A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex is really suffering now but I don't know whether to feel sorry or avenged for how he has treated me in the past.He left me to marry somebody else. His marriage has now broken down even though he's been trying to get back with her but she clearly doesn't want him back. He came crawling to me saying that he made a mistake and wanted to get back with me. I helped him out by renting him a room as he had nowhere to go and he did help me out prior to his break up. I felt that one good deed deserves another. Whilst he was here he did try to get with me. My feelings have changed for him and I've told him we could just be mutual friends as I do have a child for him. He spent 4 months living at my house as it really was not working out and he wasn't happy to pay rent when he felt he should be in my bed. He is now staying with friends and flitting from one place to another. He has come around from time to time wanting sex and asking me out. I have told him i'm not interested and he needs to sort out his divorce before I can consider anything. He claims he is sorting it out and seems to think that once he gets his divorce I'll be ready for a relationship with him.I have been thinking about it a lot and really don't want to get back with him because he really hasn't been a good man to me or his son in the past and more recently hasn't done much to win me over. I know he is hurting and suffering a lot as he is a man who really needs to have a woman in his life. I'm fine with my life on my own and don't want to feel obligated to be with him just because I'm on my own and he hasn't found anyone else. I've even told him I'm seeing somebody but he doesn't believe but I am seriously looking looking for a good man.However, I can't help feeling a bit sorry for him as he seems really lost and lonely and doesn't know what to do with himself. I can see how sad he is when he comes around but all I can think is Karma and he is getting his just desserts. I don't want to rub it in and I do try to suppress my feelings as I can understand what he must be going through with his marriage break up but that is really not my concern and I don't want to show any sympathy in that regard. Just wondering how to handle this situation.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Feel avenged.... AND don't give him another thought. WHY would you give this DOG another chance to make your life miserable???????
Good luck....
A
female
reader, missmatador +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Dear Anon,There is a strong different between "pity out for pities sake" and pity out of love.You have a connection with this man by way of your past relationship with him and your son. But I don't think this is out of love and certainly not out of loyalty.It is important to realize that you have had no hand in this situation and how it has evolved and that you are, in no way, connected to how his life is going to turn out.You must be selfish for the sake of your own happiness and the happiness of your son. You must not compromise your happiness for this man again. There are ways that he can see his son that don't involve you all being in an intimate setting ( e.g. a house that belongs to either of you.) It might be best to arrange outings with his son to the park, to the movies, to family or a mutual friends house where someone will always be present and watching the two of you interact.But that is the only true tie you have to him. And those moments between father and son should take place where they aren't overshadowed by an unhealthy relationship.Keep strong. You aren't being the bad guy.Best wishes,Pippa
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (12 June 2012):
 You should feel avenged. And P.S. Don't take him back. He's a loser. He got what he deserved.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Hi
Hes just feeling sorry for himself and as he hasn't done much to win you over of late, I think he knows he has burnt his bridges as far as your concerned.
You don't really need to 'do' anything, just carry on with your life same as before he turned up again. If you want to be a friend to him then be just that, keep the bounderies firmly in place. You don't need his prescence in your life spoiling potential relationships for you by being too close.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Yes, what goes around DOES come back around ALWAYS.
I would not go back to this man, he left you for someone else. He's only crawling back to you, now, because the other relationship didn't work out, and he has no where else to go. Don't be the old sack lunch that he tosses in the back seat of the car when a better offer comes along.
If you resume a relationship, with this man, he WILL do this to you, again. He is getting what he deserves, so don't even allow yourself to feel sorry for him. He will use that sympathy to worm his way back into your bed.
You've moves on, and are in the process of making a new life, without him. Don't let him back in.
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