A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I know this is a common question but I really need help I have fallen completely in love with my fwb who said he didn't want a relationship which I thought I would be fine with he has just moved and I am absolutaly gutted have any of you ever told your fwb you are in love with them if yes what was the outcome he is 8 years older than me I am 26 he is 34 I feel to embarassed to tell him but I cannot go on feeling like this any longer thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I'm in the "take the risk and tell him" camp.
if you can't tell him then you should probably leave the relationship. you will only hurt yourself.
I think if you do tell him however you do need to be prepared for him to NOT feel the same way...
and if he does not, then you should MOVE ON....
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I would tell him and see what he says. Prepare yourself to be disappointed, though. This is why fwb is not really a benefit. Usually someone has stronger feelings and ends up hurt. Not to be disrespectful, but it is beyond me how people can have a sexual relationship and bond in that way and still consider themselves fwb.
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (16 June 2012):
Well, if you don't tell him you automatically lose. If you do tell him, you will probably lose. If it's important to you, you're better off telling him but don't get your hopes too high up :(.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (15 June 2012):
Tell him . But be prepared that it will be awkward and end things.
That being said - its probably already over as He's already moved away so he will have other FWB now nearby.
The whole point is to not have to answer to anyone or work too hard for sex - so I doubt the FWB will continue unless you put in all the effort.
So you might as well tell him (on the chance he feels the same) and if not - move on to someone who will put you number one!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): When I said moved I actually only meant 20 minutes away and I text him and asked if he still wanted the arrangement and he said yes I do do you
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 June 2012):
I would say that given that he said he didn't want a relationship, and that he's moved away, he's probably not interested you in the way you are interested in him.
Having said that, unless you do tell him, you'll never really know the truth and you might regret not taking the chance.
I think it's worth telling him, just on the off-chance he feels the same way. At least that way you'll know how he feels.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Well you have two choices, tell him or do not tell him. Either way, there is no way to ensure you get the answer or result you are looking for.
Honestly, I think you ought to break it off with him. Find a guy who wants BOTH a relationship and sex.
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A
female
reader, missmatador +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Dear Anon,
Friends With Benefits is a tricky slope to navigate at the best of times. No matter what the terms of the arrangement are, as soon as sex is involved, there is a chance that one or both of you will fall in love with the other or want to make the situation into something more exclusive.
If you wish to tell him how you are feeling then you must weight up your feelings of love for the feelings of rejection that might come if he still doesn't want a relationship.
He has just moved away so it might be better for you to simply wish him well and move on with your life. If he returns in the future and wishes to start things up again then that might be the right time to bring up your feelings for him.
If you want to do it now then be strong, tell him exactly what the lay of the land is and if you manage to start a relationship then good luck and happy memory building. If you don't then just remember that it isn't you as a woman. It is simply that the situation was what it was to him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 June 2012):
 I have never told an FWB I feel in love. If there is any chance that he won't reciprocate I am not going to waste those precious words. When he hears these words it would not make him fall in love with you too. Just tell him you can't go on seeing him anymore. You said he moved, so wish him well and you had a great time. I know your feelings are strong and you feel you need to do something about them. It is emotional attachment. When they guy is not the one for you, there is nothing you do but move on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 June 2012):
 If you wish, you can tell him that you've evolved to become more attached to him than the FWB arrangement was supposed to be..... AND, you may ask him if his feelings toward you have changed any. IF he still feels as he did in the past..... and wants ONLY the FWB arrangement, then you are going to have to back off and review YOUR feelings.... AND, if you decide you can ONLY be intimate with him under - let's say - "relationship" terms... then you are going to have to part ways with him....
You are correct that MANY people post similar questions. It seems very common for FWB arrangments to morph such that one of the participants wants more than FWB.... When that happens, each must face what you have before you.
Good luck...
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