I'm worried? Or - worse still - should I not say anything at all? I'd rather end things early than face the humiliation of him not being attracted to me or an awful time in bed.Would be super grateful for any constructive advice - thankyou! x
View related questions:
boobs, flirt, petite, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Well thank you for the happy ending! We don't often get to hear how things turn out, especially when they turn out great.
A
female
reader, Tyger +, writes (16 June 2012):
Tyger is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much to everyone who took the time to answer my question - and to provide such lovely, positive and constructive answers! I am really touched - thank you :)
I can happily let you know that we got through dates #3 and 4 *and* that I needn't have wasted a moment worrying about the physical side of things! ;) He is an absolute sweetheart - and thanks to you lovely people I have been able to be myself and comfortable, which he always encourages. Thank you so much guys - you're fantastic! x
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Hi
I think you sound amazing,honest and upfront
You told him the truth, he met and dated you not once but twice and your heading for the third date.He clearly sees you for what you are, inside and out AND likes it. Or he would be long gone
Every shape size etc has hang ups,worries about new partners. He may be stressing YOU dont find him attractive
The passon is there already. The guys that arent our 'type' are often the ones who surprise us.
Just go for it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): I'm much fatter than you are and my boyfriend (who's skinny) loves having sex with me. In fact, he loves every inch of my body...love handles, jiggly belly, sagging oversized boobs, generous thighs...the whole of me. I love the whole of him too, though he isn't my type at all. I always liked muscular, beefy men but after I fell in love with him, the "type" issue ceased to matter. And we're happy. He doesn't want or ask me to change. Like you, I was so conscious about my body that I couldn't enjoy sex at all, I was always inhibited and wanted to run away or cover myself up in shame. But now that I've let go, let me tell you that it's a beautiful experience. Try it. If he leaves you for being the way you are, you're much much better off without him!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Mosaic +, writes (5 June 2012):
 beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i like petite girls but thats not to say a curvey woman wont get me all hot and bothered. some guys actualy perfer thick or juicy girls over slim girls. ive been with both. although i do perfer slim girls the best ive ever had was a thick girl. im still kicking myself over messing that up.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 June 2012):
 RELAX! My current partner is “not my type” and I am not his. I go for big guys… tall and beefy.. thick thighs and such… he has always had chubby girls I’m his first TINY girl… he’s small and slender…
You won’t injure him.
He clearly likes you…
Don’t rush things…he KNOWS you, he’s met you, clearly YOU and not your body are what he likes… and then the body is just the wrapping and he may be ok with it…
I say just enjoy it and see where it goes… and accept that sometimes we go “outside” our type that we are usually attracted to and find true love.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): Are you crazy? Do you know nothing about us guys? He's already slept with you mentally loads of times. I'm constantly surprised by how good women think they are about hiding their body from us guys. Newsflash youre not, we spend our entire lives from our teenage years mentally undressing women, we examine every little detail of the bodies of girls we're dating before we even get them naked. OP he's already had a very good look at you and wants more.
He's chosn to date you knowing your body type and if you want a no holds barred assessment then sex with girls your size is generally awesome. Big boobs, nice shapely legs, a lovely smackable arse and a nice soft belly, there's a certain joy to seeing all those parts jiggle and move when having sex too, what's not to like? Constructive advice? Go for it just ensure you leave your inhibitions at the door and go with the moment. Don't worry about it OP this is the fun part of dating so have fun.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Listen, if he didn't want to date you, he wouldn't be....simple as.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 June 2012):
If he coming back for a third date I would say you are worrying over nothing. He's obviously attracted to you. Try to relax and enjoy yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, missy_musk +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Sweet tell him your worries. If he is genuine, he wont care! you know, im a size 24 and that is so often my biggest fear of meeting a new person! iv recently been seeing a girl and she was fantastic, she knew straight away that i had fears about my size and the bedroom department. and let me tell you, telling her was the best thing i have ever done! You dont need to end things with this guy over something as minor as this! he has seen you right? and he didnt go running right? give him a chance babe, you have nothing to lose by telling him, and if he does back off then clearly you aint lost anything worth keeping! have faith in yourself angel, might not feel like it now but you will soon learn to love your beautiful curves as much as a lot of other people do! xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, missmatador +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Dear Tyger,I would first like to applaud you for being so forth coming about your weight both here and on a dating site. It is a pure example of a confident woman! And saying that you should bring that confidence right into your sex life. By being so honest about your weight and body type, you have found a man that accepts you for your personality and your voluptuous figure.Getting to the nitty gritty of it. A rugby player won't be phased by any weight you throw at him and you wouldn't be taking those first relationship steps if he hadn't thought about it. Although there might be some limits to what you can enjoy sexually ( he won't be able to firemans lift you against a wall) that certainly doesn't mean that you won't be able to enjoy eachother!Although it's important to make yourself feel attractive when preparing for sex (close shaving, waxing, smelling "nice" down there, wearing sexy matching undies) communication is also key.The conversation will, no doubt come up, but when/if it does, don't be afraid to share your worries/concerns. The worst you could do is end something wonderful for something that might not even have crossed his mind.It is unlikely he is under any misconceptions about your body type/shape. So give him the oppertunity to surprise you.There is more to any woman than her body.Many thanks for being a confident, curvy girl!Good luck!Miss Matador
...............................
A
female
reader, Nephertite  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 The thing I find REAL men are attracted to is confidence. If a woman can hold her own, and not be bothered by the "prettier", "skinnier" women around her, then he notices that and before you know it, all the other women around don't seem even remotely as attractive as the confident woman does. Besides, he KISSED YOU. He is flirting with YOU, not these other women.You were honest and he obviously likes that. YOU WILL NOT INJURE HIM. That is a ridiculous notion. He's a strong dude. He will not injured by you and I googled before making this comment - size 20 is not even morbidly obese. You are fuller- big whoop! A man can handle a little extra meat on the bones. Don't deny yourself this aspect of life, sex and dating. He is still around, don't chase him away with your insecurities and continue to be the confident empowered woman that you are. That said, you should get active. Exercising at least half an hour a day never hurt anyone. :) Good luck and go get em tiger!
...............................
|
