A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need a bit of advice and second opinion in a situation that's come up in my life.First, a bit of back story. I am a gay woman in a serious relationship. I have been with my partner for two years. We have a flat together and are planning in getting engaged in the not too distant future. We have had our problems, but nothing major. Sometimes I read on here about the problems some couples have and feel so lucky that my girlfriend and I just don't have that. Things are good.On my Facebook, I have a few people I knew from college - as anyone would. We have kept in touch via Facebook, commenting in eachothers statuses, seeing photographs etc, and about a week ago I found out that one them, who we will call Kate has moved to my city. She messaged me and said she was moving and hinted towards we could meet for a drink and I could show her around. This is fine. She is 100% aware I have a serious girlfriend, however, what I am not sure she is aware off is that in college, I had a crush in her, she was probably the first girl in real life (so not a celebrity) that I fancied. I wasn't in love with her or anything. But I did fancy her big time. She is also gay.I have no problems meeting up with her and have even suggested my partner and I take her out one evening and show her around, however my partner isn't free right now as working long hours. So it's just her and I. The way I'm seeing it its just two friends reuniting for a drink. That's all. However, I know that once upon a time I did fancy her. I haven't seen her for years and the crush went away. I am in love with my partner but I'm scared that when I meet up with her, I will be attracted to her.I'm an adult and always when I hear people talking about cheating ontheir other halves, I can't help but feel there were numerous checkpoints for them to slam on the breaks. I feel in control enough of myself to know I would never act on attraction to another woman. What's a one night stand compared to a lifetime of happiness and security and love!? It just doesn't compare. But I am concerned about what it could do to me mentally being around this girl again. I fancied her once, what if I fancy her again? This all aside, at college we had a good friendship. She's a laugh and I know if we go out for lunch or a drink or whatever, I will likely have a nice evening catching up with her.Please help? Am I sailing too close to the wind? I don't want to be rude to this girl. We are friends but up until recently our lives were very far apart, only joined by the fact we went to college together and occasionally chat on Facebook. I don't know if she knows I had a crush on her at college though I feel she may suspect. I remember a year after graduation we spoke and I made a comment to her about how I thought she was attractive. I don't now if she ever knew that I proper fancied her. This was all before my partner.Please help.
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female
reader, missmatador +, writes (27 September 2012):
 Dear Anon,I think you need to consider the effects of meeting this girl in a world where all information was out on the table for your current partner to see.You are um-ing and ah-ing over past feelings that you insist are gone and forgotten and never to resurface? That seems like a bit of a contradiction in itself. But in a world where your partner knew that you were feeling this way about a girl you used to have a crush on then I think she would feel put out.If you feel that there is even a slight possibility that these feelings will come to fruition when you see this girl again then I think you are definitely pushing the envelope on what is decent. You had the right idea with taking your partner with you even just to provide you with a bit of stability. I think you should wait until your partner has time to do such things with you so as to put your own conscious at rest.Personally, I think you shouldn't be putting yourself in a situation where you already don't know if you will feel 100% committed to your partner.
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